Growing old is certain. The once young and masculine body will wither like a flower when not being fetched with water. There’s nothing we can do to stop or prevent the flow of life. While there were some who already said goodbye to life. There are still some who keep clinging to life and wish that living in this world will last longer. Why not when just being alive is enough despite the ruthless happening in today’s world.

Though the sad thing about life is when we get older. That’s the time we realize how wonderful it is to be alive. Unlike in our younger days, we didn’t care much about taking care of our body, dreams and plans. Maybe not too late to realize but still we’d hope we did better in the past. Though regretting is just wasting our energy instead of thinking of solutions.

Yes, there were those times that I wished to return from the past. Complete and most of all happy together. Unlike now, incomplete and at the same time we have our own families. Sadly, despite how old Mother is right now I cannot be by her side because I’m living far from her hoping to have a better life; I can help her needs and with my new family too. It’s painful almost every night when I do nothing. I think of her wishing she is still fine together with my brothers and sisters. Even so, I’m hurt that I’m not there to be with her all the time.

I cried in silence sometimes when my wife was already sleeping. I did it silently. I was almost out of breath because I compelled myself not to make a sound but only let the tears fall. Think of anything towards me, a Mama’s boy or whatever. I just want to spend time with my mom longer knowing she’s getting older.

My beautiful mother was proud that she looked like an actress but I knew she was only joking. Even so, I could tell she was the prettiest woman I’d ever seen by the time I was conscious in this world. I may have forgotten how she cried or smiled when finally I called her Mama. Now that she’s really old and almost couldn't see, this is my time to call her Mama from afar. I want to see her smile recognizing that it’s me who's coming towards her. Then on, she’ll hug me like it’s been a very long time ago even though it’s just a month that I haven’t visited her.

Oh come on, my emotions overwhelm me again like I feel crying. All I just wanted to do was to prepare myself for what I can do for her on her upcoming birthday. That’s why when we face each other I barely talk because what I wanted to say to her has already been expressed. I’m not good at talking, so writing is my only way to confess what I feel for her. Sadly, it’s hard for her to read this because of her poor eyesight and old age.

Maybe I’ll just make a promise to myself. I will be reading this one to her on the day of her birthday. I hope I can because I’m getting afraid of seeing her beauty fade. Yes, everything about her appearance changed. I just don’t want to mention what I’m most afraid of. So…

Thank you for reading

All content is my own unless otherwise noted
If images are being recycled, I just found it fit in my article.

ABOUT ME

Paul was born in Macrohon, Southern Leyte but currently living in Cahayag, San Francisco Southern Leyte. He graduated the course of a BS Mar-E or Bachelor of Science in Marine Engineering in 2019. Although writing is his passion so instead of sailing he decided on writing.

He writes occasionally about random stuff he would see in the outside world. He loves to express what he feels through writing because he's not good at speaking personally.

He also writes fictional stories and emotions because he thinks life matters. He is hoping that his words could reach someone who might be feeling down.

Join me and support me through my adventures not just to the world but also to the human minds not to hate being alive.

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