Always give people the benefit of the doubt

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(Edited)
Few sundays ago, I was to meet up with a female friend in an eatery. It wasn't a typical date. She was to go there in the company of her female friend but when I learned of it through our chat, I promised to join them.

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Well, I didn't know how interested she was in my coming, so I wasn't so Keen on going. But due to the fact that I missed her and really wanted to see her, I still wanted to go, howbeit reluctantly.

I would have simply stopped by the eatery after church service, since she was already there by the time my church closed for service. Her church do dismisses before mine.

That wouldn't have been the first time of seeing her on that exact spot on a sunday. Most times I do stop by after church service and go home afterwards since my house isn't too close to the eatery. But on this particular sunday, I decided to get home first and get everything done before going to meet her. I guess it was due to my double mindedness which was caused by the fact that I couldn't tell if my presence was really needed by her.

The fact is, this person is no stranger to me. Infact she is the closest female friend I've got. She is quite special to me. I just couldn't spot that obvious keenness in the tone of the conversation we had prior to the purported meeting. I do pick up these signals, but on this particular occasion, I couldn't tell.

This was the kind of vibes I got;

"hmmmm.... no problem you can come if you want to".

That appears like the person is saying;

"I don't really care if you come, but since you want to, you may".

Mind you, she didn't speak any of those words but that was the vibes I got. Though it turned out that I was being assumptive.

Now; I'm a person who wouldn't want to hang out with someone who doesn't really need me around. Being needed is a big deal to me. If it isn't a business meeting then it shouldn't be based on a sense of obligation or consideration. It should be about two adults being excited over meeting each other. That air of excitement is what I couldn't pinpoint.

After learning of her presence in the eatery, I requested to know when she was planning to leave the premises, but I got no clear answer from her. She simply said that she doesn't know.

I assumed that she would be there till late in the evening since she informed me of going there with some books to read.

I took my time and finished up all I had to do. Afterwards I freshened up before slipping my slim self into a neat dress that looked nice to me. I felt comfortable in it. I didn't fail to ensure that I looked good and smelled nice.

Just as I started making my way to the eatery, I checked my phone only to notice that she had earlier dropped a message which was meant to inform me that she'll be making an exit.

Heaven knows I didn't see that message the time it came. I would have pleaded that she waits for some more minutes. That would have bought me the needed time to make my way there. Obviously, I was engrossed in whatever I was doing.

The message was already over 30 minutes late, as at the the time I saw it. I knew that it would take more than a miracle for her to still be in the eatery. She couldn't have waited for that long without getting a reply from me. Anyways, I scolded her for not calling me instead. But that's by the way.

As soon as I got the message, I dialed her number. I wasn't too surprise when she informed me that she was already at her doorstep, I even overheard her mum welcoming her home.

All my dapperness and suaveness amounted to nothing. what a waste of cuteness!

Surprisingly, my friend scolded me for not coming. She acted angry, I had to resort to pleadings while trying to improvise possible means of making it up to her. She turned down all my attempts, on the premise that she doesn't want me to spend unnecessarily. That was because I asked her to come out again, with a promise of sponsoring her fare. I also opined that I show up in her area, so we could find a location to hang out around there. She mentioned that, that would be too expensive since her place is really far from mine. She however accepted a date on another date. And we made it spectacular.

Something however happened on the day I missed the supposed date, and that's even what inspired this whole rant.

After she might have expressed her anger over my action, I called her to further plead for leniency, but she didn't pick up the phone.

I called twice without getting an answer. She however answered the third time, just when I was on the verge of giving up.

She later informed me that she wasn't close to her phone because she was seeing off an aunt who visited.

I had reasons to believe that it was a deliberate action on her part, due to the squabble we had. How wrong I would've been!

I would have gotten angry myself, since I believed that it wasn't entirely my fault.

I could have said this to myself;

"Why is she even overreacting to the point of refusing to answer my calls? Despite the fact that it wasn't entirely my fault, I'm yet trying to make things right. Why is she acting this way?".

My ego could've gotten the better of me, I would have chosen not to appear weak and powerless. I would have opted to protect my pride.

Pride, ego and power-game is what doesn't count for me, where relationship is concern. I don't mind appearing vulnerable to a person I love. Infact I believe a person that's not ready to appear vulnerable is not ready to love and be loved.

If I had gone ahead with those instincts, the little squabble would have graduated into a full blown quarrel.

Imagine her later calling me and me refusing to answer the call because I want to either prove a point, score a point or get even. Imagine how dirty the fight would've gotten, simply because of false assumptions cum absurd conclusions.

We must not be assumptive or act solely based on some unsubstantiated suspicion.

No matter how clear the evidence seems, it's yet safe that we give people the benefit of the doubt.

Nothing wrong in delaying your judgement.

You can't be wrong in exercising patience and refusing to act immediately.

There are many beautiful relationships that have broken over squabbles that arose from assumptions.

Flee pettiness.

Believe the best of people."

I prefer being wrong in the process of believing the best of someone, to allowing a beautiful union to go down the drain on the basis of assumptions.

Always give people the benefit of doubt, you'll never be wrong doing so.


Posted via proofofbrain.io



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Dude, I enjoyed reading this. But damn, why did you made the girl wait? Tsk3x. 😂 Oh gosh, if it was me, you are on the block list already 😂. She is one hell of a patient lady if she agreed to meet you up again. Yay! I want to know what happen next? So did you meet up for your second date? did you redeem yourself already?

There are many beautiful relationships that have broken over squabbles that arose from assumptions.

I can relate to this. Many times I cried because I assume the worst is going to happen and I throw all my negative assumptions and emotions to my partner. But I guess I'm one lucky girl because we always end up having a healthy discussion about things that made me say such things.

