Story time: Spirited away.............

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(Edited)

Rachel brought it on herself. She could not help it - she was creative and smart. She was one of the first people to sign up for the newly rolled out SmartG. It’s the new RFID chip implanted at the side of her right thumb. It could literally open doors, pay bills with the digital currency called DigiMuni and it knew all her vital statistics. She was proud to have been in young developers team for the beta version. Now she was equally as proud to be one of the first volunteers for the 7 day test.

Rachel and her 3 teammates were spirited away to a secret location. They traveled in style in a flying car to the newest smart city called NewMuni. It was green, pristine and futuristic. Her small noise-canceling room was sparse but efficiently planned. Outside were ropeless side moving elevators and electric self-driving and flying cars everywhere. However, most of city life occurred underground. All was well on the first day as living in NewMuni was intuitive. She marveled at SmartG's final features and the new facial recognition system called FaRe.

On day 2, Rachel went to the underground coffee bar around 9:30 am. She met her teammates, Michelle, Adam and Tyler. When she departed, her room door opened automatically, thanks to SmartG and now she entered the coffee bar using FaRe. Everyone except Rachel ordered coffee using FaRe. She wanted her favorite hot beverage - a cappuccino. She drank one the day before and it was good.

Delicious cappuccino

The FaRe monitor showed this notification:
“Rachel Lamm - you have reached your maximum for the week. Do not proceed.”

Everyone was surprised. She was allocated 150 DigiMuni and still had ample funds. They recalled that the code stipulated 4 per month not 1 per week. Everyone encouraged Rachel to try one more time. Tyler teased her by saying,

“Come on genius, this is just a test. You can hack the system to get yourself a drink.”
Rachel agreed to try again.
“That’s the spirit!” said Tyler, egging her on.
FaRe then showed a similar but intriguing notification:

“Rachel Lamm - you’ve reached your maximum for the week.
You can't out-smart SmartG.”

Everyone chuckled. They thought it was a “smart” notification. Rachel now tried to order tea. The same notification appeared. Now it was Adam’s turn to quip,

“FaRe is not fair - it does not like the genius.”
Rachel was used to her smart-aleck colleagues.

Michelle was more sympathetic than the males, she said,
“It's a shame - I will order a cappuccino for you as I haven’t had one as yet.”

FaRe showed this notification;
“Michelle Fellows, you’ve purchased a hot beverage today. You’ve reached the maximum for this time period.”

They wrote down these malfunctions to inform their superiors. All four developers discussed the features of FaRe and SmartG. Soon the conversation changed to the prospect of their future careers looking bright, after being on the beta team and now being volunteers. Everyone was in good spirits.

Rachel returned to her room to call her husband, John. She wanted to call in comfort not privacy as cameras recorded their every move. They had agreed to daily calls at 11:00 and 17:30. She could speak to their children, Lia - 7 and John Jr.(JJ) - 5 years old - before lunch and dinner times respectively. Rachel curled up in the chair in front of the computer monitor and commanded SmartG to call her husband. Her call went directly to voicemail. It said,
“Press 1 to leave a message and 2 to re-dial.”

Rachel pressed 1 - the number re-dialled. She then pressed 2 and the number re-dialled like it said. Another malfunction? She made a note of it but found the error very annoying.

Rachel knew John would call if she didn't but she did not hear from him. Hmmm She could not text him either as she couldn't log in.

Rachel first called Michelle, her closest colleague, then the guys - the same thing happened. Now she was becoming concerned but she needed to maintain composure in order to think clearly. If she was being observed - she wanted to display calm even with SmartG malfunctioning.

"Was this really a malfunction”, she thought it was rather dubious as she recalled the words - “You can't out-smart SmartG.”
What is now expected of her?

Lunch was at 12:00 and dinner at 18:00. It's time for Rachel to go downstairs. Maybe the others could help her reactivate SmartG. She approached the door but it did not open. She waved her thumb over the panel-it became red. In frustration she tried again although realizing nothing would change. Rachel's computer monitor blared out an alarm. It startled her. It had an equally alarming message in red,

“Rachel Lamm, you've broken the rules. Your privileges will be reinstated after disciplinary actions. You can't out-smart SmartG.”

