Parody - Oh thou, the chair in isolation!



Listen and read along:

Oh thou, the chair in isolation!

I am feeling your pain. Your aloneness. Your inability to be with others like your own. I know you need to be free with a community, but for now you cannot.

Alas, you -- are a chair.

A chair in the corner.

You... are in


I've put you in the corner

Like the naughty child you belong!
Stay there, for at least two weeks!

Without which you will not have favour in my eyes!

Can you even begin to understand why?


Have you no pride??!! 😠

The potential of your germs, of the free willing arses and arms that have wielded your plastics and metal portions!!

The potential for destruction you might cause by me sitting on your most beige imbued bowels!

I have a mind to keep myself separate from your particular brand of heaven ridden dross!

Have you no contempt?!
Will you not succumb to submission to the rule of 'the law'?

You make me vomit!

You must sit in the corner, like the rest of us all and wait....

Waiting for a proverbial Jesus to come... a micro-chipped vaccine wonder that will save humanity from cryptocurrency because we'll all suddenly be till death indebted to the banking system through a global societal collapse... !

(alright I admit, that was a rant, excuse me (cough, cough) -- oh shit, not a covid cough, just a general, needing to replace something with something else cough... alright, dammit, just leave me be..)

But woe!

How dare you consider that you can be free!

I found you on the street!!!

Any old wile could have touched your desicated plastics!

I command you to wait, before the presence of insanity.. before I can use you with impunity that you might serve me for the rest of my existence in my lonely decrepit state!


Oh, thou!

The chair in isolation!

Two weeks for thus and no less!

Be grateful for your plight!

I have extended your existence past the inevitable landfill-last-resort of your very predictable mass produced life!


This post is about a chair that I found on the side of the road today, in amidst the COVID-19 situation.

Edit (only one hour later after the original post, I was having a bath reading Carlos Castaneda):

To further enlighten this most serious issue an SMS text message conversation was had with a friend and it conspired thusly:

Friend: Chair seems ok with it, modest faux art deco, but will you resist her chairness?

I: I will yet meander on the futon!

Friend: Stubborn, sweet little chair beckons


Fuck you chair! Fuck you and your chairness! Don't you know what dangers your invite implies? Or shall I remind you of the ineffable rule of law!!??

'Thou shalt not sit!'

I spit on your fake veneered plastic and your degrading foam!

Friend: So un-chair

I: So be it!

Friend: Though possibly a chair of catharsis by the sounds

I: Catharsis my arsis!
The chair deserves all the shame it imbibes!
A dark revelry that not even the tainted saint will envy!

Friend: [soberly] Like the arsis pun

I: There is a pun in impunity

Friend: [silence]