Choosing Myself: The Moment I Realized I Needed a Break

Sometimes, pausing, taking a break, and reflecting is important. You might be speeding down the wrong path without realizing you’re heading for trouble. Taking a moment to think can help you recognize what’s truly going on. It can be challenging to accept that you need a break or that you should let go of certain things in your life. On the surface, it might seem like you’re doing fine and that all you need is a little extra effort to be okay.

For a while, I kept pushing myself at my internship, thinking I just needed to try harder, stay focused, and put in extra effort, convinced that a little more discipline would help. Initially, it felt like I was managing just fine; I was always figuring things out and overcoming challenges. However, deep down, I began to feel drained, less motivated, and a bit lost.

It all started when I began to lose the desire to go to the hub. I developed a nonchalant attitude towards lateness, projects, and inquiries. I used to be the person who would yell at my sister for making us arrive late to work. We would argue on our way, and at times, I would leave her at home and go alone, believing she could catch up later. As a junior intern, I hated lateness; in fact, I disliked everything that might lead to reprimands from my bosses. I tried my best to meet all the rules governing the hub, even to my detriment. This became exhausting, emotionally, socially, financially, and in every other way.

I was losing friends without even noticing, constantly distancing myself from those who cared because “I always had a project to complete.” It became extremely difficult to balance my social life, spiritual life, family, and work. I often stayed away from home in search of power supply just so I could "do a project" or charge my devices for studying. Being away from home with my sister meant leaving my sick mom alone to manage the chores, and of course, as a supportive parent, she would never complain. She always encouraged me to focus on my work and assured me that she could manage on her own. Many times, we stayed away from home for more than two days.

And let’s not even mention the laundry that piled up for days and even weeks. There was one time when I ran out of clean clothes and had to borrow my sister's outfits for days. Ironically, I didn’t realize how far I had slipped or how quickly I was becoming a shadow of my former self.

It wasn’t until one Sunday afternoon, after an exhausting workweek, that I was supposed to stay home and rest. But no, I was planning to head out with my sister to find power supply to charge our devices, and wherever we found it, we would sleep over. I was rushing through some chores just to meet the time we were supposed to leave. I was sitting down, arranging my clothes that were scattered all over the floor, at least pretending to do so; according to my mom, I had been sitting for over ten minutes, staring at space. When she called me back to reality, all I told her was, “I am drained.”

It turned out I was reflecting on everything, the friendships I had let slip away, the moments I had missed with my family, and the way I had turned work into my entire existence. Was this really what I wanted? Was this sustainable? The answer was obvious: I needed a break. But admitting that felt like failure. I had spent so much time convincing myself that success meant pushing through, no matter how exhausted I was, that it meant working under extreme conditions. But this was more than just extreme.

I spoke to my parents about my intentions to quit, and how I was feeling about it, the doubts, the guilt, and all the emotions that come with quitting. They helped me realize that stepping back wasn’t giving up. It was choosing myself. It was acknowledging that I was more than my work, that I needed balance, and that taking care of myself wasn’t a weakness.

When I finally found the courage to quit, it was as if a heavy weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I could finally breathe. I was talking to my sister about the kind of relief I felt, how, for the first time in a long while, I wasn’t drowning in deadlines or constantly worrying about the next task. It felt strange at first, almost like I was forgetting something important. But in reality, I was just learning to exist outside of work, to prioritize my well-being without guilt.

Sometimes, it’s not all about discipline. It’s not always about how others will perceive you or whether they’ll think you weren’t strong enough. Sometimes, it’s about being selfish in the best way possible, choosing yourself, your peace, and your happiness. Because at the end of the day, no job, no opportunity, no pursuit is worth losing yourself over.

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