Even More Anxious - Can You Feel That?
BREAKING DOWN THE FEELINGS OF A PANIC ATTACK INTO MUSICAL-NOTES & SOUNDS
Backstory - I have severe anxiety, severe depression... And then some, which led me to develop a Panic Disorder, which is supposed to be incurable.
Got diagnosed 4 years ago as I remember but, I had it way before that, didn't know until my first actual panic attack hit me (4 years ago)
Well, they said it is incurable, and I've been reading about this stuff for years now - still no clue yet, but I think I'll live for a while to figure out if I can find a cure?
Long story short - as I consider this thing "Panic-Attack" as my worst enemy now and I do know some people for sure will relate but, what I'm having is kinda worse in a way...
As a "survivor", I've sat down with other fellow survivors before
I find it funny that this should help, eh? It didn't - they didn't relate to what I'm experiencing, It's like I'm having a Guru Panic Attack or whatever...
So yea, sitting down and talking with other survivors didn't help, it worsened my condition... Felt helpless, they can fight it but I can never do, they get help and it works for them - why doesn't it work for me? Yep, no clue.
Still feeling helpless, the only thing keeping me alive, and by alive I mean doing stuff, working, creating ...etc, is my addiction - I've tried everything possible, and that's the one thing that seems to work: sedatives, drugs, I take a lot of doses a day
A dose a day keeps the demons away, or close, not really sure but, my addiction is not the thing today OK? So they say opening up and talking about your worries and problems helps, eh?
Not always, and actually it never helped me...
No, words can't describe, even seeing me facing a panic attack won't even give you an idea, it's like an exorcism going on, not even that (see? words just can't...)
So here's a brief description of the "Experiment" I'm trying here - creating music = taking my sedatives ...Both are like GOD, works in a mysterious way...
My music; I've always tried to inject it with what I'm dealing with, it went unnoticed and that's OK, I don't expect shit from nobody (except today)
Cause I'm trying again - to describe what I'm having, even a bit of it would make me feel a bit better, I need that... And so I made this piece, worked on it for more than 2 weeks now I think
I'd not say it's a phenomenal thing and when you listen to it, you won't feel like it's something new to your ears or some shit...
But it has something in it, well, at least for me, a Hidden-Gem I'd say
So, music in general never failed to give me certain feels, took me to other worlds, etcetera, etcetera...
That's exactly what I tried my best to put down here - I was gonna call it "Wear My Shoes For 2 Minutes, Mate" but, Nah, when I listened to the final result, it did feel a bit like my panic attacks, but not quite close, so Nope - "Even More Anxious" is what I'm going for... When you listen to it, I think you should be getting an idea of how it feels to live in my shoes
Now, may I say please and beg you to pay some attention when you listen? - that if you care, and I'll be glad, and being a nice human is not too much to ask for, so be nice...
Let me know if you felt anything, and how was it? I bet it was shit... I'll feel good if you felt like shit or felt the music itself is shit cause, that's the whole Goddamn point...
Headphones Required For Better Quality... Ok?
What am I seeing you on the other side of?
What a wild post and the music was a journey into another world.😜
Hmm, the side where there's no Even More Anxious music?
A place of sublime soothing naturalness with no Anxious music to disturb the flow of the waves.
!LUV for you
Your sense of smell has developed, I can smell it (:
@luvshares must be tired from commenting on this post - Take !LUV back!
I can smell that you smell that my sense of smell has developed.
It was high time for me to send you luv, but if I send it back again now, you'll send it back and the luv will get stuck in a luv circle without being shared with all, as it is meant to be. 💙💜💙
OK - now this is the best post I've ever posted, smells very nice!
Smells like, hmmm....sniffing.....👃
I'm sniffing too, in a doggo way... See?
My cat attacks dogs that sniff, gently urging caution
Gently winking and pretending to be a smelly cat, in French
Vous faites semblant d’être un chat malodorant maintenant? 😼
Depends... On the smell (:
And what smell is that?
Smells like Internet, Earth, Skins, Rebirth... Really stinks
It's going to stink even more, like EVEN MORE STINK
Got your smelly wink? Grab it and take cover, now!!
WINK
All winks aside, I'm really looking forward to MORE MUSIC. I felt this was a winky+wink+tease+smiles of ear delicious music. 😜
Getting smelly fast
Are we breaking a record for this wink thread? I think we're
Double Wink + Winky Winky + Covered in Winks + Giant Wink
Are we? WINK WINK WINK
Dies in winks, while he winks in French
Sauvetages en clins d’œil. Mientras guiñamos un ojo en español & Barróga i nGaeilge.
I'm still winking but what's with the votes? ...Did they get attracted by the winks?
Je ne sais pas. It's so WINKINGLY Bizzare. Sending Winking LUV to everyone! 💙
Ahem, I wouldn't advise you to check who voted your comment now - I think this is automated votes but, yeah, still, not worth the look...
Gentle Winkies😉
Hi @nineclaws, you were just shared some LUV thanks to @stayten. Having at least 5 LUV in your wallet enables you to give up to 3 LUV per day, for free. See the LUV tokens in your wallet at https://hive-engine.com or learn about LUV at https://peakd.com/@luvshares
Hi @stayten, you were just shared some LUV thanks to @nineclaws. Having at least 5 LUV in your wallet enables you to give up to 3 LUV per day, for free. See the LUV tokens in your wallet at https://hive-engine.com or learn about LUV at https://peakd.com/@luvshares
Yep! ...!LUV as well
Hi @nineclaws, you were just shared some LUV thanks to @stayten. Having at least 5 LUV in your wallet enables you to give up to 3 LUV per day, for free. See the LUV tokens in your wallet at https://hive-engine.com or learn about LUV at https://peakd.com/@luvshares
That video is awesome I love it, did not listen to music yet as no headphones and I follow rules but look forward to watching video with headphones
Well, it's been a day already, and oh boy what a day... Got your headphones yet, Sharkie?
