[EN/PT-BR] What we can really change
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At certain moments, life Life seems to play tricks on us, leaving us unsure of what to say or do. Life isn't easy for anyone; every day is a struggle, a challenge, but we do our best, and that's what matters individually. People judge, say hurtful things, and even those who should be there for you, who should be by your side, end up not doing so.
Doubts exist, bad moments exist, but that doesn't mean you're doing everything wrong; sometimes it's just life hitting us, showing that it's in charge. Lately, I've been trying to think this way: to worry about what I can actually do to change. There are things we won't change very quickly, and maybe they won't even change by the end of our lives, but people continue to judge and blame us for it.
But I think so clearly: how can I be blamed for something that is far beyond my control? I don't control time, I don't control money, I don't control my body's health (not entirely), in short, examples of how superior things are placed on our shoulders as if we were super powerful enough to change them. What hurts the most is that those who place this blame on us are precisely the people closest to us, people we like or love, and that seems to make everything much heavier.
Therefore, I have been trying to focus only on what I want, on what I like. We don't need to accept this blame from people without reason or choice. I'm sure many of us do what can be done, what is within our reach, and that's what we should try to do: worry about what we can really change, what an action or attitude of ours can really change in reality.
It's complicated, in such a complex society, to try to be like that, but it's something I'm trying: to take responsibility for my mistakes for what I could have changed and, along with that, not accept what I know I couldn't change.
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Em certos momentos, a vida parece pregar peças na gente, no qual ficamos sem saber o que dizer ou fazer. A vida não é fácil para ninguém, todo dia uma luta, um desafio, mas a gente faz o nosso melhor e é isso que importa individualmente. As pessoas julgam, dizem coisas ruins e até mesmo quem está ali com você, que deveria estar do seu lado, acaba por não fazer isso.
Dúvidas existem, momentos ruins existem, mas isso não quer dizer que você está fazendo tudo errado; às vezes é só a vida mesmo batendo na gente, mostrando ser ela que manda. Ultimamente tenho tentado pensar dessa forma: me preocupar com o que realmente posso fazer algo para mudar. Têm coisas que não vamos mudar muito rapidamente e talvez nem mesmo mudem até o fim da nossa vida, mas as pessoas continuam a julgar e a colocar a culpa em nós por isso.
Mas penso de um jeito tão claro: como posso ser culpado de algo que está muito além do que posso fazer? Eu não controlo o tempo, não controlo o dinheiro, não controlo a saúde do meu corpo (não totalmente), enfim, exemplos de que coisas superiores são colocadas em nossas costas como se fôssemos superpoderosos o suficiente para mudar. O que mais dói é que quem joga essa culpa em nós são justamente as pessoas mais próximas, pessoas por quem existe um gostar ou amar, e isso parece deixar tudo muito mais pesado.
Por isso, tenho tentado somente focar no que quero, no que gosto. Não precisamos ficar aceitando essa culpa das pessoas assim, sem motivo ou opção. Tenho certeza de que muitos de nós faz o que pode ser feito, o que está no nosso alcance, e é isso que devemos tentar fazer: se preocupar com o que realmente podemos mudar, o que uma ação ou atitude nossa possa realmente mudar na realidade.
É complicado, em uma sociedade tão complexa, tentar ser assim, mas é algo que estou tentando: assumir meus erros pelo que realmente poderia ter mudado e, juntamente com isso, não aceitar aquilo que sei que não conseguiria mudar.
Qué fuerte cuando los que deberían estar a tu lado son justo los que te cargan con culpas que no te corresponden. En mi experiencia, ese ejercicio de separar lo que sí podés cambiar de lo que no es lo que te devuelve la cabeza. La foto del agua me quedó dando vueltas, como que fluye igual aunque no controlemos la corriente.
Sorry for the delay in responding—that’s really it: separating things. There’s no point in freaking out or feeling bad about something we can’t change. Some things don’t change, some people don’t change, so we can’t keep suffering over it. It’s better to focus on what we can change.
Your thoughts are near to the stoic philosophy. Do you know about it? Having a good perspective on what we can control and what we can’t helps us to understand the difference between guilt, responsibility, choice. And you can reconcile with yourself, others and circumstances.
Hi, sorry for the delay in responding! I don't know much about this philosophy, but it would be interesting to study. I think I'm interested in these kinds of things—thoughts and reflections that make us think more about life and how things are. Sometimes we blame ourselves too much for things that are beyond our control, and that's something we have to keep learning and improving on every moment.
I read a page of The daily stoic by Ryan Holiday. Then I write a little about what I think about that, just one or two paragraphs. It’s just a few minutes (about 10-15) but with consistency makes a big impact in your life.
The only thing we can control is our thinking, how we tell ourselves what happens to us. And that counting on keeping our mental health in good condition. 😌😘
Thanks for the tip—I'll check it out! Big hug!
I think this is an important thought, especially when something you've created starts growing beyond what you originally expected. More people become involved, new ideas emerge, and naturally, not everyone will have the same expectations.
Perhaps one of the hardest parts is finding the balance between listening to others and staying true to your own vision. Not every good idea has to be implemented, and not every expectation can be fulfilled. That doesn't mean you're doing something wrong.
You can't control how everyone reacts to your decisions, but you can take responsibility for the direction you choose and the reasons behind it. Sometimes, having the courage to say no is just as important as being willing to say yes.
Keep building something that makes sense to you. You don't have to please everyone to be on the right path.
Haha, I'm going to have to write about this someday—it's amazing. You're absolutely right about all of this; we do what we think is right for us, and people may or may not like it, but in our minds, it was the best choice. Understanding that is part of our lives.
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