What hurt me the most is loneliness

I hate the feelings when I see that I am home alone, since the moment my relationship with my ex girlfriend became complicated, my life has been a lonely Island, I could never remember the last time I had felt love, this was when I put value in a relationship,

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what more can I say?
I think I was more of a jerk to her and that makes her attitudes towards me not to be nice anymore, I wish I took her the way she was, this wouldn't have happened and I wouldn't have been so lonely now.

Yet, I allow the worst of my intentions to control me and now it has put me into shame and I am trying to find a way out of it, good things do not comes easy I thought, looking back at it, make me understand that a lot has happened between us already, but i keep asked myself.

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Is there anyone in this life that is one hundred percent perfect?

Would it makes any sense if i pleaded with her for forgiveness?

Is refusing to acknowledge the fact that i was wrong in saying i do not trust her anymore a good thing?

What would my life seems like if i do not go back to her?..

To me, i have had enough of her lies but on the other hands, i see those things that she does as a protective mechanism, inorder for her not to loose me, she would keep on telling me lies and Inorder to keep the relationship going, although some may not see it that way, yet all is for the betterment, what i may see as a good thing, other Peoples may see it as normal or a bad thing but what more can i do?
Such is life, things happen and people's learned from it so as not to experience it again in their life time.

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Loneliness is bad, the worst act of loneliness is hurt, whereby you sit in one corner and be covering yourself and not allowing anyone to see you then cried deeply, and it keep making your heart beats.

The last time i had this experience of being lonely due to remembering about my ex girlfriend, the person that save me from this hurting feelings was my neighbor Margaret, she knew a lot was going on with me, and she came to me, asking me what is the matter, at first i was unable to give her the answer she needed, then she looks through my eyes and saw how weak i was, she understands is the matter of heart and i was hurt, she said to me, cry no more, and do not think about it anymore, so that you can easily get your mind over it, her words was so encouraging to me, she added that, if i do experience loneliness again, trying to penetrate with my feelings, i should play a music, that only music has the ability to stimulate your emotions and so it shall take all negative thoughts away, i gather courage from her and said to myself, this i must get over it someday.

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I began to train my mind not to think about it anymore and i adopted the technique that Margaret taught me to always listened to music if i sense any Negative thought in my head and so was it, she was right about what she said, that was how i build my mind and emotions and never to be hurt and cried for the things that has passed in my Life.