How To Be a True Somnolent Scholar

Welcome to the secret world of classroom catnaps, where the art of sleeping in class is both a skill and a survival tactic. In this tongue-in-cheek guide, I'll teach you the dos and don'ts of catching those elusive Z's while your professor or lecturer passionately lectures something that fuels your sleep. So, buckle up (or maybe just recline in your desk chair) as we embark on this journey to become the true masters of mid-lecture siestas. But before then, let me give you the story that prompted this writing.

While in class yesterday, this lecturer was going on and on about the Caribbean Island. The class was somewhat boring and this fat chubby girl snoozed. She didn't expect that the lecturer was going to go through the aisles as he's known to stand at a point and teach till his hours are done.

Then a question came to liven up the class. We all kept mute and the lecturer walked around the class, looking for who to specifically throw the question at. Then he found this girl, head on desk, mouth wide open, hips spread out, sweat on forehead. He glared at her for like twenty seconds before tapping her on the shoulder. It's a snooze of course so it was definitely not deep and she sprang to her feet, muttering words that we all couldn't comprehend.

We suppressed the laughter waiting patiently for the lecturer's remark but none came through. His reaction gave off nothing to spark the tears of hilarity in the corners of our eyes then he hit her with the question. Her eyes widened, she kept mute for a while and when the cat finally let go of her tongue, she said "I'm sorry sir but I don't follow." I glanced through the faces of my course mates and noticed they were all trying to hold it just as much as I was. The room came alive with mirth when we heard the lecturer say; "some of you are larger than life but have nothing in your large heads."

Tears were literally streaming down my cheeks. My stomach ached. Funny enough, this lecturer didn't even grin. He kept a straight face and went on with his business while we fought to get a grip of ourselves. Embarrassment washed over the girl hence the reason for this post.

If you're a class napper, learn these strategies so as to avoid compliments that wrenches the heart.

The Seating Strategy:

Don't ever put your head on the desk. For a successful snooze, you must choose the right seat and opt for the row before the last. I know snoozing mostly happens impromptu so, here's another one, strategically place a backpack as a makeshift barricade. Don't forget to slouch in your seat.

The Art of Nodding:

Perfect the subtle nod, convincing enough to fool your lecturer into thinking you're deeply engrossed in their lecture. Make sure you have a note open in front of you and a pen in your hand. Thank me later.

The "I'm Just Resting My Eyes" Defense:

When caught in the act, perfect deniability. Claim that you were merely "resting your eyes" to better absorb the knowledge being shared. Bonus points if you can throw in a convincing fake yawn.

Sit Next to a Trusted Coursemate:
Timing is everything and sitting next to a course mate who is trusted and wouldn't snooze as well should be considered. This course mate will alert you when the lecturer is near your row to avoid compliments like the one my coursemate received.

With the right strategy, a dash of wit, and a sprinkle of audacity, you'll be able to sail the lecture hall dreamland like a true somnolent scholar. Sweet dreams, intrepid class napper, and may your educational adventures be as restful as they are enlightening.

With love, teknon😘

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