My Greatest Fears: Losing And Being Ridiculed

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Hello everyone in the wonderful hive family. Hope you're all doing good. Trust u had a nice and amazing weekend. Once again, I'm grateful to the hive learners’ community for their wonderful and educative initiatives.

What is fear?

Fear is that paralyzing state that hinders us from doing a lot us things. Or that constant worry that prevents us from moving forward in life.

As humans, no matter the color of our skin, age, gender, or social status, we all tend to battle with fear at one point or the other. Some of us battle with the fear of failing, fear of heights, fear of being broke or poor, and fear of insects. Well, what matters isn't the type of fear we are facing but how we choose to deal with it. Do we let fear get the better side of us or do we stand strong and overcome it? Fear can either show us our weaknesses or teach us something that we need to overcome. The ball is in our court.

My greatest fear

This is a great opportunity. Opening up about your fears is one way to overcome them. That's why I’m excited about this topic. One of my greatest fear is the fear of losing

What triggered it?

Growing up, I was highly spirited and filled with the energy to do a lot of things. I aimed high and nothing stopped me from achieving a lot of things. I was the type of person that loves competing, not until something terrible happened.

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If there's something you should know about me, it is the fact that I love playing chess. I can play chess all day without getting tired. It was when I was in SS2 (Senior Secondary School 2) I was the best chess player in my church, so I was chosen to represent my church in an annual. chess competition that was hosted by a well-known organization. I prepared so well for the competition. I could remember I spent sleepless nights solving puzzles and analyzing games. Yes! I was now prepared to battle.

I passed the qualifying stage, it felt so easy. Not to brag, I felt like I was on top of the world because, unlike other players, I played my moves smartly and carefully. I won and I proceeded to the semi-final.

Though my opponent also played carefully and smartly, I outsmarted him, I was so happy when they called my name as one of those that’d be traveling to another state for the Big Game; Finals. I didn’t want my other wins to get into my head, so I spent a lot of days preparing for my last game. “I’d be so nice to bring home a gold medal,” I said to myself. I solved more than 500 puzzles, I even skipped meals so I could focus more on learning new openings.

It was a big day. The hall was filled with a lot of chess players from other churches. Chess wasn't the only game that was played in that hall. A lot of people that made it to the finals in different games were in the hall.

My opponent and I had 30 minutes each, if your time runs out, the other person wins. I wasn't even concerned about the time, because I was a fast player. I play fast moves.

Well, to cut the long story short, I was on the verge of winning when I made a terrible mistake. For those who play chess, imagine when your opponent forks your king and queen with a knight, you know how that feels right? He captured my queen and some other officials. I had no choice but to resign.

Though I went home with a silver medal, it didn't make me happy enough. I already bragged about how I was going to bring home a gold medal. I told people to prepare the red carpet because I was going to bring the trophy home and make them proud. Unfortunately, things didn’t go as I planned and I was seriously mocked. Though, most of them clapped for me and gave me gifts. Some of them made fun of me. They danced and clapped around me, although they found it funny, it was very embarrassing.

I spent days thinking about how I would've rejoiced if I had won the gold medal. I thought about it for so long that I fell sick. That incident marked the beginning of my fear of losing. I became scared of going to chess tournaments, I prefer playing tournaments online.

The fear of losing has affected me in so many ways. One of the negative effects it has implanted in me is procrastination; the act of delaying or postponing something. The fear of losing has made me postpone a lot of things that I could’ve done almost immediately.

It has also affected my desire to pursue my life goals. One of the things I'd love to do is to represent my country in a national chess tournament and become a chess grandmaster. But to become a chess grandmaster, you have to go through a lot of competitions.

Fear of being made fun of or being ridiculed

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Gelotophobia is the fear of being laughed at or ridiculed. I got to know about this word when I was in SS1 (Senior Secondary School 1). While most people don’t see it as a concern when they are laughed at, some people extremely fear it. Being laughed at can be a miserable experience. Some days ago I posted an article on the hive learners’ community about insecurities and how everything about my insecurities.

That is why I don't have a lot of friends and the same reason why I try to avoid group conversations the same reason why I select the type of friends I go out with. I hate being made a laughing stock. I hate being the butt of someone’s joke. Now, I'm scared of going out with my friends. What if they make fun of me? What if they say something about the cloth I'm wearing? Why are they laughing? These are the kind of questions I think of when I'm invited to go out with my friends.

The fear of being ridiculed has affected my social life negatively. I talk to a lot of people, but a few of them are my friends. I prefer to stay indoors and watch movies rather than go to the cinema with friends.

My coping mechanism

In all truth and sincerity, it has not been easy. I've tried several things, but they're just not working. The fear of losing and the fear of being ridiculed is nothing less than a major trauma for me.

Opening up to others

I opened up to one of my online friends (we have never seen each other. She lives in a different country) about this, and I think that is a very vital step you should take when you want to overcome your fears. Well, we talked for hours. The most important thing she told me is that I should always think positively.

Positive thinking

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Positive thinking is also known as an optimistic attitude. It is the practice of focusing on the good in any given situation. It doesn’t mean you should ignore the reality of your problems. It means you should approach any situation, whether good or bad with a positive mindset.

What if I win? What if I don't make a mistake? What if I play brilliant moves? These are the beautiful questions I ask myself nowadays. Though it has not been able to completely get rid of my fear of losing, it has been very helpful.

Visualize all potential outcomes

Not knowing what would happen next is terrifying. I take my time to think about the possible outcomes of the things I’m about to do. I try to analyze the pros and cons of what I’m about to get into. Knowing the best and worst-case scenarios helps prepare for what could happen.

Having a backup plan

This has helped a lot. In everything I do, I always have a backup plan. It never hurts to have a backup plan. Having a backup plan gives me more confidence. I’m rest assured that if what I’m doing doesn’t work out, I have an alternative. It helps me take calculated risks.

When it comes to how I'm coping with my fear of being ridiculed; well, I keep my circle small. I don't go out with friends that talk too much. Most times, I stay indoors for the whole day, without stepping out of my house.

My advice for others

I want you to take a deep breath. Done? Now smile broadly. Perfect. You should know that you're not alone. You're completely normal. There are millions of people out there that are just like you. So, don’t feel somehow, you’re not weird.

Take time out so you can physically calm down. Do away with all forms of disturbances so you’d be able to think clearly. Distract yourself from the worry for 20 minutes by taking a walk or meditating.

No one is perfect. Trust me, everybody makes mistakes. You are bound to make one too. So, don’t be scared at all.

Learn from your mistakes. Things might not go as you planned. But, it doesn't mean you’ve failed. Learn from whatever happens. Sometimes you win, sometimes you learn. It

Finally, talk about it. Just like I did, find a trustworthy person, someone that won’t use your fears against you. Tell the person how you feel and hopefully, the person would advise and guide you.

I hope you overcome your fears one day.