A new day was approaching and with it a true visual spectacle, the first rays of the giant star reaching the horizon. My economy had improved, so I organized an express trip home.

And so the hours of the journey passed until I found myself in front of the housing development. I immediately experienced mixed emotions, which I soon embraced with all my might. I was going incognito, they were aware that I would be taking my quarterly vacation, but not of the exact day I would arrive home.

I got out of the car, stood with my bags in front of the front door, and said, "Family, family. I'm here" I could hear the excitement inside. Dad said to Mom, "She's here, the big girl is here, I'm running to open the door"

When I felt the doorknob, I looked up and prepared to pounce on my host. It was Dad, I hugged him and immediately my world was turned upside down. I was overcome with a coldness that chilled me to the bone... When I touched him I felt the considerable loss of weight, I pulled away and distracted, but apprehensive, I quickly swept my gaze over him. His eyes, though dancing with excitement and joy, were sunken. He was not himself, there was no health. I disguised my discomfort, we left our bags on the porch and went to meet Mom.

I shared experiences with them, but her discomposed appearance overshadowed the moment, demolished and greedily devoured such a sublime encounter. I could not stand it any longer and asked: "Dad, are you sick? What's wrong with you? I only found a mean and infamous silence. Mom answered: "For three months he has been losing weight. We don't understand what's wrong with him. I told her to go to the doctor. But he was blunt and said he would wait for your return" Dad answered "I'm fine, just a little tired" "Maria is already here, she will take care of everything" "I will do what she says" "Well, let's leave it up to here, let's go to the dining room"

Yes, we went to the dining room. But that night I did not enjoy the dinner at all, the food was bland and tasteless. There was no tasting, I diplomatically ingested a few bites. We said goodbye and I went to my room.

I threw myself on the bed and cried for quite a while. I knew, without having a diagnosis in hand, that storm clouds were approaching, harbingers of great storms. My head was pounding, I was overcome with a burning pain. My thoughts were racing. There was no balance, no synderesis, I was afflicted and desperate with uncertainty. There was no rest, insomnia assailed me. I spent the night awake.

At dawn, we had breakfast and went to his internist. She evaluated him and ordered a battery of tests. There was no time to waste. Those were exhausting, crushing, agonizing days, waiting for answers.

The day had come to clear up the unknowns... my cell phone rang and I answered: "Maria, come by the office when you can. The results of your father's tests have arrived" I immediately went to meet her. With apprehension and desperation I took them and began to read them. My hands were shaking, I was sweating profusely. What I feared was cancer. Kidney cancer. The left kidney was deformed, it had lost structure and function. The right one had hypertrophied, fulfilling the function of both.

My world was losing harmony, everything was falling apart, nothing made sense. I felt dizzy, everything was spinning around me. My fear had been confirmed. Dad had to have the operation, there was no time to lose. I thanked the Doctor for his attention and made the necessary contacts to accelerate and put everything on track. Dad was a strong man for the health of others, but fearful and scared for his own. I knew he would be devastated by this news.

On the way home, I decided that I would keep the secret with him. I would never reveal it to him. The therapeutic plan in his situation was surgery and then immunotherapy, to strengthen his defenses. He did not need chemotherapy or radiation therapy, words he knew and associated with cancer.

When I arrived, they were both nervous, waiting for news. I did my best, my best performance and said "Dad, there's nothing to be afraid of" "It's your left kidney, which has deteriorated. Nothing a good surgery can't fix." "You can live very well and to the fullest with only one kidney. The right kidney is intact and functioning very well." "What do you think?" I looked at him with my eyes, he was morose and saddened. He replied "Whatever needs to be done will be done" "I am in good hands"

When the time came, I told mom the truth. Although it was a half-hearted revelation, I was relieved. That secret was a huge burden. I had to move on, be vigilant to avoid any imprudence that might be committed and reveal it.

The following days were exhausting, the day before the operation we went for a cardiopulmonary reevaluation and a control ultrasound. We were kindly received by the sonographer. Already in the process, performing the study, he said "Mr. Manuel, your internal organs are without lesions, except where your cancer is, which is in the left kidney" My secret had been revealed. An unexpected revelation, dissipated and dilapidated the balance that existed. Dad looked up and his eyes were spears that projected on me.

On the way home, we were assaulted by a sepulchral silence, I had no words. I was saddened at the wheel. I felt I had outraged and offended his trust. I had done it because I loved him, to avoid his pain. I knew him perfectly well and I knew that the news would devastate him, because in his semiotics the word cancer was the harbinger of the exhaustion of life, of a fatal prognosis.

Days went by and he saw in him with sadness, how little by little his light was fading. He underwent surgery, but despite the success of the intervention, the deterioration invaded his being day by day. The balance so necessary in his body, mind and spirit never returned. The revelation of the secret unleashed in him very devastating effects, precipitating the inevitable…

In my interpellations, I often went through paradoxical contexts, I lived through adversity that I could do nothing to change. I was also the strong one, the one who not only had to watch over the sick person, but also develop tact and understanding in the face of family apprehension.

These are events in which you yearn again and again for the implausible and the impossible. But circumstances shake you again and again, and place you in the present. They announce to you that the time has come to let go, to accept the departure of your loved one, that the end of their existence has come… I miss you dad…