How NOT to Be That Friend

One good friend is like a shadow that never leaves you.- Ibn Hazm

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As they say, show me your friend and I’ll show you your character. The friends you make in this life are like a reflection of you and who you really are. Why do you think our parents would always advise us on making good friends when we were much younger? This is because they have been in this world longer than us and they know that your friends can make or break you.

In my current life, I’m not really big on friendships. There was a time I didn’t have any friends as all but now I have a few. I think this has to do with how I was brought up. I love to roll with people that understand and appreciate me and this is been me since I was a kid. I don’t go where I’m not welcome.

Everything has changed in this our era and so has friendships. Looking back to ten years ago , friendships of those days are not the same as what we see today. Those days, friendships were all about being there for each other , having a great time, making good memories and many more. But today, friendships are more about who has more money, the latest gadgets or the most handsome boyfriend. Not to forget about the petty gossip. Funny enough, guys of this era tend to gossip more than the ladies.

I’ve had so many friends in my life but one thing I’ve come to learn is that I can’t keep them all. Most of the time I lose contact with them due to communication barriers or just by natural phenomenon. You know how you just start to drift apart from your closest friends and most at times there’s nothing that can’t be done about it. It’s sad, but that’s life.

If I knew a lot better about friendship from the start, these are the three things I’d tell my younger self.

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Set boundaries

In everything we do that is related to humans, we need to be able to set boundaries between ourselves and others. In as much as friendships are for a good cause, sometimes some people tend to cross their boundaries.

I for one wouldn’t sit there for my friend to insult me, talk anyhow to me or even boss me around. There are things I would never to do someone I consider to be my friend and I expect the other party to do same. In as much as you are friends with people, learn to set boundaries if not, you’ll get walked over all the time.

Learn to let go

Believe me when I tell you not all your friends are your friends. Some people just get closer to you so they can get to ruin your life. Some weeks ago, I was in my room cooking when I heard some students in my house having a conversation.

Funny enough, they were gossiping about people I knew from way back in university. Man, these girls didn’t hold back, they just spoke anyhow about them and I was really shocked. These people would be somewhere thinking they have friends but some of your friends are really not your friends.

Sometimes, you get so close to some friends you find it hard to let go. I’ve been in this situation before but what I asked myself was ‘ if they have been able to let you go , why don’t you put yourself first.’ Letting go of some people is very difficult but at the end of the day, you’ve got to choose you over them cos everyone would choose himself at the end of the day. Loosing a friend for the right cause is a win for you.

Quality over quantity

Some of us think everyone is our friend. My dear, not everyone is your friend. Those people you see everyday and say hi and hello to are just acquaintances. They are not your friends so stop trying to force yourself on them.

There’s really no pride in having a thousand fake friends when you can go in for just one or two good friends. I don’t have even up to 5 friends but I can proudly say that the few people I have as friends are worth keeping. Can you say same for yours?
Let’s prioritize quality over quantity when it comes to friendships.

A little something extra for you😅….

I always talk about how we need to be open minded. We are most likely to make unexpected friends on days we don’t even think about that. You someway someone meet this new person through weird circumstances and they grow to be your number one. Life works in mysterious ways and you never know who can help change your life. So, as you walk out there everyday, keep a smile on your face and keep an open mind.

If my younger self knew all these a few years back, things would have been more easier for me when it came to friendships. But , we learn from our mistakes and I did just that. I hope I was able to enlighten someone out there today. Thanks for reading.

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all images belong to me.

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