The Drive To Survive at All Cost
Growing up was one difficult challenge, but despite all these challenges, I loved life to the core. That was why my mindset back then was to survive at all costs. That cost of survival can come at the detriment of one's freedom, health, and life, but the good thing about survival is that some of the price we get to pay is mostly worth it.
If a person can beat cancer, recover from an almost irrecoverable health situation, raise their financial levels significantly enough to change their life, beat their addiction, improve their health, or come out from an almost impossible state of poverty, deprivation, or depression, then what one must've sacrificed would have been worth it.
However, the beauty of life, the thoughts of progress, and the dream of attaining a position of freedom, untethered and unbothered by our previous ails can be worth it.
I was born into a dysfunctional family and the problems of having to survive, made me lose my voice as a person. It was difficult for me to tell the person next to me about my travails, and that's because I grew up in an environment where the things you say; your complaints, travails, or whimpers might not solve your problems, it's either you fix it, or it drowns you.
I blame this dysfunctionality as the main reason for my brother's demise, and anyone who feels I'm doing the "blame game" might be right.
However, when things are recurrently happening in your life, you enter into that detective and reflective mood in an attempt to understand the cause of your problem.
Because of my inability to verbally express my issue, a lot of people in my extended family took me as a destitute, lazy, or irresponsible person. I mostly carry that burden of people having to see me as a bad person, and the reason for this is that I feel that talk can be cheap.
Trying to explain to people who might not understand me, might just be futile.
While I was partially wrong, I still feel that sometimes, we can manage to tell people about our ails and woes and they'll still never understand or get it from your perspective, so what is the point anyway? I lacked expressiveness as a teenager, but that was because I felt my survival depended on the will of my creator and my ability to care for myself.
Survival is an instinct,
.....and sometimes our background, experiences, and how we choose to improve our knowledge is what mostly makes us cultivate some unique ways to survive.
I just got off the phone with one of my uncles, and he wanted me to explain everything that had to do with me, the death of my brother, and how everything seemed to have plummeted to this deteriorated condition.
After explaining things to him for 26 minutes of teary eyes and shaky voice. He couldn't believe himself, he immediately began to regret how he'd treated me for the past 15 years. He said I wasn't vocal enough to speak with him 15 years ago about personal and family challenges, and that if he had known, maybe he would have reacted differently.
He was imagining where I got all that strength to withstand the criticism and the terrible treatments he and his brothers meted out to me all these years, and I told him that if it wasn't for my brother's death, I'd still not be able to talk about this. Maybe it was time indeed for me to be vocal about my struggles, but I hated being treated with pity, I Iike people to see me as a strong person, undefined by my challenges and problems.
After everything, I feel it's time I start letting people know of my struggles and weaknesses.
Having my brother was one of my strongest motivations to hide my challenges and pain while maintaining a smiling front.
He's no more, and in almost one month now, a lot of people have seen me cry in unimaginable ways, for someone who has hardly shed a tear in front of anyone, I feel tired of wearing that veil of strength. My conversation with my maternal uncle is a reminder that maybe I shouldn't have tried to show that everything was good when I was practically falling apart, and maybe this caused an irreparable and irreplaceable damage.
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I am glad you had that conversation with him and that he got to understand the extent of their attitude toward you. Even the strongest person breaks down, so don't push yourself too hard. Be vocal when your mind is ready to let things out.
I pray you continue healing. You are awesome Jos, you are very brave, and I am thankful that I know someone like you.
I'm glad too. I wasn't going to. I just like people to form their opinion based on the things they think they know. People who truly care might go the extra mile. Pushing a narrative sometimes might not truly work. I can live with any idea of what anyone thinks I am, or I used to. Maybe it's time for a change
That's right, I do that, too. Let them think they know. Until you meet those who will go extra.
Maybe it is truly time. God bless you.
Thank you for the constant check and encouragement, I truly appreciate, it means a lot
You are welcome 😊. We are both in this together.
resilient, often keep us going even in the face of the most challenging circumstances.
Surviving the adversities life throws our way can indeed be a test of strength and determination. It's often in these moments of hardship that we discover our true resilience and capacity to overcome.
Your perspective on survival and the sacrifices it entails is both insightful and inspiring. It highlights the human spirit's ability to persevere and find worth in the journey, even when the path is difficult.
Life's beauty, dreams of progress, and the pursuit of freedom continue to be powerful motivators that drive us forward, no matter the challenges we face. They remind us that, indeed, it's often the journey and what we gain from it that makes it all worthwhile
Yes, survival takes a lot of sacrifices. Oftentimes we weigh if it's worth it or if it's not. But, it's mostly worth it. Most of the things we do legitimately to survive is mostly worth it. Life, thriving and succeeding beyond all expectations can be conquerous as well as blissful.
