Regrets

For the first time in my life, I feel like I don't have any power, the power of money, the power of power, the power that every spoiled guy achieves; I am in lack of them. I wish I weren't this honest; I wish I weren't this calm and quiet; I shouldn't have cared so much about what's ethical and what's not.

I have always hated politics and stayed far from this unhealthy path, but it's always said that whether I have an interest in it or not, it does have an interest in me for sure. It comes with power and lots of money.

Throughout my whole life, I have always thought of not harming anyone unnecessarily, have cared for others, and have always maintained a good relationship with everyone. Perhaps being good is a curse in this society, and that's why the ones that try to have a minimal life face problems of the most complex kinds.

Such one is roaming around me, pretty hard, the hardest one so far, and will make the whole family suffer for a long time. What's the solution? Nothing, the damage is done, an eternity ahead of us to let it heal or maybe rot in the long run; who knows?

I have regrets, for the first time, for not doing the wrong that could have given me the power to stay above the wrong that harms people. I have prayed so much for our well-being, but this is what I am facing. I can't accept this; I can't accept it at all. Someone said that the Almighty tests us with problems, but why so hard? I can't bear it; it hurts so bad. One problem comes with multiple problems; it gets chained to one another.

Right now, I am seeing blank, and my heart is shaking with fear; so many things were there, so many dreams, beautiful ones, but things started to scatter; everything got changed just because of one problem. There was a saying; Hit hard, hit often; life played that Ace card on me. Is it a checkmate, or is there a narrow escape? No matter what, things will never be the same again. There are a few things and if those are spoiled, they are spoiled forever.

Things feel like a dream, a bad one that is happening for real. Usually, I get relieved that it's just a dream, and maybe for a few hours, I stay shocked, but this time, it came to reality, and it hurts a lot. It made me say that I am regretting for being so naive and calm. Why didn't I do whatever I should have done carelessly when I had the chance? Why did I care for others? What did I get in return for being so ethical throughout my whole life?

Everything is completely BLANK from here......

📸 Arne Wambeke