Real Men Bake!

over 4 years ago (Edited)

Ok... it's time for me to come clean.

After many years of hiding in the closet, living in denial and dodging reality.... I want to let everyone know.... I'm a baker!

I wouldn't call myself a 'master baker' although I have been involved in the odd steem circle jerk here and there.

But yeah... I bake... and proud. Most weeks I make Bagels or a few loaves of bread.

My forearms are jacked up like popeye from all the kneading.

I've even been known to make a cake now and then... and my banana bread once got me laid. Ain't nothing a woman likes more than a man who can... bake.

I see a lot of posts on steem about how pumped particular people are by their gym routines.

"Bro, lets get Alpha and do some kale shots with added protein powder."

"Bro, you create your own destiny by powering through life. Rip, eat, sleep, repeat bro!"

"Bro, I'm going to write a blog about my workout routine bro and make coin bro. Just follow me and copy what I do."

"Bro, I'm selling a lifestyle... join the gym, listen to trance music, trade bitcoin and max out like me bro."

😂😂😂

FFS Bro, I'm not buying the cliche you're selling. So what is my point? Well.... "Real men bake!"😂

Lets take a look at a selection of the worlds most 'carved with carbs', 'kick ass kneading nutcases'. You wanna see a selection of Alpha males the likes of which your tiny minds can not comprehend? Check out this bunch from the great British bake off. Otherwise known as TGBBO... bro.

There you have it. If you watch the latest episode of TGBBO, you will learn that the best bakers are like marines... they never get emotional! I tried to make a compilation video with footage featured in the gif above but YouTube threw a hissy fit saying it couldn't be shown in some countries due to its content.

Yes, you heard it here first... YouTube is blocking extreme baking footage now! What will be next? Crafts!

You're better off using @threespeak where they will never block crafts 😉

If there is a moral to this story it is that the pressure of making the perfect round choux pastry can cause even the strongest Alpha male to unravel. It ain't easy whisking bro! I've been baking for years now and my abs are ripped to fck. I've got a genuine 2 pack from doing sit-ups while munching on bagels and swilling it down with a lovely pint of lager. What I do isn't easy... if it was everyone would be doing it!

... and as everyone knows... ain't nothing more gangster than 2 pac!

All gifs used in this post were either created by me or ethically sourced from giphy.com. The picture is of me taken from my bagel making post which you can find at the bottom of the list of links.

If you have enjoyed this satirical post, please check out some of my other comedic posts below. Thank you.

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comedy fun funny sarcastic satire comedyopenmic palnet creativecoin food busy neoxian oc

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16 comments

@meesterboom 80

over 4 years ago

I bake!!!

At one time I would even have classed myself as a master baker!! Although to be honest I have never done a bagel!

Baking is for real men!!

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@raj808 75

over 4 years ago (Edited)

Yes... finally someone who understands!

I experimented with some extreme baking on here about a year ago... but it didn't go down well with the lifestyle gurus 😂

Do you go as far as watching TGBBO boomy?

P.s. bagels are a pain in the ass but I learned how to make them a few years ago when I was out of work. Lol, you need a full day to make them and if Ur on the dole it makes you feel less depressed to have a bread bin full of bagels 😂

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@meesterboom 80

over 4 years ago

I bet it does help with that depressed feeling when on the bru as they call it here!! Hehe

I do watch it but to my shame I haven't seen any of the 'new' Ch4 series. The good lady hates Noel Fielding!!

I have convinced her to give it a try though!!

And I will be trying bagels soon!

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@raj808 75

over 4 years ago

Nice one. Yeah, give the bagels a try, they're not really that hard of you're someone who has made bread a few times. They're just fiddly.

I did a comedy character style recipe post for Bagels on here over a year ago called BadBoy Baker. He's kinda like the Scouse Ali G 🤣

Or if you'd prefer here's the blog I borrowed the recipe from.

http://www.sophisticatedgourmet.com/2009/10/new-york-style-bagel-recipe/

Posted using Partiko Android

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@meesterboom 80

over 4 years ago

I will have a look at the Ali G one, sounds much more entertaining!

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@partiko 66

over 4 years ago

Thank you so much for participating in the Partiko Delegation Plan Round 1! We really appreciate your support! As part of the delegation benefits, we just gave you a 3.00% upvote! Together, let’s change the world!

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@helpiecake 55

over 4 years ago

Hello!

This post has been manually curated, resteemed
and gifted with some virtually delicious cake
from the @helpiecake curation team!

Much love to you from all of us at @helpie!
Keep up the great work!

Manually curated by @priyanarc.

_{@helpie is a Community Witness.

For more information about our project,

please visit this month’s UPDATE post.}

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@wwwiebe 74

over 4 years ago

Haha, I love it! I bake too, and like to brag about my accomplishments. With fall here I'm ready to prepare my own pumpkin puree too! I make a mean pumpkin roll.

Reminds me of a t-shirt I saw awhile back: "Real men don't babysit their children; real men raise their children." Children, of course, are the result of good banana bread.

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@raj808 75

over 4 years ago (Edited)

real men raise their children." Children, of course, are the result of good banana bread.

I love this... And my first children were 100% the result of an overenthusiastic banana bread bake off 😂😂...

I misplaced my banana 🍌😆

With fall here I'm ready to prepare my own pumpkin puree too! I make a mean pumpkin roll.

It's always amazing when you squeeze a whole pumpkin into an itty bitty roll... That's a whole different level of bake off 😆

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@trucklife-family 79

over 4 years ago (Edited)

Yeah I knew you were A Gangster @raj808, can imagine you in a bake off for sure,
I loved this, always the lyrical/word master xxx
curated for CreativeCoin

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@raj808 75

over 4 years ago

🤣🤣 yeah... that's me.... a baking gangster 🎂🔫

Thanks for the curation @trucklife-family glad my bake-off silliness made u smile 🙂

Posted using Partiko Android

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@anneke 70

over 4 years ago

You go - a man in a kitchen and he can bake and knows his way around is sooooooooooo sexy and surely an asset to have. Bake on warrior....

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@raj808 75

over 4 years ago

Thanks anneke 🙂

I'm jacked up warrior style right now as I've been grappling with a particularly tricky clafoutis mix 🤣🤣

Thanks for checking out my daft comedy blog 👍

Posted using Partiko Android

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@anneke 70

over 4 years ago

Following - I like your blog and I am not a baker but I am an EATER...... my biggest treat in life is if somebody gives or make me something to eat.

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@mindtrap 75

over 4 years ago

So you are a bake like...for real?

How cool is that? Loved it actually mate!

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@raj808 75

over 4 years ago

Ha ha, yeah I do bake every week IRL. Mainly cause I'm a freelancer so I'm always at home it means I can make bread easily in between writing copy etc.

Really miss the comedyopenmic contest on here as it was one style of writing I'd never tried before I joined steem. Glad it give you a chuckle m8. And thanks for curating the post 👍

Posted using Partiko Android

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