The COMtest: Bow before me

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(Edited)

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You all have vices don't you. Notice I didn't say we, I said you all because I have grown past being mere mortals. I have ascended into something much more, a cosmic being if you will, one above human comprehension. If I even attempted to explain was I am to you, your brains would literally melt out of your noses.

Back when I was still like you, human, worried by petty things like who the prettiest Kardashian was or how I'd convince my sister she was a cow and we were going to eat her next Christmas, I had many vices but the one that stood out the most was...

Procrastination

I should've received an award for best procrastinator but they said they were going to send it later.

The problem with me was that even if it was last minute, I was still going to get it done, this only fueled my vice.

After a while I realized that I was only doing myself and had developed a lazy habit. After all, DannyCrowbar on Reddit says procrastinating is just like masturbating, it feels good at the time but at the end, you're just fucking yourself.

I decided to learn how to stop procrastinating but the book I wanted read, Procrastinating 101, said they'd write about it later so I'm still waiting.

Honestly I don't know why procrastination has a bad rep, it has literally kept me alive for years. You know how many times I would've committed suicide if I didn't procrastinate?

As I ascended into what I am now, I realized that I wasn't held back by petty human vices, I simply embraced it and I don't procrastinate anymore, I do everything at my own time.

Another vice I had to let go of was...

Gluttony

After so many years of hiding under the umbrella of being a foodie, I realized I was just a glutton, many of us are. Foodie is just a fancy word for saying I want to eat anything I see.

How do you spell 'the skies', like anytime you see a foodie out there, chances are they're just a glutton in the skies.

The last vice I had to give up was....

Butt and Boobs

This might not look like a vice to many people but if you know the things I have done because of a woman's big butt, you'll consider it a vice.

I wasn't always like that, I used to take price in liking a moderate size bum bum and boobs, that was until I met Kim Kardashian and I realized I was limiting myself to a world of endless possibilities. There's something butts and boobs does to you. Even now as a cosmic being, I don't have the words to describe the feeling.

You want to know the power of a big butt and a moderate size boob?(moderate size because I'm not trying to kill myself). Anytime you have a problem, find one of each to lay your head on and watch as you forget your problems.

The only way I could get past this vice was plucking my eyes out, that wasn't going to happen so I did what any cosmic being would do, I embraced it.

Throughout this post, you might be wondering what I ascended to. Well in simple terms, I am now a god, a god who isn't held back by limitations. Hold that thought, my mom just called for me, someone left the refrigerator door open again, I am in so much trouble.



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16 comments
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😂😂 you sound like a god of all vices more than anything else.

It's a pity you've ascended to another plane cos I just got my copy of Procastinating101 the other day. I haven't gotten around to opening the book yet else I would've sent you my copy to have a look.

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Unless your Reddit handle is DannyCrowbar, entries must be original content.

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Edited as corrected, please read again and let me know.

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Thank you for making it right. It's not for me dude, it's for yourself.

I'm just a human, what I say isn't scripture but I recommend adding your sources, every time, going forward.

I've never been to the face one or instawhatever it's called, this is still my only social media type experience and, on that note, I'm very familiar with the ins and outs of Hive.

Without properly giving credit the way you've done now when referencing or reiterating someone else's material is frowned on here.

Cheers!

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The problem with using jokes that aren't yours intentionally like this is that they cast a shadow over what is actually yours and what is simply copied from other places. This forces us into one of two places, either having to thoroughly go through each post you make here, which we probably don't have the time to do or just ignoring it so we don't take the chance of accidentally rewarding plagiarism.

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Hi @amirtheawesome1, I've been in the community for a while now and all the jokes I right are original, thought out from the itchy corners of my bed. Concerning the particular joke in question,

After all, DannyCrowbar on Reddit says procrastinating is just like masturbating, it feels good at the time but at the end, you're just fucking yourself.

I heard a friend say this and decide to incorporate it in my post having no idea it was DannyCrowbar's. I don't usually run plagiarism checks on my posts because I write them myself, maybe if I have, I would've caught it early. This wasn't done intentionally, you can check the other one's I've made in the past.

The reason I corrected it according to the name given by @dandays because that was the first encounter I had with the joke being someone else's. Maybe if I had said, "like one of my friend said... Procrastination is just like masturbating, it would've made a difference.

All I'm trying to say is this wasn't done intentionally that's why when it was spotted, I corrected it almost immediately.

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His comment isn't directed at your correction. You've made the correction, we moved on.

We're assisting you in your future efforts here.


If you wanted cheese and the first time you went to Market A, their cheese was fake whereas the market on the other side of the street, Market B, sells authentic cheese. Where would you shop?

Don't be cheesy.

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Point made, note taken, 100% original jokes, I would know, took my mum 9 months to make one😅😅.

Thanks you for the time.

Quick one, does this still count as an entry?

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Yes'ir, it does.

I'm glad you understand there's no hard feelings here. Your account's less than a year and half old, this platform evolves quickly, you'll get it. If you get stumped, shoot me a line. I don't know everything but I'll teach you everything I know.

Welcoming constructive criticism is a sign integrity.

Cheers.

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If you get stumped, shoot me a line. I don't know everything but I'll teach you everything I know.

Thank you, I'll be sure to hold you to this😅

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We're sorry, the producer you're trying to reach is either on another device or wrestling their vices. If you feel you've reached this message in error, please close your device and do anything else for fucks sake.

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Like Dan just said, there's an integrity issue. Put yourself in my place and once you see this from the perspective of someone who's running a community and works daily along a few others to curate what's posted in it. We're honestly only working to better the community and fill it with great rewards, as you will see in our next contest which will start right after this one. However, all this could go to waste in a second if people curating us, the people sponsoring us, and the people supporting us doubt the integrity of the community.

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I think that last vice didn't do you any good, really thanks to the universe that you passed to another plane, you are almost crazy now. I love to stop by here before I go to bed and in the morning when I get up, but this was too much yesterday we lasted almost 15 hours without electricity and today I get this. Hey, you really should have a family constellation done, so you know where you come from ha,ha,ha,ha and you know where you might end up. There are mothers that I really admire ha,ha,ha,ha. Thanks for leaving a little humor in these spaces

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Honestly I don't know why procrastination has a bad rep, it has literally kept me alive for years. You know how many times I would've committed suicide if I didn't procrastinate?

This line off me.
A deep thought on it has some good meaning 🤣

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This is beyond the comedy of an ordinary man, it is a stand-up comedy of a god.

Procrastination has indeed kept you alive and I am glad you have the habit to an extent... About boobs and butts, every guy has a testimony.

I am a living testimony and it baffles me how even gods fancy boobs.

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