When you care less, you live in peace

There was a time in my life when I cared so much about what people thought or said about me. It bothers me so much when I hear people say unpleasant things about me, some of which are not true. I find it difficult to take my mind off such talks, and sometimes it does contribute to my inferiority complex.

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When the challenges of life struck me some time ago and it felt like I wouldn't proceed in my academics, I faced many criticisms that would have cost me my future if I had acted on most of the bad things said to me.

It bothered me so much that I thought of just giving up. This was when I realized the importance of parents. Amidst it all, my parents were always there to encourage me and see me through that phase until I was able to come out of the situation despite all the abusive words I received from my family.

Then, along the way, I met a woman who served as an inspiration to me; her life was nothing less than a miracle, and that made me adopt her method of living a peaceful life without having to care or be sad about anything and everything people think or say about me.

At first, when I met her, what attracted me to her was her beauty. She is light-skinned and plump, and above all, she has a good voice. I got to know that when she joined the choir unit because we attended the same church.

As a lover of music, I love singers who can sing well, and that made me cherish her and want to sing with her anytime I have the chance. With time, we became friends, and I do call her "mama.".

After about a year of our friendship, she shared some of her stories with me, and I was amazed to see how she walked out of depression and was living a life with peace of mind even though she was in pain.

I visited her one Saturday morning and joined in helping her clean the house. Afterward, she cooked and we ate, then decided to discuss life generally when she told me some things I did not know about her.

"My baby," as she fondly called me, "I know you might have been wondering why I live alone despite being called a Mrs." Mama asked me. I guess she knew what was on my mind already; even if I wanted to deny it, she would know that was a lie.

"Yes, ma, you are right; I've always wondered why, but I thought your husband might be living elsewhere due to work," I replied.

She smiled and said, "I knew; I just decided to ask because I knew the same way you were thinking about it, the same way others were also thinking the same.".

"So, if I may ask, why aren't you with your family?" I asked.

"It would have been a thing of joy for me because I cherished family a lot, and having my own family is something I desire so much, but what if it doesn't work the way one planned it?" she further said.

Then I knew something had happened, and that was the reason she was living alone. "Is she a divorcee?" I asked myself.

I sighed and said, "Mama, do you mind telling me what you went through? I can see that you went through some difficult phases that contributed to the present life you are living.".

"I was married to a military man for three years, a man whom I cherished with all of my heart," she continued. "Wow! That's beautiful; I've always loved military men, but I've not met any," I said jokingly.

"He was transferred to the northern state, and I was ready to follow him to build my family, but he insisted I remain in our place of residence, which is a western state. After deliberation, we concluded, and I agreed to stay back while he comes for a visit from time to time," she said.

"At the beginning, it was all fine because we do communicate from time to time, and at least he does visit once every two months, which he does stay back for a week or more," she further said.

"That's fair; at least you get to spend time with him before he returns to work," I said with a smile.

"After a year, things began to change; he always complained of being busy, and there was a bridge in our communication," she said. At this point, I was looking at her face, thinking she would feel emotional about remembering the memory.

"Hmmm." I sighed and gulped out the cold water in the glass cup right in front of me. "For six months, he didn't pay me a visit, nor are we communicating well; I began to get worried," Mama continued.

"That's normal; you should feel worried about not seeing him for six months; any woman would do the same," I said, nodding my head in agreement with my statement.

"Whenever we talked, I always tried to talk to him about it, but he wasn't ready to listen. Things began to change drastically, and I wondered why," Mama continued.

Then her phone rang; it was her mother who called just to check on her. "Sorry for that; my mom is always calling every morning to check on me," she said, laughing at her phone.

"Mothers will do anything to protect their children, no matter how old they are," I replied.

"I tried talking to his parents and friends, looking for solutions because I didn't want to lose him, but unknown to me, I was trying to protect the home that's already been destroyed," Mama explained.

"Ha" was all I could mutter out of my mouth because I was wondering and asking myself, "Naso love dy vanish?, (Is this the way love ends?)".

"Till the end of that year, we weren't in good times. I cried over and over again. Then the following year, toward the beginning of the year, I begged him to come home, which he did. I was so happy, thinking finally I got the chance to fix my marriage," she further explained.

"Wawu! So you didn't see him for a year, and you had to beg him to come the following year before you set your eyes on him. Otilo niyen ooo (it has ended)," I said in my native language, and she burst into laughter.

"O lo far, my dear, (it had gone far, my dear)," mama replied, trying to bring herself back from her laughter. "He came home and told me he wanted a divorce," Mama further said.

"Shock nla niyen oo( that is a big shock)," I said surprisingly. "I was shocked to the marrow; his mother also came to support the divorce. I was dumbfounded," Mama continued.

I opened my mouth wide in surprise. "So what did you do?" I asked Mama.

"What can I do?, I asked him for reasons, and he said because I had fibroid and a delay in childbearing,"Mama said.

"Haha, what a reason, because of fibroid?" I asked again, surprisingly.

"Then he told me he is married to another lady in the northern state, and the lady is presently pregnant, so he wants to cut ties with me. This was a man I dedicated myself to ever since we got married, "Mama explained.

"I couldn't bring myself to sign the divorce papers; I was insulted by his mother on several occasions. And the funniest thing was that I attended the same church as the mother. She had already told most people about my situation, and I started hearing my story. People are painting different pictures of what I'm not," Mama further said.

"It got to a point where I couldn't withstand it again. I ran into depression and tried to commit suicide, but thanks to my mother, I'm still alive today. When I had no choice left since he wasn't picking up my calls any longer and didn't want anything to do with me, I had to sign the divorce papers and leave the state for another where I could start afresh," Mama said.

I was kind of annoyed at me because I was imagining how her husband could be that cruel. "He disappointed me," I said, nodding my head in pity.

"After I survived the suicide attempt and settled in another state, I made myself a promise never to regret any of my past actions by marrying him and caring less about what people think or say about me," she said.

I nodded in agreement. "See, my baby, people are free to think whatever they want, just as they are free to say whatever they want to say. Individuals are liable for their thoughts and decisions; what matters most is what you think about yourself. Here I am today, picking up my pieces. It is difficult to say the truth, but I know I will come out of it stronger. It's just water off a duck's back," Mama concluded.

It was then that I decided that if she could survive that, then I could survive any challenges that came my way by defining who I am by myself, not minding what people say or think.

Thanks for your time, and your comments will be appreciated.