She could not believe her eyes! If this is a test, why disciplinary actions?

Rachel desperately wanted to speak to John. Her calm countenance began to change. She was now more fearful and overwhelmed. She paced the room racking her brains.

Now she stood at the window thinking about her family. The bright midday sun illuminated the city. She wished she could escape in one of the flying cars outside her window. Instead she was like a wingless bird in a cage. Without SmartG, she was trapped. Was she really being punished because of her love for cappuccino?

The day passed torturously slowly. It was almost 6 1/2 hours since entering her room. Pacing the floor provided no solutions. Periodically she looked at the video intercom for signs of life - only to be disappointed at every glance. Surely John would be concerned but he doesn't know her location. Surely one of her colleagues would come to check on her or inform their superiors. No one came to her rescue.

Rachel was now frustrated and worried - she disliked the silence and hearing her own thoughts providing no solution nor solace.”

It's now 18:30. She was curled up in the chair again - it felt more uncomfortable than before. She thought about her colleagues. She tried to consoled herself by thinking,
“They are wondering why I didn't return and why I didn’t call? ”

Rachel did not believe her own thoughts. Her colleagues did not come earlier so why would they come now.

No sooner had she finished the thought, when she heard a click at her door. The panel became green but sadly from the adjacent video intercom, she noticed 4 men in uniform. They stood perfectly still.
“SmartG repair men....but 4 of them?” Rachel thought.

This question and more flooded her mind. Rachel knew this wasn't good, she wasn't naive. One of the men spoke via the intercom in a monotone robotic voice,

“Rachel Lamm, we are from NewMuni’s Disciplinary Team. Please cooperate and come outside otherwise we'll enter and you'll be handcuffed.”

Rachel was scared and trembling as she walked towards the door. When she opened the door and stepped outside, the spokesperson said,
“You can’t outsmart SmartG”.

Before she could find her words, she felt a tugging on her right arm. She thought,
“I came outside but I am being handcuffed anyway - liar!”

Then she heard someone say,
“Mommy, can I please have my snow globe back?”.

As she opened her eyes, the light streaming in from the window casted a hazy, angelic glow around her daughter, Lia. Rachel was holding a snow globe labeled - “NewMuni - a futuristic city.” She smiled and handed the snow globe to Lia.


The photo is my own and taken with my iPhone SE2020.



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46 comments
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Hey there!
Simple things.jpg

I liked your play on words there. It was very smart!

Her small noise-canceling room was sparse but efficiently planned.

I would love to have a place like this to myself.

A lovely read this was:)))

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Thank you @millycf1976. I got carried away - spirited away - over a cup of cappucinno - lol
I am sure as a minimalist you would love the little room. No waste of space in a smart city.
Cool photo.

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Yes, I definitely would, especially since it would be quiet.

You're very welcome and thank you:)

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Wait what she woke up and it was all a dream??? Disappointed... I wanted to know what happened next! Loved the repetition of 'you can't outsmart Smart G' - very threatening and creepy!

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Lol - Sorry. I know exactly what you mean. Believe me - I had more in store for Rachel. However I was afraid of making the story too long and losing everyone.

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Whoa, the tech in the story was quite something but it's scary and creepy at the same time. I was thinking something bad was about to happen. Good thing it was just a dream. @momogrow the story is really well written! Keep up the good work!!!

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Many thanks @nichebezarius - I am happy that u enjoyed the story. I was afraid of making the story too long. Something bad could have happened indeed and sometimes they do. 😆

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Hi @momogrow. You are a talented writer, and you have a really nice way of spinning a tale. This story was incredibly compelling... all the way up until it turned out to be a dream. That is a common way out for writers who run out time or ideas. We always encourage writers to keep thinking creatively until a better ending comes to them. You can find our article on the topic, titled Don't Use the "It Was Just a Dream" Escape Hatch in our catalog of fiction writing tips.

We're glad you've joined The Ink Well! Please be sure to read The Ink Well community rules at the top of The Ink Well community home page, if you haven't yet done so. We expect everyone who publishes in The Ink Well to be an active member of our community. We ask every writer to read and comment on at least two other stories for each one published. Thank you!

