Happy? No, I felt honored when Gil invited me personally to join the hivecebubloggers to their Christmas party this coming 11 of December. I couldn't believe that I was invited even though they didn't really know me in real life. Through the engagement of her friends in their blog, I was recognized by her for sure. I noticed Gil doesn't go along unlike Miessy in conversations. So, I always vow in my head when she starts to say something. I'm afraid, it's not like that, it's just that I'm not the type of person who talks confidently.

I was invited by her and to know that she's the leader of the gang. I was happy and of course excited but did not forget the hesitating mode. Well you know I'm always a timid person so it's normal for me to feel hesitant. I'm thinking of joining but I don't understand why an unending drum roll in my chest won't stop me from imagining I'll join them. I'm not good with facing strangers because my attitude always feels insecure. Also, the other thing is that I don't feel like I'm deserving.

When I finally decided to join, a lot of questions came to mind. My world is different from theirs for sure. I thought of pushing myself in that small hole to be fitted with their world. The reason I'm not bothered with my current situation even though others think I don't have something. It's fine with me because I told myself long ago, "don't ask much when you can provide less."

A luxury lifestyle never came into my mind just once. It's not just this is my preferable way of living. I don't dream big or hope for the things it will be hard to reach. Call me whatever you want and don't think I'm not pressuring myself to achieve something. I'm doing my hardest but don't hope too much because for me to see is to believe and that's the reason I smile when it's within my eyes to be seen.

Looking at myself in the mirror while thinking of them. I thought of forgetting an experience that for sure will be regretted later. Regret for sure knowing that I'm eager to enjoy a gathering like this. I love an event like this but the stupid me always refused to be part of it. How many times have I thought of joining but found myself not. I've been searching for my confidence but nothing happened. I always found myself hiding from my dreams that I purposely dreamt as an escape route from reality.

However, I'm a grown-up man now. I'm willing to disappoint or embarrass myself in the future instead of always having regrets later. I'm thinking of ignoring what will happen in the future and just focusing on what is going to happen at that moment. If just a mistake or the right decision, let mrnightmare takes care of everything. There's always a platform to shout my sadness anyway. Also, there's a platform that allows me to rant all day to my hearts' content.

For now, I'm shamelessly waiting for that day to come and fly myself to go there. I already bought the clothes I'm going to wear. Yeah, I needed to buy them because wearing decent clothes is a big deal to me. I've said earlier that my world is different from theirs, so that's why. lol

Thank you for reading

All content is my own unless otherwise noted
If images are being recycled, I just found it fit in my article.

ABOUT ME

_{Paul is the name but prefers to be called mrnightmare that feels like living in the dream. A country boy and a dreamboy (dreamer) who likes to stay in a small village even though it means abandoning the future to become a seaman. The passion is writing but not sailing in the vast ocean. Don't wonder if the face will not be shown, this is better where the words can flow smoothly. Come, have fun with me and be part of my journey while talking about life events and random activities. It's fun to learn about life, don't hesitate, let's figure it out as we continue enjoying staying in this world.}

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