Kidnapped? Don't Worry, I Have a Plan

21 days ago

I always tell my friends that anyone who kidnaps me has found trouble for himself. I’m already a troublesome person on a normal day so why would someone even think of kidnapping me. And to make things worse, you’d even feed me when you kidnap me. That would save me some money.😅

I don’t ever wish to get kidnapped but sometimes I wonder what goes on in the minds of these people. I mean, you’d pick me up from the streets, blindfold me and send me to an unknown location. Then call my family to pay a ransom. What if I was a homeless person or even worse , a mad man or a hit man. Well, I bet you’d say these kidnappers don’t go around picking people off the streets anyhow. Not all of them take time know you, track your movements and all of that. Some of them just hop onto the street and pick up the first person they come across.

The only kidnapping I’d ever want to get kidnapped is one where my secret rich lover would kidnap me to beg me to love him back. Like we see in the Indian movies, if you know what I’m talking about. Aside that, any other kidnapping is a no no for me. 😂

But well, let’s assume I got kidnapped by some gang I know nothing about. In Ghana where I’m from, we don’t see much of kidnappings happening but let’s assume it did. I’m being picked up one night on my way from work by some men and I get blindfolded and kept in a dark bus. Off the bus zooms to God knows where.

For the first two seconds I’d be scared , obviously. I’d start to scream and kick my feet while throwing my hands around. Then, poor me is knocked out with chloroform by my kidnappers. Some God-knows-how many-minutes later, I slowly drift back to life. Thinking I’m just waking up from a long nap only for reality to hit me. I was being kidnapped. Now, I have to tell myself to calm down, take deep breaths, 1, 2 , 3, ……..

Then, I start to plot my come back for these bitches! In Africa where I come from , specifically Ghana , we believe so much in witchcraft and magic. So here’s my little plan to set myself free from this problem.

First, I’d probably be sitting on the floor in an empty van with two seats on one end where my kidnappers would be. My hands tied in-front of me or behind my back. Well, who needs hands when I have my mouth. I’d start to murmur some words under my breath. Slowly coupled with the mmmmmmm noise. That’s more like a warm up for the real show.

Gradually, I’d start the loud calling or names of imaginary gods and chanting in an imaginary language. All this is to make them think I’m a witch or someone with black magic. I would do and say all sorts of weird stuff to make them think it is real. Then , I’d speak in a language they understand, telling the gods to meet us at the next curve where the others witches would meet us and get rid of these wicked people.

I lowkey see them looking at themselves surprisingly through my blindfold. Waving their hands around trying to talk to each other in sign language. The driver on the other hands starts to lower his pace and the bus moves a lot more slowly than usual. At this point I know we are closer to the next curve so I start to call unto the other witches. Telling them we are closer and asking if they’re all set. Then I start shouting yes, yes, yes! In a minute, I start a countdown, 1, 2, 3, 4…. and before I realize the van stops and the driver runs out, a second later ,the other guys behind with me start screaming and follow the driver.

Now , I’m left alone in the middle of nowhere to save myself. I start fidgeting with the ropes around my wrists and I finally get them off me. Then, I slowly take off my blindfold and I sigh in relief. Now, I have a van to myself but have no idea where I’m heading to or any idea how to drive. At least I’m free.

I start to shout, yes! Yes! Yes! Only to be tapped by someone, I wake up and realize it was all a dream. A dream worth being acted into a movie.😅

all images belong to me.

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60 comments

@young-tari 60

21 days ago

All these interesting actions are a dream, no na @nhaji01, you're reminding me of Nollywood movies and how they'll start amazingly after the whole action then boom everything was a dream, the next scene you'd see the person that dreamt starting life all over again and you're doing the same thing to me why😁😁😁😁.

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