Getting in the ship (dating chronicles)

Since I was sixteen, I felt pressured by peers into seeing being in a relationship as a compulsory goal that must be accomplished. Although I felt like I was mature enough to handle love and its companions.

So, I was on the lookout.

This post is a submission to the Paritae
blogging competition "Dating Chronicles "

Few weeks before my valedictory service in secondary school, I signed up on the Facebook app to mingle with my friends online which I actually did.

Later on, I started getting requests from even strangers and in the long run of chatting, we became friends.

Some friends even share very important and personal information so I found the app so cool and I developed an open mindset towards strangers.

Source: unsplash.com

Ade (meaning crown) was also one of my Facebook friends. He has been a long time user on the Facebook app. He’d sent a friend request a few days before I accepted and we began chatting.

Our friendship grew stronger and stronger and we found it hard not to chat with each other in a day.

Isn’t that the onset of romantic feelings?

Some discussion led to the other and we decided to get to know each other better, we set a date to see each other physically at least before our cases turned “ I can’t breathe if you’re not in my life”.

The d-day finally came and he suggested that we see at his house.

I thought it was supposed to be a date, well let’s place hands on our cheeks and watch the turnout

We met and we left.

More like we came, we saw and we conquered.

“It wasn’t going to work”, I thought to myself.

I thought you’d asked why too so the thing was he was way older than I am.

Excuse me Mr. “ I have accomplished all”, I’m only seventeen

I didn’t tell him that it wasn’t going to work, of course he got his hopes high and to what only he could see and imagine, we were already dating.

The “leading on” continued for a week and I put an end to what didn’t even start the last time I checked.

How and why would a teenage girl settle for a man who is almost twice my age with a deficit of five years.

Should that count as my first date ever?

Twenty-one months after my imaginary relationship with Ade, I broke up with Oluwaseun (meaning thank you God) in August in the living room of my off-campus hostel in the university.

You’d wonder why but he’s asked me to submit for what mommy and daddy are supposed to be doing.

Wait, just because you came over to celebrate my birthday, you think genitals jamming was a surprise package or the stuff you have to offer

I refused hands down.

I just turned 19 and my last birthday marked the beginning of my big woman era, I’m responsible for my actions now and I wouldn’t want a forceful coitus and of course I was still very young for that

“.. thank you for celebrating my birthday with me. Let me see you off.”

Those were my last words before we left my house with his travel luggage.

I didn’t want to date Oluwaseun at first, at that time, I thought it was an unavoidable relationship. Our short time friendship was great, he was working – a banker at United Bank of Africa, and his looks were good.

Well, that isn't enough reasons to date a person, yeah?

How about feelings? The spark?

I didn't meet Oluwaseun on Facebook like Ade. We met in the bank, had a few minutes of discussion and exchanged contacts.

Starting from that day, we began chatting on the Facebook app. When our friendship grew better, we migrated to chatting on WhatsApp.

Our morning-evening chats became a routine till he elevated to calling me daily and eventually we set a date to go out together.

Hopefully, we’d feel a spark from there and become a thing.

Dating on weekends was a very de-stressing thing to do so we met at the entrance of a restaurant on Saturday evening and we walked in together.

“What would you like to order?”

The young female attendant asked, looking at the both of us continually, one after the other with a bright smile on her face.

“I’d like mince pie and a hollandia yogurt.” I said simply.

I faced him for his own response. Instead he turned to me and asked;

“ Aren’t you going to eat?”

“I’m okay with what I ordered”

“Oh really?
I thought you’d eat something really solid like rice..”

He hadn’t finished his statement when I cut in.

“I’m really okay with the pie and the drink. How about you?”

Let me flow with your style.

He faced the attendant and ordered the same thing I ordered.

We made ourselves comfortable by sitting opposite each other, very close to a functioning standing fan.

The order was brought to us and we talked as we ate.

We hung out for over four hours and I went back home with a takeaway package containing fried rice and fried chicken, creamy vegetable salads and a bottle of water.

“Talk to you later”

He paid the motorcycle man that I boarded and I started my journey home.

My roommate, Adesope, was worried sick waiting for me. It was when I got home that I realized that I had missed five calls from her already.

“Welcome o. Wow, where are you coming from all dressed like that?”

“Do I look really good?”

“of course you are, who’s the guy?”

“the banker.” I replied sharply.

“Oh so there’s really a guy now, our prayer is answered, let me see his picture.”

First she collected the takeaway package from my hand and began dancing.
“thank you for the food” she said while she kept on dancing.

“Stop it Sope and I didn’t say that you can eat the…”

Before I finished my sentence, she turned my phone screen to me and cut in..

“Eiiiiii, my dear, the boy is fineeeee”

There comes the picture of the banker sitting handsomely.

