I saw what they were smiling at. It was the same reason when I was there with them. I knew that kind of feeling but not anymore for now. I barely recognized my own happiness for now. I was too focused on doing things to have a brighter future because I came from a darker one.

I wished this kind of situation for them long ago. I kept hoping to have a better life when I'll have children in the future. I've been dreaming of not eating rice with salt when I have a family. All I just wanted is to make sure I can eat 3 times a day. However, I didn't expect it to be this hard emotionally. Physically and mentally I'm exhausted.

I remember I used to enjoy the weekends. I used to do nothing because weekends should be a resting time. I never thought that it would drain all my strength for escaping the weekend to reward myself with relaxation. I should have taken myself to the beach, mountain, or just a silent place where I can be alone. Far from the crowd and far from the obligations.

Sometimes I thought I was hurt just by working so hard. There was no wound but I imagined part of my body was bleeding. Then I remember just today before the dark engulfs. Today is Mother's Day and suddenly I feel broken. Sadness strikes when I remember the face of my mother. I miss her. I'm worried about her. She's really old and I'm not always there with her, fighting my life status battle.

I can not go. I can not be with her without something to give. I need to wait for a longer time. Even though I'm eager to see her, talk to her, and hug her. God, why is it not possible for now? Why does it seem unfair on my side? Why must things on my end have to work hard so much before to achieve? I sacrificed too many already and yet the results are still yet far.

Even so, I'm going to wipe out my tears. I need to stay strong. Rain does fall but not always. Sun does shine but not always that hot like burning. Just like my emotions, there are just those times it's down but when I overcome I become stronger. Maybe just because I was hoping that I can treat my mother with this special day for all the mothers. Maybe I was just desperate to be with her and to see her.

Thank you for reading

All content is my own unless otherwise noted
If images are being recycled, I just found it fit in my article.

ABOUT ME

_{Paul is the name but prefers to be called mrnightmare that feels like living in the dream. A country boy and a dreamboy (dreamer) who likes to stay in a small village even though it means abandoning the future to become a seaman. The passion is writing but not sailing in the vast ocean. Don't wonder if the face will not be shown, this is better where the words can flow smoothly. Come, you can tell me your stories and I'll tell you mine. Together, let's explore the world by broadening our thoughts. If you need a shoulder I can lean you mine and I hope I can lean yours. The world is fun when living is not being alone but with someone.}

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