Not all Colombian Cafes are as they appear…

Hi guys, I’m Simi, new to this platform and was introduced by @vanbliss who equally showed me this wonderful community of coffee lovers. Once I became a part of it I just knew I had to share my story here…

Minca, Colombia.
Where double rainbows and waterfalls are plentiful. Also where an innocent trip to a local coffee shop lands you in the hospital.
Minca is a small, mountain town located on the backpacker’s trail through Colombia. There are numerous souvenir shops and small, unassuming establishments dotted around the main town. It is a beautiful place; verdant and peaceful. Especially when staying slightly outside of the main town, amongst the mountains and indigenous people - which I did. However, this was only accessible via jeep or ‘moto-taxi.’

At this point in my travels, I was accompanied by my very best friend from home (she has now sadly returned to adulting in London and teaching the future generation). We arrived in Minca, ready for the tranquility that it offered, and a break from the endless cocktails that the rest of Colombia had doused us in.
A jeep driver drove us up to ‘Mundo Nuevo Eco Lodge’, our hostel of choice. It was a very bumpy ride to say the least.
Our days here were spent hiking, eating plates of vegetarian food, watching sunsets, and contemplating life whilst lying in our favourite hammocks.

One of the hikes that we set off on snaked us around multiple waterfalls, and eventually lead us into town in time for lunch. Yum.
We stopped off at ‘Lazy Cat Cafe’, I had come across it in my time researching Minca before our arrival. Here we enjoyed a lovely little lunch. Craving a caffeine fix after our long hike, I then ordered a coffee (it was a good one). However, whilst ordering at the counter, I spotted a sign - ‘Brownies’. Tempting. Of course I ordered one to take away; dessert for later. My friend declined my offer of a brownie for her too. Smart girl.
Once back at the hostel we began to play Bananagrams. For anyone who doesn’t know it, it’s like Scrabble, but without the judgement from everyone when you come up with a sh*t word. I tucked into my brownie, it didn’t take me very long as I’m not very good at holding off on eating snacks when they’re staring at me in the face, and basically inhaled it. “How was it?” My friend asked. “Not nice at all to be honest, tastes really weird. But not sure what I expected, Colombian brownies are obviously going to taste different to the ones back home” I answered.

A few rounds later, I started to feel a bit weird. I tried to ignore it but the feeling persisted. Eventually I had to share the information with my oblivious opponent, “I don’t know what’s wrong but I feel really, really weird… like I might faint or something? Like dizzy? Or like everything you’re saying is like really delayed…”. She looked concerned, bless her. “Maybe the hike? It was quite intense and it’s been a long day.. we didn’t have a filling breakfast either”, she replied. We did have a filling breakfast, but I couldn’t be bothered to even entertain her theory at the time. Panicking, I stood up, immediately ending our game of Bananagrams, and proceeded to the closest sofa to plonk myself on whilst muttering, “Ah, I don’t know what’s wrong, I think I need to lie down”. “Is it like there’s not enough oxygen in your brain or something? I really just think it was the hike, Sim” my friend replied as she made her way over to the same sofa. “Yes! That’s the feeling, I feel really light-headed, it’s horrible”. It’s hard to sum up here the feeling of panic and lack of control that I felt at the time, but it really was all-consuming. A few moments passed in which we awkwardly and desperately stared at each other, not knowing what to do next. “I think I’m going to go and lie down in bed” I suddenly announced as I stood up once again, making my head spin at the same time. “I’ll walk you there Sim, it’s not safe on your own…” it was getting dark and she probably thought I was at risk of falling over on the way to the room. It turned out that this was a perfectly reasonable concern, which became clear after I attempted to walk a few steps on my own.

This is the moment where everything changed. This very short walk back to the room was when the cogs in my head began to turn, and the memory of being bitten by a hostel cat on my second day in Colombia (12 days prior), returned with a vengeance. “Oh my god… I think I have rabies. Remember I told you I got bitten by that cat? And it pierced my skin?” I examined my hands to try and find the proof of the bite mark. “Yes I remember, how long ago was it?” My friend questioned, whilst laying me down on the bottom bunk. “Umm maybe a week ago? Here look, Google says the second stage of symptoms are mental confusion, dizziness, hallucinations…” I insisted. “Ok but, what, you just like, skipped the first stage? I’m not sure it works like that Sim…” The look on my face must have been enough to convince her though, because off she went to grab the receptionist. Whilst she was gone, for what felt like an eternity, I lay there thinking of how tragic it was that I’d never make it back home. How were they going to transport my body back to London? My poor mum. Poor me, in fact, I’d come travelling after a break-up only to die from a cat-bite. Pathetic. Where was my friend? And why was she taking so long? God, I just want this feeling to go away… hang on. The brownie? The brownie… and in rushed my friend. “Where were you?! You were gone for ages!” I exclaimed. “I was only gone for like five minutes Sim…” she said, perplexed. “Ok well it doesn’t matter anyway, I was thinking… do you think the brownie had weed in it?”. As I spoke the words I saw her face slowly change. “Maybe… that’s definitely possible…”, she murmured, “but I’ve got Alejandro the receptionist coming over now to help get you into the jeep. I’ve borrowed some money from the hostel ‘cos we don’t have enough cash to pay for the jeep to take us down to the hospital, wait there, and drive us back up here… but maybe we don’t need to go to the hospital?” I shook my head rabidly, “no no, what if it was a normal brownie, I need to be sure… I could die otherwise, I don’t think it’s worth the risk…” and in walked Alejandro, my knight in shining armour. He said something softly in Spanish, took my elbow and guided me through the communal area, up three small stairs (that I actually couldn’t have managed on my own - unbelievable I know), and into the jeep. My poor friend followed closely behind with a bag of face masks, and underwear, in case we had to stay overnight at the hospital.
A big, burly Colombian man smiled at me from the rear view mirror. Our driver. It was now pitch black outside, and as we descended down the winding ‘roads’, I gripped my friend’s hand so tightly that my knuckles went white, and feared for my life. If rabies didn’t kill me then this drive definitely would. On top of the fear that the jeep would tumble over the mountain, any time the driver hopped out to adjust the tyre I was convinced that he was going to pull out some kind of weapon and end my misery. The paranoia was real. No one uttered a word throughout that entire journey (it was about 20 minutes).
Finally we made it to the hospital where an off-duty nurse sat behind a desk and looked at me over her glasses. How long ago was I bitten? She asked me in Spanish. 12 days ago I think, I replied in Spanish. It’s not rabies then, she said in Spanish. Are you sure? I asked in Spanish. I’m sure, she said, yet again in Spanish. Well, that convinced me. I turned towards the jeep, half embarrassed half ecstatic. My friend was waiting anxiously in the jeep. “So, I think I’m just high…” I said sheepishly. I sat down and turned to the driver, “Do people smoke a lot here? And do they put it in things?” I asked in my broken Spanish, “Yes more or less… in cakes, brownies…” he replied.
We returned to the hostel, laughing the whole way up the mountain, not a care in the world, fears of having contracted rabies far behind us, and I of course polished off my dinner plate upon arrival.
If there’s anything I have learned from this, it is to never order a side of brownie with your cup of coffee. Or maybe do, because then at least you’ll be left with a funny story or two to tell.