Un claro ejemplo de esto me ocurrió recientemente en el transporte público. El autobús estaba lleno de gente, muchos de los cuales hablaban de la situación actual en Venezuela. No solo por la hora, que era alrededor del mediodía, sino también por el tono de la discusión y porque los ánimos estaban claramente caldeados, preferí permanecer en silencio. Pero la persona que estaba a mi lado, un hombre sucio y descuidado, que creo que incluso estaba borracho, me preguntó: "¿Y tú qué opinas de esto? ¿Estás de acuerdo en que se llevaran a Maduro?" Solo sonreí y volví la cara hacia la ventana. Quizás fue grosero de mi parte, pero también fue una medida preventiva. No hay mejor guerra que la que no se da, y sabía que, aunque argumentara mi opinión con pruebas, nunca convencería a mi interlocutor, así que permanecí en silencio. Ese hombre no quería escucharme; quería la oportunidad de descargar su ira. Yo no le di esa oportunidad.

_Pixabay

Del mismo modo, recuerdo que hace unos años tuve una pareja a la que quería mucho y, debido a ese amor, le permití hacer muchas cosas y decir muchas cosas. Nunca le puse límites ni le expresé lo mal que me hacía sentir su comportamiento, debido a ese filtro que aprendimos a utilizar para no herir a los demás. Pero una vez, solo una vez es suficiente si lo hacemos bien, me enfrenté a él, sin gritar, mirándole directamente a los ojos, y le dije todo lo que pensaba. Se sorprendió, pero también se mostró respetuoso. Había dejado de ser pasiva y, aunque podría haber sido agresiva, decidí no serlo; al contrario, preferí ser asertiva y, finalmente, en esa relación, mi voz había encontrado su lugar.

Admito, con gran pesar, que hay días en los que me resulta muy difícil ser más diplomática o asertiva, especialmente con ciertos temas y ciertas personas, pero lo importante es que lo estoy practicando. Respiro, cuento, intento mirar a la otra persona a los ojos, no solo para verla, sino también para que ella me vea a mí y podamos tener una conversación armoniosa y respetuosa, sin mentiras, entendiendo los procesos y las historias y, sobre todo, dejando claros los límites, para que la otra persona sepa que si tenemos que decir no, lo diremos sin culpa.

Este texto surge luego de la lectura de un post bien interesante, como siempre, sobre asertividad escrito por el amigo @emiliorios. Si quieres leerlo, aquí te dejo el enlace para que lo hagas.

Imágenes gratuitas de Pixabay y texto traducido con Deepl

Gracias por vuestra lectura y comentario, amigo. Saludos

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Versión en inglés

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Learn to say No without guilt

I am a Sagittarius, but I also grew up in a family of four daughters where my parents encouraged us to be honest, to say what we thought and felt, as it was the only way for them to know what we needed or wanted. Being honest, saying what I think and believe, has never been a problem for me. The problem has been finding a way to speak without hurting or damaging others, respecting their feelings and, above all, making it clear that my silence is not submission and that my words are not seen as aggression.

At some point in my education, after many mistakes, I learned to be honest, but assertive. It was no longer so important to express my thoughts and feelings, but rather the way I conveyed them, without attacking others, without disrespecting them, without dragging them into the middle as if I alone were right and the truth were singular: mine. In short, I learned to be more diplomatic or more empathetic.

_Pixabay

On the other hand, this exercise of putting myself in someone else's shoes has often led me to say yes when I should have said no a thousand times. Thinking that I might hurt the other person by saying no has given me many headaches and gotten me into a lot of trouble. Just as I fear confrontation and avoid any kind of fight, I sometimes prefer to remain silent, keep quiet, and ensure that my words are not the spark that reignites the fire.

A clear example of this happened to me recently on public transport. The bus was full of people, many of whom were talking about the current situation in Venezuela. Not only because of the time, it was around noon, but also because of the tone of the discussion and because tempers were clearly running high, I preferred to remain silent. But the person next to me, a dirty and disheveled man, who I think was even drunk, asked me, "And what do you say about this? Do you agree that they should have taken Maduro away? I just smiled and turned my face toward the window. Perhaps it was rude, but it was also a preventive measure. There is no better war than the one that does not happen, and I knew that even if I argued my opinion with evidence, it would never satisfy my interlocutor, so I remained silent. That man did not want to listen to me; he wanted the opportunity to vent his anger. I did not give him that opportunity.

_Pixabay

Similarly, I remember that a few years ago I had a partner whom I loved very much, and because of that love, I let him do many things and say many things. I never set limits or expressed how bad his behavior made me feel, because of that filter we learned to use so as not to hurt other people. But once, just once is enough if we do it right, I confronted him, without shouting, looking him straight in the eye, and told him everything I thought. He was surprised, but also respectful. I had stopped being passive, and although I could have been aggressive, I chose not to be; on the contrary, I preferred to be assertive, and finally, in that relationship, my voice had found its place.

I admit, with great regret, that there are days when being more diplomatic or assertive is very difficult for me, especially with certain issues and certain people, but the important thing is that I am practicing. I breathe, I count, I try to look the other person in the eye, not only to see them, but also so that they see me and we can have a harmonious, respectful conversation, without lies, understanding the processes and the stories, and especially, making the boundaries clear, so that the other person knows that if we have to say no, we will say it without blame..

Free images from Pixabay and text translated with Deepl

Thank you for your reading and comment, my friend. Cheers