WHY IS SEX SUCH A TABOO?: THINGS I HAVE LEARNED ABOUT SEX OVER THE YEARS.

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Like most Nigerian girls, I learned about sex by myself, and the hard way if I would say so myself. While growing up my mother never taught me about sex or what sexuality was and all she ever said was “ if a male touches you, you would get pregnant and also don’t worry about sex now because if you start having it, you will get tired”, I don’t know how she thought that would work but it didn’t.

At a young age, I was introduced to certain sexual acts by abuse and even through these experiences I didn’t know anything about sex, and I never bothered speaking about it.

I also didn’t have the opportunity to learn about sex in school because there were no such things as Sex Ed classes in the school I attended so I was left to figure it out on my own by using certain pieces of information I learned in biology class which made my knowledge of sex very limited.

At 16, I got into my first actual relationship after I got into university and I had made up my mind that I wasn’t ready for sex and I made it clear to the human being that I was with which he agreed to but now that I think of it, I was too young to be dating and he would have probably agreed to anything I said.

Fast forward we had dated for a few months and we decided to take a trip together after school which ended in something that I now realize was non-consensual intercourse because I practically begged for it not to happen.

This experience pretty much ruined my view on sex and I didn’t have any interest in it, most days that I had it was just for the person I was with and not myself which screwed me up more.

Years later I have come to learn a lot about myself, sex, my sexuality, birth control, etc. and I would be talking about a few things I have learned so far.

  1. Sex is normal as long as it is consensual and you are safe so don’t let anyone guilt you into believing otherwise, yes in most religions premarital sex is seen as a sin but if that isn’t your focus then you are good.
  2. The moment someone has to convince you or guilt you into having sex, it is not consensual.
  3. If you aren’t interested in getting pregnant or using condoms, then you should consider natural preventive methods which could fall through, or birth control; I was on the nexplanon for a year and even though it had some side effects, it was perfect for me.
  4. Having a high sexual libido isn’t a bad thing, people are different and as long as you have self-control, you are good.
  5. Having a high body count doesn’t make you worse than someone with a low one and this is especially to women because there is a lot of stigma for women.
  6. A woman having an orgasm isn’t as hard as finding a unicorn, it is very easy if you learn about yourself and if you have a partner who isn’t selfish.
  7. Just because you are dating someone doesn’t mean you owe them sex, if you don’t want it, then make it clear and if they don’t like it then they can move on.
  8. Try to be confident while having sex, the person you are having it with already knows how you look so don’t be scared, also don’t be scared to experiment so you can figure out what you like, and if your partner refuses then they aren’t the one for you.
  9. There are so many videos (not pornography) that teach you about sex on YouTube and other platforms so make your research, personally, I have learned a lot from Adina Rivers.

I believe that talking about sex shouldn’t be considered taboo because knowledge is power and a lot of people are experiencing things that they shouldn’t because we don’t speak enough about sex and consent especially in the Nigerian society.

I practically had to learn about sex the hard way but not everyone has to learn this way so if you have any questions then ask and I will be willing to answer.


Thank you for opening this box of passion



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Hmm

Please what is "body count" Ma?

untitled.gif

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😆 how many sexual partners you have had.

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I am abstaining till marriage.

Its my focus, like you stated in 1.

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That's great, I support you.

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So what does body count mean?

Abstinence doesn't mean ignorance..

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I already answered na

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Seriously.. I couldn't believe there was a name for that. Haha.

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Conversations about sex are always interesting. I think we don't have enough of it.

And about female orgasms, the person you're with matters a lot. Having a partner who understands your body just as much as you do and is willing to keep trying to understand helps a lot. I hear there are techniques but I think they're relative to different factors.

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Yeah, we don't talk about sex enough which is bad, we all go pretending like we don't have it.

Well, your partner matters but for me most time, they are just a means 😆 you get

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I had my first sexual encounter in my 20's. I was big on the 'no sex before marriage' thingie but I throw all my morals away when I got into uni and saw how everyone was moving bad--plus I had just gotten out of a bad breakup. So it was a mix of peer pressure and curiosity

I am grateful I started exploring sex in my 20s. I think I missed a lot of drama and scandal that most young men in their teens would have attracted. I see stories about this a lot of times on the internet.

About the body count thing. I am big on having just one sexual partner. There are a lot of benefits to that. Having multiple sexual partners throughout one's life isn't ideal in so many ways. I would advise every youngster out there to wait if they can. This is not to say that those who have gotten past a certain threshold are not deserving of love but the implications are quite significant.

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I understand where you are coming from, I was celibate for a while before getting into my current relationship which kind of screwed the waiting till marriage thing I was trying to do.

Some of us were pushed into sex and not that I regret it but maybe I had the choice, things would have gone differently.

Also, I understand your view on the body count but I still believe to each their own, people shouldn't be stigmatized because of it.

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Okay, lovely educational post @khaleesii, everything you’ve said is spot on but seriously, you really do have to elaborate more on number six.. Things like that shouldn’t be summarized, stop acting like our mom, we need details.

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😆 well, most ladies would tell you that they have never reached orgasm during penetrative sex and people always talk about how hard it is for women but it isn't that hard.

First of all, your partner has to be willing, most guys might just stop having sex the moment they reach orgasm but a woman takes a bit longer and from experience and study, a woman can easily get there by continuous motion, so it is a no to different positions in 7 minutes 😆 but just doing one thing she enjoys for a long period with foreplay.

I would always advise a woman to be on top because she can control things more that way.

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Nice said. Sex isn't a sin but it depends on the way you take it.. it is good to give an orientation about sex for the ones that are not privilege not to fall into the trap

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Exactly, knowledge about something helps a lot to avoid certain aspects.

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Yeah exactly.. because wen you have an idea about something, you won't fall victim of it

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This is true.

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Yeah actually thats the fact. Its cool you talked about it

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Well...I hope we grow to do better to inform our kids or younger ones. Well, I had a girlfriend once that loved to have sec in weird places. Once she gets turned on, we must get down. I liked the spontaneity, though sometimes it was spooky, it was thrilling. I think she’s still the craziest partner I’ve had. I’m usually attracted to “weird”...normal bores me out.

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My goal is to teach my children as much as I can, I see no point in passing lies and hiding things because when you hide and they discover, they hide also.

Wait, anywhere ni, what is the weirdest place you got down?

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