I felt no stage fright.

I came back home from church yesterday evening and it was as if something was placed on me for a long time before taking it away, my body was paining and aching me. It made me so weak that I couldn't do any other thing even when I managed to prepare my meal. I just had to force myself to prepare the chicken stew that had been on my mind for some days now. At least this stew would take me for a few days; I need to enjoy myself this week.

Last Sunday after the end of the service, I suddenly bumped into my pastor's wife who informed me to get prepared as I would be joining her for the women's conference coming up on Friday and Saturday the same week. I wasn't feeling like going anywhere because I thought of my activities online; I had to change my mind quickly so it doesn't feel like I am refusing to work for God. Mummy was looking for some volunteers to attend the program from her parish, and those who should have gone are still writing their exams, and it would be uncomfortable for them. This was the reason she informed me.

I got home and started preparing ahead of the program. My mind settled for 5 pm on Saturday and I already planned how the weekend would go until early morning on Saturday after washing the public toilet as it was my turn. I got a message on my WhatsApp where Mummy reminded me not to forget the program in the church at 9 am.

Really? I was surprised. I had thought it was 5 pm. Why is it 9 am? I haven't even made a draft post yet and the time was still 7 am. Luckily for me, the light came at that moment and I quickly ironed my clothes. I planned to wear a black shirt, navy blue skirt, a black scarf (I had to watch YouTube to find the latest cute style for the scarf) plus my black and white sneakers and black socks. I'd imagined how pretty it would look on me, and putting it on, looked into the mirror and saw a beautiful angel God created. 😌😉

Many times I do shy away from speaking in public because even when it happens and I already control myself not to tremble or feel scared on the stage, I would find myself shaking and afraid in my mind. In the end, all I have memorized and practiced to say would disappear and would switch to something less than what I had prepared. I have stage fright and I know that. I have trained and taught myself indoors, watched a lot of YouTube videos on how to avoid it and it was working.

When I got to the church yesterday, I met the pastor's wife and a lady who were arranging the settings in the church, I joined them. The next thing was for her to hand over many tasks to do; she asked me to handle some aspects like serving all guests, ministers and provincial pastors from other parishes that would be coming. She gave me a part of the program where I would handle the intercessory prayer for 5 mins.

When she told me that, it was as if something hit my heart and it banged. In my mind, I was like, how do I face the people? Will I be able to talk? Why did she give me that part? Though I was excited because I am being recognized in the church by appointing tasks for me to do which has been something I have loved to do. I don't just want to be a member only, hence my joining the children's department and now, mummy is kind of noticing me. It makes me glad to work in the house of God.

I had to summon the courage, picked myself together and went hurriedly to find a Bible passage to correlate with the prayers I would be leading as a reference. Thanks to my phone and Google to help me out. I was still feeling my heart ringing slowly but I tried calming myself down.

When it was my turn, I was called upon. I already practiced what to say. I thought mounting the pulpit would create fear in me, but as I held the microphone, I didn't look straight at the audience because that is one way to forget what I needed to say and start trembling. I looked up and said what I had to say, I also led a few prayer points and once it was 5 mins, I stepped down.

I didn't feel any vibration in my legs and hands as before. I spoke calmly and wasn't interrupted by my fears. I felt great within me and that was when I noticed, I have overcome the stage fright that has been in me for many years.