Satire for Vampires

I aspire to have my blood sucked out of me

Vampires have fangs like birds

they don't like to drink human blood

they love to see themselves in mirrors

vampires like to be stabbed

they won't be scared away by garlic

are number one fans of stakes

a vampire's best friend is Dracula

they're terrified of being aristocratic members

vampires live in poor houses

like to drink bloody wine

vampires are good friends with wolves.