It's a big challenge especially on our part of the world where essentials and factors of production are chiefly mismanagement and planned to favor some people like the elites and their families. We the masses are in the pain of their country.
Not only my voice was lost, my honor and name does not have value so to survive became necessity. It's time, Family planning and management will be helpful to improve our family settings.
That's our general believe and it's helps. Stress, worries and anxieties are narrated to him in prayer and hopefully, the best will come.
We behaves and acts as everything is great even when things are worse. We are termed as happiest people on earth because of this general behavior
Thanks so much for capturing our general view and perceptions. Hope you are coping well due to our lost of your brother?
I'm on a journey of challenging recovering, losing an only family member feels like the world is ending, but I have faith, I have hope.
I think growing up in an environment where speaking about our problems mostly seem futile can lead us to not be vocal about the problems we're experiencing. That's how it is with my dad, he'll keep everything inside and not share anything until the problem(s) explode and we hear about the aftershocks or aftereffects. But I guess it can be a great thing to sometimes be vocal about one's problems. To the right person, it could also be therapeutic.
Sometimes, talking warrants pity and such disclosure hardly makes for any solutions. I grew up knowing that talking with almost everyone around wouldn't bring any solutions. You're right to, sometimes having people with the right listening ears matters a lot
It’s difficult to hear of the things you’ve had to deal with but they are also an important part of you and who you are. I’m glad that you were able to tell your uncle about these things but the fact is that we all have our issues and we can’t always tell people what they are for various reasons. Would they have made it worse had you told them some of the things 15 years ago? Perhaps, and that wouldn’t have helped you one bit. Hindsight is 20/20 as they say and we can curse the past but we have to use it as a basis for how we act and move forward into the future. I’m a big proponent of be the change you want to see, meaning make sure we don’t treat others as poorly as we were treated so that we can stop the cycle of abuse.
Keep your chin up man, times are bleak indeed but there will be brighter days!
You're right. Would they have done anything differently if I had told them? It's totally left to be seen. My reasons were best know to me, but first and foremost, I felt they won't do much to help my situation, and I was the type of person who never left my problems become my identity or what people tend to see me as.. If not for my brother's passing, I wouldn't have probably told them anything. Anyways, we can always make for change and I'm tired of bottling up everything
Hear hear.
Also it's not a weakness,
cliché as it sounds, it's a strength expressing these feelings and emotions ( and not just on your blog ).
Also, there's a difference between complaining and sharing the heartfelt truth.
You are doing great! 💚
Yeah, it's true there's a difference between complaining and sharing one's thoughts. Howbeit, a lot of people would feel they're the same, people just want to go about their lives unbothered and all.... But then, I'll keep trying.
Thanks for the kind words.
Those are probably the people who can't deal with/ feel their own feelings. Once we learn to be kinder to ourselves, we can be more empathetic to others.
You're welcome :<)
Take care, buddy.
For someone who has been in this position, i will like to share something with you. DO NOT MAKE EXCUSES FOR ANYONE. The onus was never on you. They had the opportunity to treat you right and they never did so because that is just who they are....Don't let anyone spin this on you.
Once again, sorry for your loss. Continue to grieve as long as you can, but don't let go of yourself in the process. cheers!
The onus was there for them to truly act right, but one thing I've discovered is that people are mostly likely to act based on what they hear, rather than what they know by themselves. It was an excuse to justify their bad behavior, sometimes, some people feel they're going to be nice to you, depending on what they feel or know of you.
Thank you for your continuous concern at all time, I truly appreciate
You are such a strong person, you were able to withstand and carry all this burden . It was actually good of you to open up to your uncle ..that was a bold step. Usually when you keep things in you in eats you from within slowly .. opening up really does some good but to the right person
Well, a lot of times we don't know who is the person or not. Sometimes we just carry the burden and let others believe what they want because we're not sure they'll truly understand.
Yh u make a good point too
life is indeed full of challenges but how we go about it matters alot. Although you lost a loved one on the causes of protecting an instinct and personal prestige against letting people into your privacy, I also belong to the school of thought that complaints and excuses aren't the best route for success. My advice though is that you have people or someone you can confide in despite the the environmental issue, always relate most issues to people since a problem shared is a problem solved. Take heart for the demise of your brother bye.
Thank you, I appreciate
you're welcome, just take heart.
Hello
It sounds like a pretty tough environment for a kid where you had to grow up. But from what I read it helped you to become independent, and it was those hard things you went through that made you realize what you needed, right? Although you are right about one thing, there are burdens that we must let go of and carrying them for a long time hurts, but I see that you are moving forward. I'm sorry about your brother, I can't even imagine how hard it must have been.
I feel kids shouldn't have to learn the hard way and when I'm opportuned to have kids, I'll surely make sure I do things rather differently. Kids shouldn't have to be exposed to the harshness of this world, and this affected my brother in many ways, I blame this at all time
I understand you, and I agree, I know it is not right. I'm sure you're going to be a good father.
