The expectation of adjustments
We often hear these words, Please Adjust. Especially for females it is very common, right from childhood only, we are being told to keep adjusting to suit other people's need. I remember as a child, when I would visit my granny's which was a small house, me and my other cousin's sister were always expected to adjust, because the house was small for too many people and the elders could not adjust. There was limited space for everyone to sleep, so it was always we little girls who were expected to adjust. And because we did it couple of times, it became an unsaid rule that we had to sleep in one corner space adjusting ourselves.
In my growing up, at every step I was expected to adjust, adjust to sleep, adjust to hunger and food, adjust my voice, adjust my dreams and the list keeps going on. After marriage started a new way of adjustment. Then it was about adjusting in the new home, adjusting my schedule to suit everyone's need, adjustments with my career to take care of home, adjusting my finance to take care of family needs. Though some adjustments feel good but after a point of time you just do not want to adjust. You want wholesome and not part of things.
Sometimes we females forget our own self in these adjustments, we forget what really, we are. Making space for others, being flexible to be kind enough to others, it all takes strength time and again and sacrificing our own desires and wishes. When a baby is born, between the couple it is the mother who has to do all adjustments, whether it is her job, her lifestyle, her sleep routines and everything. The mother does it with love and grace and never complains about it.
Adjustments are good till the time they are a choice, but the moment they become an expectation then you are in the process of slowly disappearing yourself. When only one person is always expected to adjust, when what you do is not appreciated and goes unnoticed, and you keep doing it again and again then in the end you leave no room for yourself.
It's not about not adjusting, there will be times when you will have to, but the art is in to know when to stop and when to say No. I stopped adjusting long time back and that did not go well with many people around me, but it was high time that I stopped adjusting to make others comfortable and put myself in misery.
The adjustment that is shared between people builds intimacy and strengthens the bond but the adjustment which is one sides builds only resentment.
Thank you for visiting my blog. 👼🏻👼🏻💖💖🌹🌺🌸
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Adjustment is not easy but the course of our culture and lifestyle made us to adjust. I always salute the females for all amount adjustment they do in life. It is not easy but they make it look so easy.
Some of the things have become like an unsaid rule when it comes to sacrifices in the family.
I often heard this from my father growing up. I have an older sister who can be quite difficult to deal, but she is very much loved by my dad. Whenever there were times when she didn’t like something I did, she would immediately complain to my dad. Even when she was the one at fault, my dad would still take her side. There were times when I would end up crying, and my dad would tell me, “You’re the one who should adjust because you’re the one who understands more.”
Honestly, it can be exhausting to always be the one who has to adjust. And when I get tired of constantly adjusting, I travel because it helps me heal from the things I’ve been through and gives me a chance to breathe.
Haha, it seems like I’m getting too dramatic now. 😅
That's really unfair and sad and I can totally relate with your situation. In my case I was my dad's favorite but my sister was a bully and she would just refuse on things and dad would convince me lovingly to adjust, which after a point got very annoying and felt very unfair.
I am glad you have found your solace in your travels.
I believe that by expressing it helps resolve things that we have buried deep within.
That’s exactly why I always try to find different outlets in life, so I don’t keep my lens focused on negativity. I don’t want my life to be filled with negative things because the world is so big, and there are so many things we can do that can bring us happiness. I’d rather point my lens toward the positive things in life and focus on those instead.
I agree with your statement that females always have to adjust because I have seen it with my own eyes.
Thank you