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It wasn't deliberate. She didn't want to give the idea that she needed me. Just girls game. 😀

Unfortunately I failed to see it for what it was, so I was double minded about going.

I truly regret it though.

She's a sweet girl with a sweet heart. Lol.

We even met the next day. She came to see me despite the fact that she was tired from school. She came because I told her that I was emotionally down due to an issue that occurred between my friend and my employee.

We planned another date afterwards, and it turned out fine. We are on the same page now. Lol

Sometimes we do tilt to negativity, it's great to have a partner that understands.

I'm glad for your comment. I was angry with myself cos I mistakenly posted this without including a community, but your comment is worth the post.

The post came out well anyways.

Thanks for stopping by. @indayclara

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We planned another date afterwards, and it turned out fine. We are on the same page now. Lol

Well, I'm happy for you that it turned out ok in the end!

I was angry with myself cos I mistakenly posted this without including a community, but your comment is worth the post.

Just always double check before posting! I made a couple of mistakes before so you'll definitely get a hang of it then.

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An interesting read that kept me gripped to the end

Seems there were both assumptions and mixed signals here which created your misunderstanding
But looking forward to reading how things progress moving forward

I found my way here via #dreemport

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An interesting read that kept me gripped to the end.

So glad that I was able to get you hooked. 😀

Seems there were both assumptions and mixed signals here which created your misunderstanding

Exactly! That's a precise way to put.

But looking forward to reading how things progress moving forward

It is already progressing well enough. Thanks.

Glad that you came around.

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You are one funny but brilliant guy! 😄 After all your dapperness and suaveness, you still missed your date?

Do you know I'd always wondered why we resort to pettiness sometimes when a little squabble happens? I believe it has to do with our pride and ego.

I'm glad you took the initiative not to assume she did not want to talk with you to ensure you got a second date. I know for a fact that not all men would do this. Just the 5% out of the 100% do.

Do me proud and don't keep your friend waiting next time. 😉😄

So glad @DreemPort brought me here!

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You are one funny but brilliant guy! 😄

It sounds like I'm a solution of humour and wit. It doesn't seem like a bad mixture to me. Thanks for being this kind with words.

After all your dapperness and suaveness, you still missed your date?

It was quite unfortunate. 😢

Such pettiness could've made a little sense to me, while I was in my teens, because I could've at least blamed it on youthful exuberance. Right now, I know what I want, and the reason I want it. Resorting to pettiness is a clear sign of immaturity to me. Such a waste of emotions!

I know for a fact that not all men would do this. Just the 5% out of the 100% do.

Now I'm thinking of how to laminate this your comment and hang it on the wall of my living room. No,no. I think it will be better around my neck. 😂😂

Do me proud and don't keep your friend waiting next time. 😉😄

Sure, I will, with so much passion, knowing fully well that I'll be making someone proud.

Thanks @kemmyb.

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Hello @mmykel. What a wonderful read. I'm a senior citizen and have been married for over 45 years. Thank God I learned this at a young age and the fact that you are learning this below at your age gives me great joy:

There are many beautiful relationships that have broken over squabbles that arose from assumptions.

Be it any type of relationship, intimate, friend, co-worker, family, your statement above is spot-on and has the ring of wisdom. I've known many relationship to falter and end due to presumptions and assumptions. Throw them out and give others the benefit of the doubt as you would want others to give you.

Pettiness, one upmanship, playing games doesn't end well if taken to far to recover.

Thank you so much for the read. I appreciate a level-headed young adult. Take care.

Read through @dreemport

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Hello @mmykel. What a wonderful read. I'm a senior citizen and have been married for over 45 years

Wow. Such a feat. I do admire such tenacious consistency. May your union continually be strengthened.

Thank God I learned this at a young age and the fact that you are learning this below at your age gives me great joy:

It's such a nice thing to learn it early enough. I'm glad I got to learn this now.

Thank you for such kind words. Those words actually made my day.

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So in essence, you missed the date 🙄 seriously, after all the preparations and nice shirt? Na wa for you sha 😂 because you refused to give her the benefit of doubt.

It's nicer that you used an experience to explain it very well and I've been guilty of it too hit learnt my lessons as well.

It won't hurt to give the benefit of doubt to people, it may just be what will strengthen a relationship.

Nicely written @mmykel git here through @dreemport

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Nothing do me ooo joor. No be the babe been de form form. Lol

We've all been, always assuming. Hope you've repented Sha? 😂

It won't hurt to give the benefit of doubt to people, it may just be what will strengthen a relationship.

You got the point girl. 👌🏾👌🏾

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😂 I've repented, I think so 🤔
Anyways, thanks for this post... E go well 😃

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You're welcome and thanks for such kind words. How u de? Hope se everiting go well for your side?

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I'm good and everything dey go well, thank God
And you? 🙄

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I feel your pain Bro, what a waste of cuteness... 😂 😂.. I think you were overthinking the way she replied you when you asked if you could join her... She might not have meant it the way you assumed.

I thank God you controlled yourself and didn't take the issue of she not picking your calls further..like you rightly said, it might have ended up being even a bigger issue.

We must always give people the benefit of doubt and not being assumptive or an overthinker.

@dreemport directed me to your post

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I feel your pain Bro, what a waste of cuteness

Such a colossal waste. It was quite unfortunate bro.

We must always give people the benefit of doubt and not being assumptive or an overthinker.

You got the point man. I'm glad that you stopped by.

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Hope you guys are good now though.. I know you like this girl so much.. Man up and tell her how you feel before someone else steals her away.. My advice though....speaking from experience

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