I just hope your uncle begins to treat you well and even turn to someone you can always run to when you need help even though it is not financial but at the end of the day, we all need God to be that person we can always run to and I pray God stands by you and make you forget your sorrows
It's always hard to share a problem but most times it might just be what we need for us to gain freedom from a lot of things.
Everything happens for a reason but not all of those things are I'm our favor. I really admire your resilience to survive no matter what. I've always thought I was resilient but when I got to know you I knew I wasn't at all. I can never go through all what you've gone through, I won't make it far at all.
It's fine to cry because that's something you've not done since God knows when. Time heals all wounds and your case won't be different hopefully.
Not everything that happens, happens to be in our favor and sometimes people end up to be unlucky in that regards, but that is life. I only think one can hope on God to completely change their fortunes.
As for you, I think we're completely resilient in our different ways, I'll always pray you never get any difficulties bigger than your resilience. Life should be enjoyed irrespective of challenges.
Most things don't always seem to happen in our favor for me but I most times get lucky to appreciate them in the end.
That's right, God will Never make us go through something that he know we can't handle.
Well, there's no way I can appreciate all the tragedies that has happened to me but I know God's not dead.
That's right 🙂
You are Indeed a strong person to Abe gone through all of that stress. That's just life for us all, it's full challenges we have to solve..
Well, I hope for the grace to continue
Sure God's willing
It's good to know that every human on earth has a life of his own that is not always defined by our family background because we can make a difference if we put the right efforts. Determination is the key and being focused. Identifying ones weakness is always a step to overcoming it. It helps us to have an action plan should we be in a situation that pushes us back to where we are coming off from. The past is gone but we can only learn from them. Look to the future which you can control or change whom you want to be. Don't give up.
The past is gone, but it sometimes defines our will, our freedom, sadness or happiness. I can't move from that, I can only hold that memory and pray for better days.
I am glad you were able to talk about how you feel with your uncle. There isn't much people can do when they don't know what is going on and I hope that being able to express that was able to help you heal. Good luck healing and I hope you recover soon.
Thank you for all the well wishes and kind gestures. I wouldn't have talked to him about my struggles, but I guess it was time.
Greetings
It can be terrible the ways life treats us individually. I believe it is a test that the Creator himself designs and tailored for each of us for the simple purpose of growing our faith in his power to transform life in the blink of an eye. It is not magic but the actual fact that happens daily if we pay enough attention.
Faith and Keep going the way the Creator taught us to live.
Peace
Well I believe and accept the creator's plans for me, I accept it willfully and diligently, as well as trust in his designs for me as well. Thank you for your well wishes.
I understand a little your inability to be expressive growing up. This is the case in some families, especially large ones in Africa. I myself find it very difficult to talk about certain things with my family. They still treat me like a child because they’re completely unaware of the things I’m doing for myself, and in some cases for them, but I still can’t tell them because I fear that them finding certain things out about me, even though good and praise worthy, will create new problems (and responsibilities) for me.
I’m deeply sorry about how things are going right now for you, man. I can’t pretend to understand what you’re going through, but please be strong. It was a very difficult time for me when I lost my mother, who, like you brother, was my pillar. But it gets better with time, and I hope that that time when it gets better comes sooner for you.
Well, he was the only family I had left. That void he left, that hole and the anxiety, the capacity to even begin to imagine that he's no longer here sends shivers down my spine. It's been tough for the past 15 to 16 months for me, and this last straw feels too unbelievable and too harsh of a burden to bear. I hope it gets better for me, I'm praying it does.
It's ok to ask for help when we need one and it's ok to find solace in making new friends too.
Maternal side of the family are often more considerate and dependable than the paternal side.
I am happy that you get to open up to your Uncle about your pains .I do hope it will help a lot in your road to recovery and healing.
Thank you. Well, we've been at loggerheads for 15 years now or more, I kept a secret about my life from them, because I felt it wouldn't matter, should they even find out
I pray you find healing and yes being able to express how you feel isn't considered weakness, it's part of the healing process, one carries a heavy heart when he or she doesn't clear the mind, bottling your emotions wouldn't help you and finding the courage to speak out is what you truly needed.
All will be well.
Thank you, expressiveness and talking about stuffs here has always been my strongest suit, so I just do that often, at least I have friends and family that will listen. Thank you for your kind words.
I know it's not easy to open your heart and share your struggles, but the conversation you had with your uncle is proof of how sharing can lead to deeper understanding.
No matter how hard we try to appear strong, we all have our moments of vulnerability and pain. It's perfectly normal to ask for help and support when we need it, and there's no shame in that.
You're right, appearing strong on the outside takes a lot and sometimes we just breakdown from that. It's almost impossible to keep up that strength because we're humans. Thank you for your thoughts and kind words.