Send me to Heaven
"How are you?"
A woman suddenly asked me while I'm sitting on the shore spacing out, thinking something but actually nothing. I just want to be alone because it feels very lonely not knowing what makes me lonely. As if, it's not my brain that is lonely but it's my heart that is waiting for someone to fill this emptiness.
I thought she had mistaken me for someone else.
"Ah, I'm sorry for suddenly bulging in."
"My name is Karina, I noticed you looked so lonely so I came over to ask you and so sorry for that."
She told me with a gloomy face but I must admit she's so pretty. Her eyes are twinkling and her face is shimmering when the ray of sunset passes her.
"Oh, I'm so sorry. It was an accident and I have minor amnesia. I thought I knew you, and I didn't want you to be offended."
"By the way, thanks for asking. I'm fine but just a little bit lonely inside," I added.
"It's normal, forgetting memories is like forgetting who you are but as long as we live there will be new memories to make, cheer up."
She said to me and I felt like a thorn in my heart was removed. I started smiling and we began to have fun conversations.
"By the way, my name is Lyndon even if you didn't ask."
I glimpsed and she replied, "Nice to meet you, Lyndon" and gave a sweet smile.
Our friendship started, it was fun hanging out with her every afternoon at the shore. When I was with her I felt like everything was fine because I didn't need to be who I was but who I am at that time. She's funny and thoughtful. There's that one time when we are together on the shore, only the both of us there.
"Why do you think we're eating food?" She says.
I began to get curious why she asked me that type of question. It was so obvious but still, I was curious. I showed her a serious look and listened to her.
"Why?" I asked.
"Oh come on, you still don't know that?"
All of a sudden she hit me in the shoulder but not strongly and started laughing. I wonder why she laughed at me.
"Of course, because we are hungry?"
I'm surprised by her answer but not because I didn't know but because I found it nonsense. Who wouldn't know about it? She laughed hard at me so I thought to revenge with a stupid laugh. I laughed hard and even clapped my hands and said.
"Wow!! What a good answer."
She seemed annoyed at how I acted so she hit me again and a little bit hurt and walked away. I chased her and told her it was a revenge joke for her fooling me. Then it's like I was fooled again, she's laughing again and also said it's just a joke.
*"I really don't understand her mood but I like her."
Yes, I began to like her and grew into I love her. I confessed to her but all of a sudden she looked so sad. She walked away so fast and this time it's serious. I followed her but she told me not to and waited when she could think of it.
Days that turned into one week that I haven't seen her. It was sad each day knowing she's not here in my paradise at the shore. The lonely feeling began to make me sad and torment my heart. I want to see her, I want to be with them and most of all, I want to spend my whole day with her.
2 weeks have passed with loneliness, finally, she shows herself at the shore. I thought of hugging her while my heart was still jumping from joy at being able to see her again. I almost cried because I really missed her but she stopped me by telling me.
"Save those tears later, please follow me."
I'm following her with so much fear in my heart after what she said. I feel like not following her because I know I had an accident and maybe I couldn't take it. What will I learn later, even so, I couldn't stop my feet from following her.
"Here we are," she said.
Looking at the surrounding, "it's a cemetery", in my thoughts and I thought of stepping forward because I'm sensing pain already.
"Please don't," she told me when she noticed me. "You need to face it or else you can't remember everything and be like an empty shell."
I have no choice but to follow her by forcing myself even though I'm sweating hard already.
We stopped walking in someone's grave and she said,
"See that name?"
I look at it closely and the name is Karina. The memories are not coming back yet but my heart seems could remember them already. I couldn't stop my tears from falling no matter how hard I'm wiping them.
"Wait? Wait? Is that you?"
I looked back at her as the memories were finally returning. I forced myself not to believe all the memories are coming back.
I had a fiancee named Karina but we were in an accident after the celebration of our engagement. We drank hard together and ended up in a car accident. I was not in amnesia but because it was too painful when I woke with blood while Karina couldn't show she's alive. I decided to forget everything because it was too painful for me to handle. The pain was killing me and I tried my best not to remember and ended up with slight amnesia that I didn't learn she existed in my life.
"Sorry" - That's all I could say to her and at this time she's in ghost form.
"Please don't leave me. I don't know how to live in this world without you. - I beg. I cried while kneeling down.
"I don't want to, but this is the reality and I need to face it even though it hurts so much. The dead can't stay alive to stay in the living and we are aware of that. Sad to say but we have no choice but to let go."
She started fading and I kept weeping from the anguish of my heart.
"I love you Lyndon and will always be even though I can not be with you anymore. Please stay alive, I may not live physically but our memories together will be mentally."
She faded. How can I accept this? How can I stay alive after all of this?
"God, send me to Heaven."
images are mine