How do you react to bad times?
People are always at the best when life is good, and that don't have to worry excessively. The life of a person can be emotionally dictated by the things that they feel, and that's why some people become chronically sad, lose their "happy self" and all that, because of some traumatic or difficulty that's happened to them.
I have experience hard times, still experiencing one, and a lot of times, I can tell you that I sometimes forget how it felt to be happy. Not smiling, not laughing or anything, just the feeling of ease without constant sadness or worry.
It's a combination of a lot of things currently going on in my life, things I'm not longer comfortable sharing, but they've been there and caused chronic sadness.
Now this sadness doesn't mean I don't smile or laugh.
However these days, I realize that whenever I laugh or smile, it's probably because I'm reacting to a situation, like it's a sort of expected behavioral tendency, and not because of genuine happiness.
I think this is the reality of many people.
Facial expressions like smiling or smirking is a reaction and not truly an expression for them.
For example, a person attending to someone or selling stuff to them is expected to smile, the smile is an expectation, a recommendation that gives clients the feeling that they're welcome, it's not an emotional that's supposed to be real, it's just business.
This is why we cannot judge people based on their facial expressions, in most work places, a huge percentage of the facial expressions are just fake, and some of these people are different entities in their homes.
Forgive for meandering, the question I'm asking today is "how do you react to bad times?" I mean, difficult times that just steals every positive energy within you? Do you throw your hands in the air? Feel sad at the situation, and just get angry? Do you get depressed or just self-isolate?
A feeling you recognize
A few weeks back, someone I know, lost their newly wedded wife, and after I texted him to empathize with him, I seriously never expected him to reply, because he must've been in a really bad mental state of mind, and rightly so. He replied after a while though.
This guy was always a jolly guy. He was always happy and posted a lot of memes, and I remembered sharing my story of a lot of problems in my life, but he simply didn't understand what I was trying to talk about.
For someone who has lost a lot of people, experience suffering, deprivation, illnesses, pain, mockery, isolation and discrimination, I understand perfectly what it means to lose someone, and because of that I can exactly process what he felt after losing that woman.
Nowadays he hardly posts memes or even do a lot of Internet thing, he may be scarred for a while, and his orientation of reality will definitely change. This is what pain does do people and honestly people who haven't seen that pain may not really understand it.
I've lost a lot of "supposed" friends, simply because they probably didn't understand a lot of my pain, and probably felt my reactions were extreme. I've been people experience the type of pain that they never predicted and a lot of times, their reaction is not so different from when I was in a lot of dark place.
Pain is the same, so why discriminate it?
People react the same way when they're in a pain or when they've experienced bad times. Some others will react more extremely.... others well, not so much.
The idea is that pain is the same, people only discriminate the display of pain they see from others because they themselves may have not experienced that level of pain, and that's why people has to, most of the times experience what other's have experienced to truly understand reacts like silence, isolation, change in attitude, or lifestyle.
The people who do not understand this might just quietly "unfriend" you, simply because they've not been in that place, and they cannot understand or accommodate what you're feeling. This is the same with when people go broke, their reactions are always experience, and even having a chronic health condition is another horrible thing entirely.
It's often said that you may not understand the pain someone else is going through until you experience it.
I haven't been active here for a while now cos of so many things going on around me. It's been tough and the only thing that have kept me going is hope... hope that all will be fine.
Yeah, take care of yourself, and I pray that God will come through for you because it's extremely difficult to be going through personal battles and you don't even have anyone to tell or help you.
Amen. Really appreciate. Thank you.
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STOPIt always hurt to lose someone, and I agree that it is different for everyone. I think time is the best thing, and I think that people leaving is a part of life. I don't take it against anyone because life just continues onwards.
Yeah, time can definitely make it easier, I don't necessarily think time heals people, it just makes the grief a part of you that you permanently need to live and deal with.
experience is the best teacher...people will never understand the level of your pain and why you are reacting in pain or isolation until they taste same shoe...just like a pregnant woman in labour, you can't claim to know it all until you taste it no matter the explanation
I am handling one pain now and even though I don't isolate myself from friends , it's written all over me..I act angrily , I feel depressed and sad...I do things unorganized and over react to anyone who look for my trouble ...being calm and staying focused is what I am striving for but its not easy...I also lost my positive energy of updating my status ...something i waa doing with fun before , all of a sudden,situation stole my joy and energy but its fine ...
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The status update on Whatsapp is something I stopped doing in 2023. From then till now, I don't really vibe or have a lot of friends anymore, just basically trying to survive and keep my family afloat. The society is full of people who will laugh at your pain or simply think you're exaggerating it, because they haven't really gone through it.
This is why I hardly even explain to people who don't know what pain or periods of pain feels like. We have a lot of people like this.
I hope things turns out better for you and your family too.
I am not handling well bad times unfortunately. And beside that even I tend to get stressed in some situations that are not bad, but that I envision them to be so. So I might be stressing myself too much even when not the case... 😌
Well it's relative. A lot of us don't handle it really well, and some people even have it worse. For me, I think I have it worse, and that's probably because of the many troubles I already have in my life..
Jose, the truth? It’s not easy. There are bad times I have experienced and I know how I felt about them and still do but not as much as before.
One thing that is really helping me now is that I move closer to the Word of God because that’s where I receive hope and encouragement from. Just knowing that even in bad times, God is with me, relieves me because those times will pass away.
My closeness with God (Holy Spirit) is helping me view bad times as a trial and all I do is to rejoice and be glad in the Lord. One thing I also understand is that both good and bad times, God created them. Even in the good times, He is God and in the bad times, He’s never changing. He is ever faithful. Only when we truly understand this, would we see God’s hand in every situation life throws at us. God has reasons for everything and guess what? Romans 8:28 says all things (both the good and bad) works together for those who love God and are called according to His purpose.
Exactly, the Bible itself references the fact that bad times are inevitable and God Himself promised that he'll always be with us through it. This is how I also see bad times too, I've had a lot of it in my life and sometimes there's no better way to cope with it than to establish a closeness with God, and tell it to him in prayer.
Human beings can fail, but God can never fail, and that's why it's always best to tell him in prayer.
I hope it gets better for you too.
Yes, that’s the best way. It’s amazing that He also doesn’t get tired of us coming to Him every time because He knows we are humans with blood running in our veins. Jesus went through same, too and that’s the way we know He understands us.
Yes, it will surely get better 👏🙏
I see bad times from two different views. The Christian view is from Matthew 6:25–34:
And there is the Buddhist concept. In Buddhism, life is not viewed as a fake trick, but rather as like an illusion (or a dream, a bubble, and a flash of lightning) because nothing lasts and nothing has a permanent core. Instead of teaching that the world does not exist, the Buddha taught that we suffer because we misread constant change as permanent reality.
I think grieving the loss of somebody is necessary and proper. But it's not a way to live. You can't shape your whole life around grief.
Other than losing somebody, most problems are administrative, paperwork. Either paper money or bureaucratic paper. That stuff is a game you have to play while figuring out the rules as you go. But you are not the game, and the game does not only apply to you. You can be happy despite the game.
At least that's the way I see and approach things.