LOVE OR IGNORANCE?
I do agree with the “love is blind” narrative or “love makes us do stupid things” notwithstanding the outcome. Still, there should be a point where we know when to stop.
Sharon happens to be someone I met through a mutual friend. She met this guy, and they started dating. Long story short, she fell pregnant, they opted to keep the baby.
After the child was born, it was discovered that the baby was a sickle cell carrier (SS). Sharon was confused and devastated because she and her man had the AA genotype, or so she thought. Turned out he lied. In his defense, he lied because he loved her too much to let her go.
I’m pretty sure everyone knows by now that, in a situation where both partners have the AS genotype, for every pregnancy they have together, there is a good chance that the baby would have sickle cell anemia/Sickle cell disease. He should have known better.
My sister was a sickle cell warrior who passed away a few months after her 18th birthday. While I may understand that some of our parents who have also made the same mistakes of marrying a person with an incompatible genotype probably didn’t exactly understand the technicalities as to how these things work or perhaps they were just ignorant and hoped for a miracle. I will never understand why people make the same mistakes in this modern world despite knowing what the consequences could be.
By default, when I meet a new person, regardless of whether he’s a potential partner, one of the questions I playfully ask is ‘what’s your genotype? I do not want to make the same mistakes that my parents made because I now know better.
Look, I understand the rush of adrenaline. I understand how happy that person makes you feel. I know it’s pretty darn amazing to love and be loved in return. I get how you feel like you’re afloat. I know you’re happy and you feel like, without this person, life isn’t worth it. Trust me, I get it.
The thing is actions have consequences, and the consequences of marrying a partner whose genotype is incompatible with yours could be a child(ren) with sickle cell anemia.
I spent the first 16 years of my life with my sister, and I can tell you that she had more rough days than good days. She was always in and out of hospitals, poked with needles, pumped full of drips, blood transfusions every now and then.
I got to see her go through bouts and bouts of sickle cell crisis. She always had these ‘crisis’ episodes. I happened to see my sister at her lowest. There were days when she couldn’t even walk unassisted because she was either too weak or in too much pain; pain in her bones, arms, abdomen, chest, spine, etc. She was in so much pain too often that it broke my heart.
I went through her journal after she passed and I saw the part where she had written out her life plan up until when she was 70 years of age. Sadly all those dreams will never be fulfilled because her life was cut short by the terrible ailment.
I think my best memories with her were the award/price-giving days back in high school where she’d repeatedly walk across the stage to claim her numerous prizes. She was the most intelligent lad I knew. Sickly but full of life regardless.
This doesn’t imply that sickle cell disease is a death sentence. Furthermore, it is in no way implying that sickle cell carriers do not survive, oh, yeah, they do.
Personally, I know a survivor who is 40 years old. I also know that there are a number of procedures for treating sickle cell carriers now. The question is why make such costly mistakes in the first place?
Doctors have found different treatment methods to help ease their pain and help to prevent complications associated with the disease. However, the only promising treatment method available to permanently cure the SS, CC, and SC genotype is the bone marrow transplant (BMT). However, it is new, very expensive, and not readily available in Africa. In addition, there are risks involved.
Regardless, if you do not know your genotype at this point, I strongly suggest you go get checked. Help prevent/protect yet another child or children from this fate. I beg you to do the right thing.
Whether you have a partner or not, I cannot say this enough; go get yourself checked if you haven’t. I put it to you that it can also cause such strain on your marriage or relationship with your partner.
I know how stressed my parents were. I saw how much pain they were in. I saw how broken my mum was when my sister passed. It’s been way over 7 years but she is still finding ways to cope. It was never about how much of their time, finances, or whatever else they had invested into my sister’s health. It was about the fact that nothing they did could save her.
That being said, control your emotions and do not let love lead you astray. Use your head.
S/O to all sickle cell warriors out there, you've got this!