Why Listening is One of the Greatest Acts of Thoughtfulness

I never used to think that listening had anything to do with being a person. To me being thoughtful meant being kind being helpful offering support in ways.I have gotten older and realized that being kind isn’t and being truly thoughtful are different. Thoughtful things you can do for someone is not gonna fix their problem but we can simply listen.

One evening I remember my friend called me.

He had a day at work. He was upset. He started telling me about it. As he began I usually would have jumped in right away—offering solutions giving opinions trying to make it better.. That day I did something different. That day I listened.

I didn’t interrupt. I didn’t try to fix anything. I just sat there. Let him say everything he needed to say. I let him vent. I let him talk until he was done. After he finally stopped he sat in silence for a moment. Then he looked at me. Said, "Thank you. I really appreciate you listening. I feel better now.”

I remember that moment. I remember how clearly it showed me how much it meant to him to have someone just listen.

It wasn’t about fixing anything. It wasn’t about having the words. It was about being present. It was about making him feel seen.

There have been times when I wanted to talk about something that was weighing on me.. All I really wanted was someone to sit with me to not rush me to not jump in with advice just to listen. Sometimes I didn’t need anything fixed. Sometimes I just needed to be heard.

Now when someone wants to talk to me I try to be different. I put my phone down. I stop scrolling. I look at them. I make it clear that I am paying attention. I try not to jump before they’re finished. I try to be not to fix, but to understand. I try to put myself in their place and feel what they’re feeling.

To me being thoughtful isn’t, about being nice. It’s about sitting beside someone and truly listening to what they have to say.

At 26 I am still learning how to be a listener. I know I’m not perfect. I know I sometimes slip back into habits.. I’ve come to see that listening is one of the most powerful things we can do.

When we listen we show someone this one thing:

Your feelings matter to me.

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