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Many thanks for your feedback. Thanks for the welcome- I read the rules and will heed to them.
I will definitely read the article for some tips. Ideas were plentiful but I dreaded going over 1,500 words and losing the reader.

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Wow, this story really had me going. I was dying to find out whether it was a system malfunction or if she was being targeted in some way. It would have been really cool if she was part of some grander experiment and had no idea!

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Aww I am happy it had you going. It would not have been a malfunction but was afraid to make the story too long - over 1500 words. Sorry to disappoint with the ending.

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Interesting 😁😁.. I was scared for her but it was just a dream 😁😁... It was a dream 😂😂.

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Yes it was just a dream but dream sometimes feel like they are real. Thanks so much for dropping by.

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Yes dreams are part of us and we are real ❤

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This is one fine fiction, absolutely relished it. You write so beautifully Momo, so proud of you. To think it was all a dream😅 Now I want more.

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Many thanks @queenstarr - you wish for more - it is nice that you were intrigued. It is good to know.

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You have a good story lurking in there.
I like the set up of 4 coders/designers being chosen to be triallists - this works nicely.

The rampimg up of issues which arise, and are thought to be bugs works really well.

For me the switch to 'it's all a dream' is disappointing, although it explains the fantasticalness of the city not being such surprise.

If I could recommend one thing, it would be to have a look at Writing Tip #5 in TheInkWell' catalog of tips. For me utilisimg some of the ideas there would help your already engaging narrative to flourish.

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Many thanks for your feedback. I totally understand the disappointment. I thought my story became too long and that I would lose my readers. I have many more ideas. Now I know that my story is appreciated I wish I'd continued - maybe I will. 😀😀

Thanks for suggesting the tips - the Inkwell admin did as well. As a novice, I am looking forward to reading the guidance.
I've already read a post and understand why a dream is so disappointing. Now that I am a part of this community I will definitely read the rest of the guidelines and incorporate the tips.
Thanks so much for dropping by.

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This is nice.... I Dont know why am not a fan of stories but I tried to go through all of it. Nice art.

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I am happy you read it although you are not usually a fan. I am happy you enjoyed the read.

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To think that it was all a dream. I can imagine how restless and sweaty she must've been when she woke up from all the tension and confusion of the dream

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(Edited)

Yes indeed - the story continues 😀

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I'm a bit late to this, but it's never too late to enjoy a good story.

I really liked the pace of the story, started of normal, and next thing I knew I began reading faster wanting to know what happened next. I wonder what it would have been if it hadn't been a dream.

!LUV this, here's some !PIZZA

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I am happy you enjoyed the story. Sorry that I did that to you. Everyone is disappointed with the ending. I ws afraid it was getting too long. However I had so many ideas and I will figure out some way of sharing them.

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Wow 😲😲😲!
This is so nice, thrilling, enticing, hmmm...........................................

I wouldn't have believed all that happened was a dream.......... but I have to 😂😂😂.

That was one futuristic and newest smart city with a smartG. You can easily open a door with your right thumb, there are flying cars, moving elevators, no doubt Racheal had a nice tour in a fantastic city ( even if it was a dream 😂😂😂).

I really enjoyed this smart fiction, @momogrow 👍👍👍.

I am sorry this comment arrived late 🤦, please pardon me momo❤️🥰👍

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Better late than never. Thank you @nkemakonam89. I think I disappointed everyone by ending with a dream. My story was too long so I changed it. I will never do that again. I had so many ideas. I am happy you enjoyed the story.

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Nice play of words here. I got drown and didn't realize it was actually a long post until I got to the end.

I've equally experienced being stuck and helpless a few times over the years. So, I can relate with the thoughts of Rachel somehow but I can never write my experiences and make the story so interesting as yours. You're a genius at this :)

PS: Say hi to your new phone :)

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(Edited)

Aww thank you - I am happy you like the story and did not find it long. Next time I will be more daring and complete my thoughts. However you never know sometimes dreams can become reality.

Hmm - I do not want that new phone 😀

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