I'm Already Expecting A Bad News: Depressing Thought Caused by a Stuffy Nose

It was when our cat, Ikay, gave birth in my room. I gave her space in my room so that she would be comfortable once she gave birth. It's close to where my bed was, but I'm okay with it. What could go wrong if I let them here right? I could just move them once her babies turn one month old or so.

But a week after giving birth, I noticed something about myself. A clogged nose that is giving me a hard time even in bedtime I thought it would disappear after just a week. I just take medicine and drink a lot of water for it to heal fast, but weeks later, I still have them. I searched on Google for what could be the problem, why I couldn't heal, and why that clogged nose was so persistent in staying with me, but I didn't like the result I found on the internet (｡ŏ﹏ŏ).

Aside from that, there's a lot of thick mucus coming out of my nose. And just look at this. I just opened this pack of tissue, but it is about to run out now. If I take medicine, it'll only harden, and it will be harder to breathe through my nose. It's really alarming. I thought I would never have to breathe using my mouth again, but due to the clogged nose that won't disappear, I have to breathe again in my mouth, and it is hard. I feel like it is some sort of punishment, and I can't help but overthink and feel depressed again.

I decided to take antihistamines and remove every hidden dust in my room. I finally moved Ikay and her babies into another part of the house. Sadly, the antihistamine was only effective for a short time. I will take it in the morning, and in the afternoon, here is the clogged nose again. I think it was effective only for half a day. I don't want to take more medicine, so I only take it once a day. But taking medicine every day is exhausting too, you know, so I just stop everything. I just keep my surroundings more clean.

One night, I was already in bed and was thinking some depressing thoughts. I am already sick of what I'm having. I am so mad, so I had this episode. While experiencing a clogged nose, my face was buried in my arms, and I was breathing in my mouth too. I was thinking, "Why can't I just die to get over this? Why do I have to experience it again? Can I just die?" And while thinking this, I was like, "It's okay to die now, I'm ready and content, so please get me here and let me breathe in my nose for the last time."

I still had a hard time thinking and breathing in my mouth, and even though I get to bed at 8, I still sleep late at 12. When I wake up the next day, I feel so low on energy. It is really exhausting to think too much. But I have to do this if I want to lift this heavy burden from my heart. Day by day, I feel like the weight of it is increasing, so is my nose, it's just too heavy. At least, by doing this, I can feel a little better the next day. I don't know, thinking the worst sometimes can make me feel energized again after that.

By the way, regarding my research about what I'm currently experiencing, I think I have allergic rhinitis based on some symptoms that I'm experiencing. And this is maybe the reason why antihistamine is so effective, even if it doesn't last long. And what concerns me more about this is that I feel a lump again on my nose, just like what I had before. If you remember, I had a nasal polyp before, which is why I had to undergo endoscopic surgery. I just wrote an article about this last month, and I shared how lucky I was in September because that's the month I Was Set Free From My Long Time Suffering.

But that happiness didn't last long because of my clogged nose (｡ŏ﹏ŏ). It's frightening just to think that I have them again. So, last week, I decided to share with my mom that I wanted to have a checkup. I also want to know if that nasal polyp is really back again, and if it is, I can plan a countermeasure by discovering it early, and with the help of the doctor, I can maybe escape from it with the help of medicine or whatever the doctor will suggest. Although I have to spend a lot for this, for sure, it's better to do it now than do it later and get worse.

On September 24, Mom contacted the secretary of the doctor who had operated on my nose before. Good thing it is still active, even though it has already been 6 years since we last called. We set an appointment, and because I'm an old patient and I already have a record, everything will be easy starting at that point. I chose October 10, next week, as my appointed date. My doctor has a schedule every Tuesday at Pinamalayan Doctor's Hospital, yes, once a week only, because his main office is in Calapan, which is almost 3 hours from Bansud to Calapan.

The good news is that Pinamalayan is much closer to where we live, which is maybe 40 minutes by van, and of course the fare is also low. I thank heaven for this because I don't have to go to Calapan just for the checkup. Now, I am just waiting patiently for that day to arrive so that I can finally breathe again. I hope so. I really hope everything goes well for me to get better again soon.

Although just thinking about my situation right is really depressing, I am still optimistic that I will get better again soon. I just stop giving too much attention to my nose, if I can't breath, okay, fine, I'll just breath on my mouth. That's my situation since a month ago so I'm getting used to it now. Because if I think too much, it was me who will be more affected. So diverting my attention into something more productive is what I can do. Thanks to that I can give more attention to my side hustle.

Everything will be alright, I know it will, so I'm okay ( ◜‿◝ )♡.