I DON'T WANT TO LOSE HER NOW

_{(My Grandma)}

I remembered entering this same challenge post on campusgistars and here, you can find the link to my blog post about My Greatest Fear.

If you want to believe, we have many things we fear, I mean those things we are afraid of and we wish they shouldn't happen but we must understand that sometimes in things like this, what we don't expect happens and we are made to see the reality of it.

In my post then, I mentioned two of my greatest fear which is death and my future but are those the only ones? No, there are many things I fear so much that every day, my heart beats and even though it would happen, I don't want it to happen now, perhaps till when I can stand on my own and be of help as I have always been.

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MY GREATEST FEAR IS LOSING MY GRANDMA AT THIS MOMENT

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Did you read that well? Sincerely, if we should start writing about our lives, we would know some have a lot to say and we would be emotional and keep praying for them.

The truth is, my grandma being alive is the reason my Aunts haven't taken any step on my Dad because they are having mercy on him for the sake of grandma.

Ever since my mom died in the year 2016, things have been so hard and my Dad has fully resumed back to drinking to a stupor, and many times I don't feel like talking to him because he has been a big problem to the family.

His sisters have tried for him, giving him money and even helping him take care of his children. We are five with our parents but it seems my mom carried the whole responsibility before she died (I believe she went to rest 😔). My mom was the best mother I could ever have and I do miss her.

I love my Dad too but his attitudes and behaviours had chased everyone away from him, and he is almost losing his children, I don't mean to death but if care isn't taken, he wouldn't see us around him.

We forcefully took him away from where he stays in Lagos to our hometown, perhaps he would change but I think being with his mother worsened the situation. Yes, we did pray and we are still doing that and I hope for a miracle.

Now, his siblings have left him alone. His mother, who is my grandma is the one that keeps begging her children not to have issues but to always be united for her sake and they are trying to obey and do what she wants.

Many times, I think of this and ask myself a question; “How would the home look like if grandma leaves?”
Truthfully, it would be hard to overcome such moment but what would I do then? I don't know yet.

So, I fear that if she dies, they would completely leave and stay away from him since mama who has been trying to bring them together is no more. I don't pray death takes her now as I keep looking at mama, telling her not to always call death or telling Jesus to take her away.

I want her to still be alive. She is 95 years already and I still want her around us, to make the home sweet.

This is why I want to be in the position of being happy always and financially stable, at least if I need to bring my Dad over to my place, I would have the resources and ability to take care of him but I do not wish for a separation between him and his siblings and especially between us, his children.

I think the only way to cope with this is to keep believing and having the hope that God will keep her alive and even if it happens, I should be encouraged and realize that things like this would happen especially when we don't expect it, but bracing up and moving on with a positive mind would help us and most importantly, hoping that there's unity among us even behind grandma.

Don't feel emotional while reading, please. I just feel like pouring out what is burdening and bothering me, if I might find someone interceding for me.

Thanks for reading