A MIX OF DISCIPLINE AND LOVE: essentials for good parenting and upbringing

Hae Hivians

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It's a beautiful week for us all.
I enjoyed the benefit of growing up with both parents living together although having a difficult economic environment. I am the eleventh child of twelve children in a polygamous setting where my mother happened to be the second wife. And yes, I was the last male child out of eight males. Quite an interesting family we have there and one would expect some degree of pampering.

It was not so rosy for me as my elder ones were some distance away and I had to live with my parents for most of the time. I can say the bond of staying and schooling where my both parents live has influenced my index location and perhaps for the nearest future as I have gotten well used to this community. I am here in Ilorin, Kwara State in North Central Nigeria.

As my elder siblings were mostly away, the chores of the house were vested upon me and my younger sister. One of my favorite memories was that, I went with my mother to the farm to fetch firewood and she would climb the tree to cut while I stayed down with fast heart beats for her safety and also to sort the pieced woods. Though as a male child, I seem so close to my mother that my younger sister envies us and, if I was a female child, I would've been my mother's handbag. This closeness did not prevent her from scolding and beating me when the need arose.

My father was another phase of my life. He could send me a thousand errands in a day that would bring tears from my eyes. They were errands that could be run concurrently but he seemed to enjoy sending me at intervals and they were errands that took me out of the house (you wouldn't imagine how fatigued and pained I was).

I would also say boldly that parenting for me was not limited to my biological parents but by my elder siblings and neighbors. There is a particular brother of mine that is so calm now that back in those years when he was coming back from his boarding house, I would run away from the house. My parents did not have to do much of scolding as they needed to hand me over to my elder siblings and remediation would be effected. My parents also did not worry much as neighbors were available and willing to reset my senses whenever the need arose.

All these seemed harsh but they definitely helped to shapen the fine young man I am. If anyone could survive running errands for my father, he or she can survive any errands no matter how repeated they are. Those years when I went with my mum to the farm to cultivate crops and fetch firewood are all a nostalgia for me as I see the are developed now and feel I am a colonial master 😂. And I feel my parents threw me into the boarding house for my high school (I felt betrayed as I thought they could hardly do without me) but those are the best moments of my growing up years where I had to learn to be tougher when my beloved parents were not close by to serve as a hedge for me.

I am unmarried right now but, as a parent in the nearest future, I would draw my kids close enough to make them trust and confide me. I would listen more to them (definitely have a nuclear family) and to their interesting thoughts. I do not mind sending my kids to my nucluear siblings for the holidays (a little spoiling and spanking from them would help in parenting). Yes, I would love to send them to boarding school (though not far from my watchful eyes) and in all, ensure they are disciplined enough for me to be proud of.

Thank you for reading through, I'll love to have your comments and contributions 🤗