I think they just failed forward...
Nah, he was too busy promotin' this post with his POB (:
Peace Love & Healthiness my Brother... See you on any side.
@mondoshawan - much love, mate; appreciate your kind words and appreciate you being a cool friend since the day I knew you, thank you, brother :)
Yep Bro, anytime... One for All & All for One!
Yep! ...!LUV as well, dude!
Hi @mondoshawan, you were just shared some LUV thanks to @stayten. Having at least 5 LUV in your wallet enables you to give up to 3 LUV per day, for free. See the LUV tokens in your wallet at https://hive-engine.com or learn about LUV at https://peakd.com/@luvshares
I heard a doorbell and a clock between the notes composed to 1.49 minute video maybe that’s a sign that maybe better days in the future are coming!
We don’t see the person you describe we see and read a helpful , kind hart always helping and entertaining that’s a gift ,
You need to see it, like we are 😉
@nineclaws Eyah, this is everything...
It most certainly is. 💖
@nineclaws - I've started to actually like my own post, it's kinda inspiring, at least to me... wink-wink
I like hearing that 😜
@nineclaws - that's a (stuck-out-tongue-winking-eye) I'll respect the Emoji as long as there's wink in it! ...NUDGE in spanish
Thank you for wordifying the emoji. I wasn't sure and I'm really grateful that you're respect any Emoji with a wink in it.
Empujar el bot.😉
I'll empujar el bot - He's cookin' music now... 😉
I'm looking forward to devouring the music once it's cooked and presented. Giant Wink + Smirk + Eyes
Hahaha, so I'll catch you in a wink, eh? ...Giant Smelly Wink
I winked but somehow the catch wasn't there, so now I'm freefalling. 😮
Eyah, being drunk on music could be a Wink-Killer sometimes - Rebirth the wink!!
Done!
OK, Britt - I already told you, you put this smile on my face, the image is a bit creepy I know, but that's actually how it looked... Thank you! x
Yay! 🤗
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I'm speechless, told your comment deserves another piece of music to describe what it means to me hehe... I'll just take that to my heart and screenshot it, as I'm sure I'll need to read it again.
Yep again! ...!LUV as well, Kitty!
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Hi. I listened the music you made.I must admit, it made me a little bit anxious at the start but the end is pretty good.
Appreciate you takin' the time to listen, mate... Well, next time, I'll try to level it down a bit, thank you!
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Yes - and 62 comments on this post, now 63!
I don't speak English, but I read your text and I liked it a lot, I listened to the music, but as I told you I don't speak English and that prevented me from enjoying the lyrics completely.
Eyah, there were no lyrics but, appreciate your support though, thank you! :)
Hi @stayten!
Truly I have been transported to another mind altering audio dimension! Thank you for putting this out there to draw attention to the importance of #MentalHealth!
Here's a #HighFive! (in the form of 5 Hive!)
You have been nominated by @solymi! He pointed me in your direction over on Twitter (where we are busting moves to get the word out about the Hive Blockchain day and night!)
-Wil
P.S. If you haven't checked out proposal 170 by @nathanmars and you got some time... Check it out Stayten!
https://peakd.com/me/proposals/170
Thank you, mate!
Appreciate you takin' the time to listen, thanks for the #HighFive as well :)
Yep, this is my head... Come visit it again!
Well, I've checked the proposal, nice vision and speakin' from my experience in the marketing field, I can confirm Social-Media Marketing is super powerful but, that part: "Twitter shilling community deserves financial incentives." ...I don't agree with that quite fully, I mean, "word of mouth" is one heck of a marketing technique but to incentivize it? Nah, this will deliver non-interested users to promote just for the rewards, eh? And this not a great way to promote a product when you're not even interested in it.
How on earth did I miss this post? Thanks for sharing this piece, and yes it is pretty disturbing. I suffered a panic attack once when I had the wrong weed. I actually thought I was dying of a heart attack a stroke and by being stabbed with a rusty spoon from the inside. Looking back I feel really dumb about it because I had the first responders at my house they took me to the hospital and when we arrived there I magically got better. Well I guess thats what I pay taxes for.
What meds are you taking? Have you tried smoking CBD marihuana? Of course you can also go with just the normal weed. But CBD could be a good chance that you get better. Not a doctor though so do your own research.
Hope you have some good moments too, and if nothing helps just make more music!
!LUV1
Damn, finally someone said it... Thank you!
Yes, for the "magic"... Wink-Wink!
Well, it's a long story, but I quit weed, cannabis, alcohol, all that stuff years ago... Maybe I can do it occasionally but I prefer not to, my medications are doin' what everything, everyone can't do, so yeah...
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!LUV
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!LUV
Finally... Lol, now take some !LUV back :)
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Hi @stayten, you were just shared some LUV thanks to @notacinephile. 5 LUV in your wallet enables you to give up to 3 LUV per day, for free. The 5 LUV minimum will soon increase to 10 LUV. See the LUV tokens in your wallet at https://hive-engine.com or learn about LUV at https://peakd.com/@luvshares