A Father's Rant

For some reason, I don’t find it amusing to talk to people; unnecessarily. And it has earned me a bad reputation among the people I live with— even the closest of all; don’t mention the furthest. For a good reason, I must say— we usually do not share the same interest or tone of talking and understanding.

Be it my parents, family members, or acquaintances I come across occasionally, they find me annoying, in and out. But I don’t complain; neither did nor I will cause everyone has the freedom to be his own type of ‘creep,’ and it’s perfectly normal. So, I enjoy it when they call me ‘bully’ or commonly “Omanush.”

But it’s not that I don’t talk at all. There come some events when I am heard and given the most priority, and I know it’s time for me to talk. I don’t hesitate to seize those moments when my opinion has the highest value, irrespective of the context and experience. Most probably this is why I don’t like to talk about other moments, knowing that they will hold no significance in decision-making.

Perhaps, for the same reason, I don’t answer most of my father’s questions as my answers will only stir up the uncertainty and, most importantly, won’t please him— a very usual reason our conversation never finds a concrete solution; at least in ‘his’ way. So, it’s always a one-sided talk, and he knows there will be no reaction or progress to a fruitful ending. That’s why every time we engage(!?) in a conversation, he ends it by saying you won’t listen to me, I know, but it’s my duty to pass on the knowledge and experience I have gathered in my life, so you and your siblings don’t lose track.

The last line always strikes me, it makes me summarise the whole conversation, even try to follow the key points for a day or two, and then the essence is gone. He has all the positive attitude a man can possess, his words always convey a ‘doable’ attitude. In contrast, I am more of a ‘let-it-go’ guy with tons of ‘thinking-to-do’ attitude— but often end up doing what I do best— finding a point where I can merge my ways with his prophecy and gradually keep doing what I was doing before. This is where his enthusiasm for me goes bankrupt— not finding his words in my practice when the next meeting takes place.

Yes, we have a formal relationship and have been maintaining it ever since I was a primary school student. There is a backstory of such a condition— not a gruesome one, but still, a melancholic shadow overpowers the time I stayed with him, away from my family, for a good one and half a decade. Bittersweet times.

So, the meeting takes place when I go to my village. And usually, the agenda is derived from the past meetings— more like an HR auditing if everything was followed. Out of frustration, as he finds almost everything unchecked, he adds some new agenda with the previous one, and this is how it’s going, year after year. Sometimes some agendas get rescheduled, and some are taken off the list.

My reluctance has put many things like BSC flu, Govt. Job mania and such are off the list and still counting. While a part of me enjoys the things getting off the grid, the other part gets gloomy about a dream getting shattered, his dream.

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