The Simps are at it again

source

As public schools resumed in my country, I knew it was only a matter of time till I'd see a bunch of horny students around campus. It's been only a week and I have seen quite a lot already. The boys have had eight months to perfect their pick up lines and some I've heard so far are just...well, you decide for yourself:

"Hi baby girl, are you a vegetable cos you're sending a chill through my body, from my head to-ma-toes"

or

"They say beauty is on the inside so I can't tell if you're beautiful because I haven't been inside you yet".

or

"Do you have any room for an extra tongue in your mouth?"

A bunch of corny pieces of shit if you ask me.

Everybody is doing their possible best to get laid before exam starts, not me though, I've been reading my books since I got back to school. One interesting thing that has happened to me since I got back was meeting a girl named ROSEMARY. I can call her Rose or I can call her Mary, which ever I choose, kinda makes it look like I'm having a threesome.

There's been so many heart breaks in one week. Some of my friends are on the receiving end. If feel sorry for them, relationships can be hard, its always about solving problems, problems they wouldn't have if they were single. There's nothing worst than getting dumped just before your exams, oh wait there is, getting dumped and then failing your exams.

When I'm finally in a relationship, I want what my parent's have, a bunch of minions kids to do their bidding. They have a good thing going for them, they're still in love, must be nice

My dad knows how to get on my mom's nerve. I remember one of their conversations going a little something like this,

MOM: You know I don't like it when you leave your shirt on the couch, why do you always do it?

DAD: Because my life is incomplete without your constant nagging.

He always knows how to joke his way out of trouble, a skill I desperately need to learn.

While the boys were perfecting the art of picking girls up, I spent most of that time coming up with a plan to rule the student's dating system. The first idea I came up with was to steal all the calendars from the school but that required a lot of work so I settled with creating an app that tells college kids when there's someone horny around. Before you come at me, bear it in mind that someone already invented something close to this, its call Instagram.

I don't even stress myself with chasing women, they chase me instead. The trick is to steal that makeup from their bags and you instantly become a chick magnet, works every time.

I have to read now, don't want to fail my exams, might steal something from a girl's bag later.