The Baron World (Short Story)

Here's one about a reconnaissance team, who have been tasked with inspecting a baron planet in the middle of Dark Space; the goal of this team is to find someone who might be able to help them get back home.


Source

The ship was set in orbit around the planet. From this distance, it seemed desolate, baron, and dark. The sun of this solar system was dim, extremely dim; inspecting it on the ship's scopes revealed some kind of object covering most of it. But, rather than move out to examine it closer, Torin decided it would be better to check this world.

Upon reading for signs of life, the crew discovered that the place surprisingly enough was teeming with it. How they managed to survive with the bare amount of light provided to them was a question on everyone's minds. "Let's hope that the ground crew can find that out." This was one of the only things Torin said when he was able to pull himself from staring out the window into the blackness that their ship was drowning in.

The small reconnaissance shuttle was large enough to fit five of them, and while it was a little cramped, they all had a seat. Sterling Jeanke was situated closest to the door. His left leg was pressed up against the cold steel, and occasionally he would have to shift his position when the metal bars and buckles pressed into him. Facing him and sitting opposite was Ewan Wolfe, he was an engineer, little more than a spare hand down in the engine room aboard their ship, so he was given the choice to join the ground team. "I'll do it if it gets me off this ship." He said, with a smile. Ewan was a starer. Without saying a word he would just watch you; as if reading something written on your face. Questioning him about it would see him shake his head in confusion as if he didn't realise you were there.

Beside him was Anton Madigan, the crew's medic, the man had few words and would usually inspect his suit, especially the hands of which. Occasionally his leg would bounce as he sat picking away at his armour. Beside Sterling and facing Anton was Portia Jadin, she was an accomplished gunsmith, turned researcher. Mainly focused on botany, but she also delved into the research of other living matter. She was a talker, and usually had something to say; not that it was always of much use.

Their pilot was a middle-aged woman called Iria Stransy, who also doubled as their team leader once they landed. She gave the impression that she had seen everything a thousand times over. Nobody really knew her and that seemed to be the way she liked it. There was a certain amount of arrogance in the way she composed herself, usually taking over every conversation she joined.

Sterling stared back at Ewan, who was doing his usual vacant stare, his eyes shifting back and forth occasionally. They all wore the same armoured breather suits. "Our scans have determined that the air oxygen on the planet is breathable, but suit up just in case," Torin told them before they shipped out. The suits were white, with streaks of red throughout and the visor would automatically tint themselves depending on the brightness of their environment.

"Problem? You scared, Sterling?" Ewan asked, with that typical smile he wore after speaking; the speaker on his suit was a little higher than he seemed to realise. He adjusted the levels once he noticed the others in the back of the ship staring at him. "Sorry." He said while turning the dial on his collar. "No, I'm not scared," Sterling responded, hoping to shake off the stares from the others. The last thing he wanted was for people to think it was his first drop.

Ewan gave him a look, expecting him to continue speaking. Sterling crossed his arms and leaned back in his chair. "I've been on drops plenty of times. Back on Bastian, I would head out on expeditions, I was a part of the crew that established Hira, one of the planet's most prosperous cities." "Cities? Hah! Bastian? Didn't take you for a farmer Sterling. I thought you were from Thetis. You've held yourself as someone from the inner worlds." Sterling was taken aback by Portia. "What? Did you check my file?" Sterling asked her, shaking his head slightly. "Oh, I wouldn't get offended there Sterling, Portia checks everyone's files."

At this point, even Anton was staring at them. "Well, yeah, I grew up on Thetis, and when I signed up I was sent to Bastian after finishing in the academy. To be honest, I spent more time there than I ever did on Thetis. My parents moved around a lot when I was young." He said, feeling like he was being interrogated. Ewan just nodded, then turned to look out the window, then everyone else fell silent too.

"We're coming up for a landing, I'm not seeing anything on scopes at the moment." The captain called back to them, Iria seemed impatient, talking through gritted teeth. "Scopes playing up?" Anton asked, which was the first thing he had said all flight. "I don't know." She started messing with something at her control desk, then only a few moments later the ship lit up. "When the scopes fail, it's time to use the eyes." She continued.

Sterling looked out the window, standing up to get a better view of the ground below. There seemed to be huge mounds of dirt, which from this distance almost resembled buildings dotted around the terrain. "Trees. Lots and lots of dead trees." Iria said quietly. "I'll take us down at the next suitable landing zone. Make sure you have everything you need, once we're out I'm not running back to the ship until we're leaving."

Everyone started to rustle and shuffle in their seats, checking over their gear. Soon Iria was landing their ship and they were ready to move out.



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Soldiers of the future are going to have so much fun visiting these strange new places. I like the description of the characters.

"Problem? You scared, Sterling?" Ewan asked.
At this point, even Anton was staring at them. "Well, yeah, I grew up on Thetis, and when I signed up I was sent to Bastian after finishing in the academy. To be honest, I spent more time there than I ever did on Thetis. My parents moved around a lot when I was young." He said, feeling like he was being interrogated.

This is good banter between them. In these sort of situations everyone's on edge and sometimes tempers flare or someone is scared out of their wits. This can set the stage for later mayhem in the story as personalities clash or the mission goes sideway.

If you were going to further edit the story, I would add a bit more speed towards the end when they are about to land. This is the time when hearts are pumping as the shuttle reaches the landing. Paragraphs and sentences could be shortened to add vigor. The rush of adrenaline surges in the crew. The shuttle shakes. Rattles. This is it!

Great tale!

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Thank you so much for your advice man, and I'm sorry it took me a while to get back to you! I've been writing a bunch of these standalone short stories set in the same world as a kind of Anthology collection of tales that build up the world and help give context for the serialised stories, with this one I'l be coming back to continue this story soon, I've been thinking a bit about it and writing notes for ideas.

Yeah I can imagine the kinds of worlds out there waiting to be explored, for the time being though they will have to be explored in our heads !LOLZ

Yeah, I've always loved letting characters talk and interact with eachother, sometimes things can be revealed about them a lot easier when they're allowed to sit back and chat with each other.

!PIZZA

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