Parenting is actually scary

I was reading the details of this current topic and realized it's tailored for parents but most of us aren't parents yet and we probably don't know what it means to be a parent. However, we are going to be parents one day and I know I'm not the only one that has thought about the kind of parents I will be. In fact, I have sometimes found myself fantasizing about my future family, but I haven't actually thought deeply about how I will raise my future kids.

But first, let's take a peek at my childhood and how my parents raised me. I'm the first child of my family and that inevitably means I was the first experimental project of my parents 😆. Just like a lot of parents, mine also had some rules that I and my siblings had to adhere to at all times. My dad gave us a lot of freedom but my mom? She's the disciplinarian of the house, it's safe to say that she terrorized my childhood 😂 but as I grew older, I appreciated the way she raised me.

From an early age, I started doing chores around the house like sweeping, washing the dishes, and even cooking. Like I said earlier, my parents (mostly my mom) came up with rules that we all had to follow and whenever any of us broke those rules, we were beaten silly. I got whopped a lot by my mom because I was a very stubborn kid. The whopping was so intense sometimes that I started wondering if she was my real mom.

One thing I disliked back then was that my mom always confiscate any electronic gadget that I got hold of, be it mobile phones, MP3 players, handheld gaming devices (Gameboy, PSP), game consoles (Playstation and the rest). I was a very curious kid especially when it comes to technology devices, so no matter how she try to stop me from interacting with them, I always found a way around using them.

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This made me start hiding things from my mom. Whenever a friend gave me one of their devices to use, I always use them in secret but sometimes, I get caught by my mom which inevitably started making her have trust issues. One thing I realized later on was that the more my mom tried to stop me from using those devices, the more I get the urge to actually use those devices.

Things I won't do to my child

On that note, I'm not going to restrict my child from using technology devices. At one point I hated my mom because she constantly confiscated any device she sees with me and sometimes she even breaks them! So, I don't want my child to go through the same experience. I'm not saying I will allow them to collect things from people and bring them to the house, that's actually where the problem lies

If you don't provide the things that interest your kids, they will get them from somewhere else, and sometimes it might be through questionable means. Because I didn't have any gaming devices back then, I started collecting from those that do and it wasn't free; most of them will loan out their devices for a fee. And when I didn't have enough money to borrow one, I resorted to stealing; and that's the questionable means I'm talking about.

I'm not seeing I'm going to provide whatever they ask for, that will lead to another problem; spoiling them. I believe a balance can be struck between when to carry out their request and when not to. Even when I get them what they want, I'm still going to closely monitor them (especially if it's a phone). Thank God that with the advancement in technology, child locks, and restrictions can now be implemented in smartphones.

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Another thing I disliked back then was the intense beating I got from my mom and some of them resulted in injuries. I'm in my 20s but I still have a few scars I got from my mom when I was 12 years old. And you know what's worse? All that beating didn't solve anything (as I said earlier, I was a very stubborn child 😆). My mom never tried to understand why I did the things I did, the first thing she resulted to was punishment.

So, I'm going to take another approach with my kids. No, I won't let them go without a punishment whenever they break a rule but I won't start beating them. I believe in dialogue, I will try to find out why they did what they did and then think of a solution, of course the dialogue will be going on while they serve their punishment 😆. One thing my mom didn't realize back then was that emotional pain is way worse than physical pain, so I'm going to utilize that as a parent.

There are still a lot of things I will do differently from my parents when I become a parent but sometimes I do wonder; will that make my kids grow up to be better than I am? Well, I don't think there's a manual to raising a child properly and I will probably not do any of the things I talked about here, there are just the templates I plan to use but things might change later on and I will have to adjust them. This brings me to one very important point; COMMUNICATION

_{Image by Drazen Zigic on Freepik}

Communication will help me to determine the best way to raise my child. By simply talking with them every time, I can figure out what's best for them, that's one aspect where my parents didn't do so well. I'm going to be best friends with my kids to the point where they will be comfortable with sharing anything with me and their mom as well, and with that, I can properly advise them.

I have seen people having this kind of relationship with their parents and when you see them talking with their parents on phone, you will think they are talking to one of their friends. Of course, they don't tell them every single thing that goes on in their life, everyone has their secrets but at least my kids should be comfortable with telling me their problems. Once again, I'm not yet a parent but at the very least, it's best to think about it once in a while and start making plans for it.

Thanks for reading

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