The psychology of someone who lives with regrets

I don't see myself as an intelligent person, it'll be foolish for me to think so, and this is just me being logical and realistic,
especially because I know a few of my friends, peers and acquaintances who are smarter, wiser and well rounded when it comes to smartness and intelligence.

I like to think I'm a slow learner, (because of course I don't sugarcoat things) and while others were developing themselves in crazy ways, my growth was stunted by factors I couldn't control.

However the only thing that worked in my favor was that I have always been a hustler. Inasmuch as this is my strength, it's actually also my biggest weakness: health wise.

When I was younger, I wasn't the smartest in the class but I complemented that with hustling. I out-hustled a lot of my peers by being the one who tried out every opportunities out there, it was true that I wasn't smart, and I was doing that because I lost a lot of my childhood and teenage to being chronically ill, (except we don't count chronic conditions)

Sometimes I always imagine, what I was perfectly healthy and still had the mindset of hustle? I knew for sure that my financial situations would change.

Although this still doesn't change the fact that we need intelligence to survive in this cheeky world: from having empathy, compassion, being smart, being a master in a craft and all that. We simply cannot do life by simply applying pressure and consistency and it taken me over 12 years to learn this.

I think a lot of my peers realize this very early and that's also another disadvantage of learning through experience or making experience-learning as your first level of knowledge and understanding.

I have a lot of regrets because sometimes I envisage my potentials and what achievable if circumstances were different. I think a lot of us have different realities in life, and I don't think people have static realites. Some of the smallest decisions we make can change our realites in unimaginable ways, and this is what makes life dynamic.

A single action, thought, idea or choice can transform our lives for the better or for worse, and no one talks about it a lot. I look at my life and I think perhaps having the rational, foresight or intelligence could have changed my life in ways that I know would make a lot of difference, but I didn't make these decisions and here we are today.

While I'm wiser now, sometimes I feel like that wisdom would have served me better 5 to 10 years ago, but then I had to learn through experience to become wiser and I honestly hate every aspect of it.

It's not all regret

However it's not all regret, I live with a lot of regret in my life and a lot of this regret stems from the fact that I've made a lot of wrong choices including some of the ones that led to the death of my only brother.

I look at everything around me too, and I've come to realize that there's honestly nothing I can do to change all these, and that's the rabbit hole of living in regret: the thoughts of it all and how you're powerless to change the situation, it's sad, but that's the reality of things.

Anyway I hope some days I can get the opportunity to finally change my life. This is my thought process plus a semi-rambling. It's that type of self reflection that happens to me when things aren't working the way I expect them to, and I'm sure this happens to you too.