Embracing Life’s Most Turbulent Flow

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I never expected that August 15 would be the worst day ever in my entire life. Perhaps August was never good to me last year and today.

Behind my daily smiles are screams of deep sorrow and despair. How I wish things will run smoothly in life. How I wish the worst things will heal in an instant, but in a blink of an eye, the worst things all happen at once.

Today is the First Death Anniversary of my dearest sister, @erikasue. It seemed it was just yesterday but I never realized that it has been a year now since she was gone.

I admit still feel sad and lonely each day for not being together with her every day in the house. But I am trying to recover for my loved ones at present.

I may no longer see her with my eyes, and touch her with my bare hands but she will always be in my heart as I always remember her each day. But certainly, she is now my guardian angel and I am offering these fresh flowers to her grave.

Early in the morning, all things run smoothly. We went to the cemetery to offer our prayers that her soul will eternally rest in peace. We offered flowers and food for her. The foods that we offered were her favorites when she was still with us. After a mass was offered in the church.

But today, after the mass was done, another worst incident of August 15 happened.

While it is so hard to forget a tragic accident that led to my sister’s immediate death on August 15, 2022.

Shall I say every 15th is the worst day ever since? But not the Leo Power Up Day and it is my 8th LPUD though.

And now, it so happened that my father was rushed to the hospital due to a heart attack that led to a stroke. Now, he is still admitted to the hospital and I cannot help but worry, cry, and hoping for his fast recovery.

That feeling when I just wanted to scream and cry things out that I am thinking that I may be the saddest today. That feeling when I needed enough strength and resilience to embrace life’s most turbulent flow.

Life seemed so difficult for me not to mention that I have been into depression. I have been into panic and anxiety attacks since I experienced a traumatic experience. And these marked the struggles I have been through.

I rarely express my feelings. I do not share more about my life since I have been a reserved person since I was younger. How difficult it is being the eldest that I felt like absorbing every problem that our family has. How difficult it is to only have not many siblings to lean on since my closest sister was gone.

I have been into anxiolytics but I tried my best to overcome everything since I have to fight for life. I need to fight back against the worst since I still have a son to take care of, my parents, and my whole family who is looking after me.

People may just see me smiling like having no problem at all, taking selfies and simply smile, but deep inside and at the back of everything I have a lot of silent battles. However, whenever I feel the saddest, I simply write my emotions or simply go back to the happiest moments so I would never feel hopeless about everything.

And despite it all, I will just embrace life’s most turbulent flow with great hopes of a day full of laughter once more.

Disclaimer: All texts and pictures are my own unless otherwise stated.

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I always believed all that came before us from our ancestors up to those that recently left, they exist with us and always with us. It may not be physically but their energy and presence still exist just in different realm, our own pain sometimes are hard to carry and I hope you can carry them well. Stay strong pinkchic! Always in all ways. 😊

Praying for the swift recovery of your father 🙏

!luv

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Awww, appreciate your encouraging words at my weakest, Mebs. Agreed with you. I may not have much more to say, but know that this is so much appreciated.
!PIZZA

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(Edited)

You're one strong and lovely lady @pinkchic. I adore you for being so courageous and never giving up. It's hard that these things are happening to you and your family now, but you have remained firm. How I wish I could share your burdens with you so your heavy load will at least lighten up. Hopefully, you and your family will triumph in these battles, and you too, in the silent battles you're facing. We're always here for you. Praying for your father..
Sending you power hugs!

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Awww. Thank you so much withings. Know that I truly appreciate your heartwarming and encouraging words. Blessings to you.
!LADY

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One year na pala agad (｡ŏ﹏ŏ), kay bilis talaga ng takbo ng panahon aigooo.

Anyways, everything will be okay. Hoping for your father fast recovery. Fighting lang madam ᕙ(⇀‸↼‶)ᕗ

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Time flies so fast sis. Grabe ang dali ng 1 year but the pain is still the same. Still I am entrusting everything above. Thank you so much sis.

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Di na talaga mawawala ang pain lalo kapag it's already time na, minsan nga makakaramdam pa rin talaga ng panghihinayang, just like me to my sister.

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Your absolutely right about them being in our hearts forever. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers 🙏 I hope your father recovers and returns to better health. Big hugs to you friend. !HUG

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Awww, thank you so much, my friend. I truly appreciate you for stopping by. Thank you so much for your kind words. Have a nice day.
!HUG

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Sorry to hear about your loss. It's been a little over a year since I lost my sister too. They will live in our hearts forever.

You've been selected for @ecency curation. Congratulations!

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Awww, I so feel you, my dear friend. I know it is not easy. But as for me, it was so hard because it was tragic and sudden death. Thank you so much my friend.
!LUV

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I'm praying for your father's recovery as well as for you and your family to have strength and guidance. Stay strong, sis! Hugssss

We remembered you, @erikasue, and prayed for you. 🙏

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Much love sis. I thank you so much for the most caring and kind words. Have a nice time! Once again, thank you so much!

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I am deeply sorry for your loss. I never had a good relationship with my brothers because I suffered depresion and anxiety and not even I was aware of it, so they looked at me like I was the weirdo or the failed one. Still, one day, one of my brothers went abroad to live there and couldn't help but cry whenever I was. Funny thing, I still can't think of something of bonding between us two, but something in my body felt his presence loss. I can't imagine what I would feel if I actually had an strong bond with him, not to mention dying.

Mental illness is no joke. At least not for those of us who suffer it. May love and peace be with you every day.

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