She stopped dancing and pulled me to sit with her on the sofa.

“has he asked you to be his girlfriend yet?”

“Not yet, we just went on a date”

“Okay then. He’ll soon ask you. Just make sure you say yes o”

Just like that?

I thought there was supposed to be persistence from him before I thought of his relationship proposal.

Adesope had been my roommate and friend from our first day at the university. We’ve stuck together through thick and thin and everything in between till that time and beyond.

We knew each other better in appearance and character. I knew she wanted me to just leave the streets, get a boyfriend and join the relationship geng like she and our other friends.

Oluwaseun called later that night and asked me to be his girlfriend.

I thought as much

I failed my Adesope and turned him down.

As expected, he persisted for over a week and out of haste – to leave the single life, I agreed and we began our love life.

He really was a good man and we enjoyed our relationship until that very day in August.

He wouldn’t have thought that it’d be our last time seeing each other yet.

He apologized over and over that he won’t ever ask me for it again but I was too narrow-minded. I kept on telling him “it’s fine, it’s alright” with a sprinkle of fake smiles whenever he apologized.

When he messaged me that he’d arrived his abode safely, I served him the breakfast at lunchtime.

Barely three months later, I hopped into another relation-ship. This time around, we didn’t meet on Facebook and I wasn’t pressured into it plus I felt that spark thingy that I’ve never felt in the ship's past.

I went for a three month laboratory exposure scheme at another town entirely and there, I had to live with one of my relatives that resided in the town.

I laid on my back on my two and half inch bed one Saturday afternoon.

“Guy, the time is faster today o”

I replied to Valentina's WhatsApp chat as I switched to lay on my belly with my phone held with eight of my fingers around my phone and the two thumbs forward to type comfortably.

“Let me quickly get dressed and meet him at the place, I’ll update you as the going is going”

I continued and she replied "okay bro".

“Guy” and “bro” are actually attributes referring to a male gender but we sarcastically refer to each other with those terms as a form of a trusted bond between us.

I pulled up with wine pants trousers, a punched net long sleeved shirt commonly known as a “see-through” shirt.

Well, others could obviously see my skin through the net shirt.

I felt so uncomfortable going out in the punched shirt without a covered singlet or camisole but I thought “exposing some body parts” was a trend and I also wanted to impress my date.

I wore a makeover that took me over half an hour to accomplish. I thought I looked the best at that time whereas flashing back now, I looked more like “ooops, who did that? You need a refund” vibe.

It was my first unofficial outing in that town, so I didn’t know about locations.

I stopped where a bike man dropped me, read the sign board for confirmation of the address and I walked into the hotel lounge.

I had suggested going to a place that isn’t far from my uncle’s home because I didn’t know too much about the town and the only “fancy” place around there was that hotel lounge so we agreed to make it a date there.

I met David seated calmly on a sofa with a bottle of water placed on a table in front of him.

Initially he was engrossed in his phone and only noticed my arrival when I was a few steps away from him.

He lifted his face and fixed his gaze on mine. I watched his face run down like twice from my head to my toes.

I just hope I didn’t do over sabi o ( I hope I didn’t do too much o)

He looked very handsome as a young man and something that I didn’t understand struck me from inside my body.

Could it be the spark?

I’ve been seeing this man every day at work for the past three weeks and I never felt like this. Well the thought of the embarrassment I thought I was feeling with my outfit, drew my attention back to reality.

“Welcome, you’re so beautiful”

He said calmly on his feet, stretching his hand to a chair where I’d sit.

Nawa o, so gentlemen still dey this land so? (So we still have such gentlemen in this land?)

It’s much easier to find a grain of rice in a bowl full of beans than to find a genuinely gentleman in our city.

I sat just across from him and a young man walked up to us with a sheet containing their menu and the prices.

I collected the menu list, scrutinized and flipped over.

I was so disappointed not to find actual solid food. I was prepared to actually eat food and not snacks.

“Do you want something else? I can get it for you..”

Guy, you’re too good to be true. How could you have ready my expression just now

“ No, I’ll take peppered chicken,” I replied before he finished his line.

“Okay”

My date ordered the same thing I ordered too and we were served.

It looked like it’s a normal thing for men to eat whatever their woman eats. On the other hand, I’d say it’s a tactic to prove compatibility.

Now, I feel like I know guys’ secrets.

The lounge guy honored forks and knives with sarvet wraps and placed them beside the chicken that we ordered plus two bottles of water.

What’s with the fork and knife again now for ordinary chicken

My date picked his cutlery up and started eating.

I balanced a gaze with the lounge guy and ordered a carbonated can drink.

“Please add a straw,” I concluded.

Since fork and knife is to act posh, I added straw to my can drink order to complete my “poshness”

We discussed a bit about how the week had been as he cut his chicken and I sipped my drink.

