Feeling The Rhythm & Pulse; How I've Decided To Cope With My Mental Frailties
Over the past few days, I've been under immense pressure to achieve my life goals faster than I've planned it and we all know that 2020 has been a bust and this is even more difficult to bear. I've been feeling the sense of aging faster while leaving so many things about my life unaccomplished. First of all going to college has really cumbersome I have had to deal with a lot of stress, assignments, projects, practical works and the excessively troublesome behaviour of lecturers. Sometimes I feel like dropping out and this feeling comes whenever I question my mental ability to handle the effect of physical stress on my life.
I would however say the outbreak of the pandemic has helped me relax and recover, I've taken about four months to recuperate and for the kind of experience I had growing up in a really toxic nuclear family. It feels relaxing to focus on myself, do the things I really want and then take a break before facing life again. In the moment my family house in the moment is due for renovation and I'll be be needing about $2000 for that and that's basically huge. Normally this shouldn't bother me but then my father is late and my mum is still recovering from partial stroke and the whole burden falls on me and the thoughts alone keeps me up at night
I'm currently fending for myself and taking care of my mother that's not a bad thing but then the circumstance is strange and I never had the opportunity to be groomed by my father or mother before I started hustling and looking for ways to become a man. Age has however caught up with me and I couldn't do a lot of things at an early stage of my life because it was difficult to be pruned as a teenager because no one was really there to be a motivation, hence I wasted about ten years of my life alone trying to discover who I was so I didn't really grow and develop like I should but then I'm older now, trying to do the things I should have done at an early stage of my life.
So because I've been trying to meet up to more than one target in my life, it's been mentally tiring. A whole lot of my father's responsibilities has inadvertently fallen on me since he's not here anymore and I no longer have the time he had. While I'm a dogged accomplisher sometimes I when I lay down in the night, I feel empty, I feel undone and I feel that I've been doing great but then I've not been up to par to some certain standard and this juxtaposes the whole narrative about my life. Of course I know I shouldn't be in a haste to do anything but then time is ticking most of the things I do is not time framed simply because I lost time doing nothing years back and now all that luxury of time in the past is gone.
My life has been full of downs more than ups but lately I've been entirely greatful and the feeling or sense of gratitude is what keeps me in check. My mental frailties arises from so many complications about my life and because I'm bottling up all these feelings is what makes me feel like imploding sometimes but then like I said earlier, I cope by looking at how far I've come and expressing profound gratitude. Without a doubt, I have eternal regrets and I have fears, and I can wait for my two years program in college to end, I'll like to restructure my life again and then prepare for my late 20s, God willing
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My name is @Josediccus, a young Nigerian student who is a Vlogger, A Psychologist, Poet And Sports Writer/Analyst. I'm using my contents as a process to create shared meaning as well as create expressions through which people on/off hive can relate. I believe content is a process to be enjoyed and relished and I'm up for any collaborations in my field stated above. Cheers
@Josediccus, your brother-in-pen & heart
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Thanks a whole lot
You are welcome. 🙂
There's a reason for everything, all these are mere points cinnecting themselves for the greater good, keep the fire burning, but dont burn yourself out..do what you can and leave the rest to the almighty.
You're definitely right about that. Thing is, there's no other option other than to learn how to thrive and survive, being alive doesn't have an alternative and suicide isn't a option. Thanks a whole lot bro.