Wished to Grow, Now I Know

During my childhood, I had the immense desire to be a big boy very soon, as a kid had an interest towards the teenagers, at that stage to be an adult. I had always seen the lucrative sides that get to be seen from the outside, but we never realised the inner struggles that come with age and maturity as we move forward. Now that I've passed several phases of life, into adulthood, I've realised pretty well that it was a trap; my earlier life was thousands of times better than these.

Ten days remaining of Eid-Ul-Fitr, one of the biggest festivals of we muslim. During my childhood, till teenage years, there was a lot of fascination and excitement related to Eid, like buying new clothes, travelling, and many more exciting things. By now, I would have got everything like shirts, pants, punjabi, shoes, watch, sunglasses, and whatnot. The list used to be very long; nothing used to get left behind. The excitement and enthusiasm used to know no bounds. Oh, we won't even showcase this new stuff to anyone, only reveal on the Eid day, as we used to say, "If someone sees our clothes or stuff before Eid, our Eid will fade away." Hahaha, how naive we were!

And we grew up, no more excitement like that, now we don't care for ourselves, but those little versions of ourselves, we try to fulfil their wishes, try to get them the stuff within our capabilities, so they get to enjoy the Eid.

Today, went to a shopping mall for some shopping, not for me, but for the others. As I told ya, now those excitements don't work anymore. I got a pretty big list to fulfil, and only after that could my name be listed. The chances are very low, and I'm not that interested either. My excitements are surrounded by what I can give to others, making the Eid special for those tiny little souls.

Was busy picking what would fit on whom, who will be looking beutiful on which dress and colour, and while doing so, I got very little chance to click a few pictures. Usually, I don't click pictures, but today, suddenly, it hit me as I was already clicking pictures of the dresses to send the photos to the relatives to choose.

At the end of the day, we got nothing for ourselves; our chapter today closed while picking for the others. As we have grown up, it works like this. To be honest with you, I have no plans for myself, my budget and requirements kinda conflicting already, on dilemma whether I will be able to fulfil the list I have made already or not, so many things to spend on, so many things. If I can fulfil those properly, then I will be more than happy, buying something for me won't give me that happiness or excitement that I will be having after this.

So yeah, that's how the priorities are now; things have changed drastically. The growth we wanted so badly as a child now kinda freaking us out of responsibilities, or so. The maturity and freedom we thought of enjoying is not what we anticipated, by the time we got to realize its too late with no way back. Well, that's how life goes on.