I think he got somehow uncomfortable cutting the chicken.

“excuse me”

He said as I watched him stood up to wash his hands at the nearest tap to our seats.

When he got back, I asked..

“Why did you wash your hands?”

“To eat, of course “

“Oh yeah, to eat” I replied with a scoff.

At that point, I was tempted to pick up my phone and update Valentina about how the going was going but I thought that we were only trying to act posh in order to impress each other by uncomfortably eating chicken with a fork and knife like the English.

“The chicken must be really hard, more like undercooked”

I dropped a remark after watching him eat his chicken with his hands for a few minutes.

“not really”

“ I just preferred using my hands”

“oh good”

This fine young man is just being himself and I thought it’s embarrassing? When we’re both in the same shoes..

I had it in mind that I’d wash my hands too so that I can match his energy but I thought of my “see-through” shirt again and embarrassment set in. Although not so many people were there, I was just shy because I’ve revealed some of my body parts.

“Why aren’t you eating? It’ll get cold” he asked again.

The first time he asked, I told him that I’d dig in soon.

“Oh I’m sorry, my manners. Are you not used to eating chicken with bare hands?
He continued.

I wanted to act posh again and say yes but I know fully well that it’d be too expensive to follow up.

“Not that” I said while I waive my right arm across the space between the food and my face.

I stood sharply like I received an energy and courage boost. I walked noiselessly to the tap to wash my hands so I dug in too.

After we were done eating, the lounge guy came to clean up the table, and replaced the plates with a fruit juice and two glass cups.

“Are you always this shy?”

My date broke the silence shortly after the lounge guy left.

I’d rather not talk about anything at all than matters relating to being shy.

“Oh me”
I pointed at myself.

That was very awkward. I was the only one he could possibly be referring to there.

“not really” “ maybe I’m shy because it’s my first time here”

“Okay, I understand you” he replied and continued..

“We can come here often, you know”.

Here we go

Nigerian men and their tactics. Who said there was going to be a second date?
I knew what that statement meant. I’d love to go on a date with him again but then I didn’t think it’d be that fast.

“Are you a regular here?” I asked.

“Not exactly! I’ve been here just once, this is the second time”.

“There are not many cool places around here. The first day I came here, I thought that the place was so cool and calm so I thought that I’d bring a woman I love here next and here we are”, he continued.

“Oh”
That part got me.

“oh” I repeated .

You know what they say about Yorba men and sweet mouths?
I experienced it in that instant.

“Oh, that’s good”
I said and couldn’t contain my excitement. I laughed out, sipped juice to subside it but to no avail.

I coughed out.

“Are you okay?”
He leaned forward towards me and repeated..

“Are you good?”

Hello Yoruba man with the lines, you know what you you’re doing to me, don’t fake it
I thought within myself and laughed really hard again while coughing in between.

“Waiter, a bottle of water please”
He opened it quickly and I took a few gulps.

“Thank..”
I coughed again.

“..you very much”.

“it’s okay” “your safety first”.

“Should we take a walk outside for some air?” he asked politely.

“Okay, that’s okay”.

We discussed the food and he promised that he’d cook something similar to that for me someday while we walked around for a while.

We went back to our seats after we took a few pictures together outside the lounge.

“So what do you think about this place?”

“ would you like to come here with me again?”

At that moment, I knew that I was about to make an important decision.

Again, I was tempted to chat my friend up about it before actually giving an answer but what point would that give?

“Oh you don’t like this place?, We can go somewhere else”

“No!” I said sharply.
It was as though the word found its way out of bondage.

“We can actually come here again"

“Really?” “I’m so excited”.

“What do you think about next Saturday evening?”

“Its fine”

“it’s a date then”

“Yeah”.

I could sense that he was so happy.

Let’s do this
He’s a handsome guy and I found him really attractive. He’s been responsible so far and a typically gentleman so, why not? Let’s do this!

Few minutes later, I tapped my phone’s screen briefly and locked it back.

“Oh my bad, it’s getting late already. May we go now, my lady?”
He asked in a very sweet and romantic tone.

As we walk out of the lounge, he said “ thank you for today”

“Thank you too for today” I replied, smiling genuinely, feeling fulfilled.

“I’d be on call duty at work next week Friday evening and Saturday morning, so you can come around on Friday if you’re less busy” He said with a serious face.

“Okay, I'll see to that,” I replied.
I stopped a cab that’d take me to the junction of my uncle’s house.

“I’ll call you soon, be safe”

I screamed “you too “ as the cab took off.

Ladies and gentlemen, I appeared at his workplace that Friday because I was less busy.

Our dating went on and on for two years before we got off the ship.

Thank you for reading my dating chronicles and success to every contestant.