Photo by Daniel Jensen on Unsplash

I finally managed to show up to a Zoom writing session this morning. The community I'm part of doesn't usually Zoom on weekends, so the meeting was a pop-up. I saw the Facebook notice, took stock of myself in the mirror (pjs, bedhead, sleepy eyes) and decided f*** it. I'll give it a go.

Showing up in the raw was worth it. I have been reflecting over how I want to edit a manuscript I started a good 15 years ago. This morning, I sat with the most recent file of the story I could find and began that editing process. What I discovered was that 15 years ago, my plans for the novel were completely in line with the plans I made last Sunday.

I am honestly taken aback. I know I workshopped that story (at almost 60 pages!) with my favorite instructor. I have notes on a printed draft with his advice to develop what will ultimately be a YA novel. I had NO IDEA I had already begun redrafting the manuscript. Twenty-six pages later I'm still shaking my head in confusion. How did I manage to make that much genuinely valuable progress? And why did I stop?

I have one of the answers: I stopped because the manuscript deals with my writing haunts (themes and plotlines I can't seem to get away from no matter how hard I try). Engaging it, especially so many years later, has me feeling more than a little haunted. I kind of want to stick the manuscript back in a drawer, but I won't for a few reasons.

1. Those haunts? They stemmed from unresolved trauma in my childhood. When I was originally writing the Mx, those traumas were more than fresh, they were still existing. Now, they are not.

2. It has been a hot minute since I've been excited enough about a piece of writing to do a full edit. Completing this book will be more than rewarding for me, haunts and all.

3. I resolved to myself at the beginning of this quarantine that I would write. I have so many book drafts waiting to be completed. If there is a time to do it, that time is now.

I'm excited to keep going even if I'm also scared. This writing will be an adventure. It is going to take me to places I've already been and show me places I've yet to imagine.

What are you working on right now?

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I teach blogging, expressive writing for traumatic release and recovery and host generative writing sessions at the Center for Creative Writing. Write with me!

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