When Home Becomes a Place of Fear // Base on true life Experience.

Good day everyone. I want to share an experience life based on what my friend is currently going through now. I will need your opinion and advice.

First of all, I will like to say, it is not the wish or will of any woman to give birth to only female children. A woman does not choose the gender of a child neither is it in her capacity to decide which gender she give birth to. That decision is beyond her control. In real sense God is the giver of children, both male and female and biological men are the carriers of chromosomes that are responsible for giving birth to male children, Yet, in many homes, especially in my country, a woman is blamed if she does not give birth to a male child. Some people believe that a woman who cannot give birth to male children is not fit to remain in her husband’s house. This belief has caused pain in many families. Children suffer because of it. No child deserves emotional trauma or abuse simply because of gender or any disability. None of us chose how we were born. It pains me because I'm seeing this happening to many children especially female to be precise.

I have a female colleague at work who lives close to my house. We usually see each other often. But during the Christmas and New Year celebrations, I noticed that I did not see her at all. She did not attend church or any of the celebration. She did not come out. When we resumed work after the holidays, I saw her and I asked her why she did not come out during the festive period. She told me I would not understand but then I persuade a little and ask her to make me understand. That was when she opened up and told me the experiences she is facing at home.

She is the first child in her family. She has five younger siblings. All of them are girls. Because there is no male child in the family, their father treats them so badly. He insults them often and calls them useless simply because they are girls. He keep telling them daily that they are not what he wanted and he always wish he had male children. According to her, the abuse has been going on for years right from when they were little.

They have never experience what fatherly love is. Sometimes, their he beats them badly. Sometimes, he locks them inside a room and refuses to let them come out. Like during the Christmas and New Year period, he locked all of them at home. While others were celebrating and enjoying the season, they were trapped indoors. That was why I did not see her outside.

She told me that their home is full of fear. Whenever their father is coming back home from work, instead of them to be feeling happy that our father is coming, they become scared. Their hearts start beating and they will try to hide so that he does not see them. They are praying he doesn't see them. This has become their normal life, the fear of their own father.

As she spoke, she told me something that really shocked me. She said she and her siblings hate their father. She said they have told him straight to his face that he is not a father but a demon, a monster. She said they regret being his children. She was crying as she told me all these things. Why will children speak such ill words to their father instead of praising him. That's their case. She spoke about the countless insults, the beatings, and the pain they face every day just because they are girls.

She also told me that during her mother’s last pregnancy, when her father found out the baby was a girl, he abandoned the mother in the hospital. He refused to take responsibility for anything simply because the child was female. To be honest with you, I broke down and could not say anything for a while.

After listening to her, I felt the pain imagining what she and her siblings are facing at home.

Now, this lady has carried a lot of hatred in her heart. She is bitter. She has made up her mind to bring shame and disgrace to her father. She did not tell me exactly what she plans to do, but I can sense that it is not good and at the end, she might end up hurting herself more not even her father. I have tried talking to her. I have advised her. I have warned her about the danger of allowing hatred to control her actions. I have encouraged her to talk to someone else as well. But nothing seems to change her mind on what she plans on doing.

To be honest, I don't know what to do again. I want to help her, but the anger in her heart is too much. Even her mother is afraid of what she might do. I do not want her to destroy her own future simply because of the pain she has suffered. As it is right now, the situation is beyond friendly advice alone. She and her siblings need help. What suggestions do you think is best to give such person now with such a mindset??