The Hardest

2023 is ending, and there is 2024 waiting for a start. New year, new resolutions. So how are you entering 2024? To me, this one is the hardest one, piles of things to worry about, piles of expectations to meet, and tons of dreams to achieve. If I look backward there are some significant decisions and events that took place in my life and my near ones, effects of them are going to last long.

At this phase of my life, when you are at the bank of taking responsibilities, no scope to delay anymore and you are struggling with them. Things are going sideways, but not too harsh or in my favor. It's like messing with me and teasing me day after day.

I am watching my school friends getting out of the mess, not everyone but many, at least the persons I had mixed mostly. Some are at the end of their graduations, some are settling abroad, some starting businesses that are doing well, and many more. I am happy for them, not even a bit jealous of their success, I want them to prosper more and more. I am just frustrated with myself.

What about me? Am I doing bad? It's not like that, I should have done something sustainable by now, maybe it's not late yet but I had the chance that I haven’t utilized it properly or done a few things wrong. Whatever I don't regret over the past things, because every decision of mine was correct for those moments, it's the upcoming ones that I am trying to prepare myself for. I am just not good enough that I am in need or to tackle the upcoming ones. Gotta level up and I am desperate for that. No matter what, I can't be in this situation for long. I am now floating in the mid-sea with the hope that I will see some greenery pretty soon.

Come on, I have had a better ending before, 2021 and 2022 weren’t like this. Hey wait, I am not saying that 2023 is bad, all I am saying is that the transition from 2023 to 2024 is way harder than before, I am going to face some of the hardest things in my life that I am afraid of. Those are going to be the results of a few of my choices but the plans I had made are not yet yielding anything that's what I am worried about.

Suddenly I was feeling down as if nothing was going as per the plans, I felt like scattering down, who knows what's ahead of me. All I can ask for is to keep me in your prayers, wish you the best for the coming days as well.