Hey Tessa || LOH 158

Hey Tessa,

Today started in its usual bustling way. The rush to get my stuff together after morning prayers. And just when I thought today would be different and I wouldn’t have to go to my 8 am class late like I’d been doing a lot these past couple of weeks, BOOM! I was asked to go make breakfast. Which wouldn’t have been a problem if breakfast didn’t constitute full-fledged meals that should probably be a lunch meal.

Anyways I got to it and when I checked my watch to see that it was already 8 am and I was just beginning the journey to school, I slowed down my pace. Like that moment when you realize how late you are so you don’t hurry anymore and choose to bask in the lateness. Not in a positive way, but you’re like, “Meh.... I'm late already.” That’s how I felt and when I got to school and the lecturer didn’t let me in class, I sat back and called James instead. If I was going to be out of class, I should at least call someone that would make me smile.

I made a new friend today. That kind of friend Dad and Mom would definitely have my head for befriending if they knew. But she’s nice and she’s true to herself and more than anything, the fact that she’s unapologetically herself makes her more endearing. During one of the breaks before our 3 pm class, we went over to the house of another coursemate who also became more than a coursemate and is tilting towards becoming a friend._{would share more about him later.} We had fun making food and eating and laughing together. We may not all be friends for long but in that moment, I wanted the camaraderie to last.

In the last class of today, I answered a question. I didn’t know how to feel about it. I don’t like volunteering to answer questions in class as you know. No one knew the answer to it and the lecturer had already begun to rant about how disappointed that a whole class of over 100 students didn’t know the answer to the question. I tried holding back, believe me. But I knew the answer to the question like the back of my hand since I’d studied it in high school and so I lifted my hands daintily, hoping the lecturer wouldn’t see. Shucks, he did. And then I stood up and gave the answer and the explanation he wanted.

It was nice, I wouldn’t lie. Relishing the stunned faces of my coursemates, basking in the lecturer’s praises but the spotlight it gave me was still uncomfortable so I smiled politely when he made the others applaud me and knew I wasn’t going to do something like that in a long time.

The level of competitiveness in the class is something else and I already saw a few dirty looks from those who were already labelled as the brainiacs of the class(i.e. they answered all the questions and then some) but it’s okay since I have bigger worries. Like the fact that it feels like I’m slacking and that I’m not studying enough. That I’m not giving it my all and I should be more committed to acing my courses. But I believe I’ll do well. That fears aside, I’ve always done my best in everything and so it will be alright.

But even with that, I’ll keep trying. And that by God’s grace, everything would shape up nicely. The things I can and can’t say. Hope to talk again tomorrow. The weight’s feeling lighter already now we've talked.

All my love,

Jhymi🖤