Sexual Predation of a Thirteen-Year-Old
My eldest sister and I were on the phone yesterday. We were just having an ordinary conversation as it’s been a while we caught up on life. So we spoke at length, jumping from one topic to the other, but before the call ended, my nieces came over to say hello.
After the others had taken their turns, the eldest of them took the phone. She’s thirteen and she told me she missed me at her school graduation and talked about how she would be starting high school after the summer holidays. I couldn’t be prouder of my girl.
We kept talking, and somewhere in the middle of our conversation, she told me something that completely changed the mood. She said that during her graduation, a man old enough to be her dad had approached her. He had written his phone number on a piece of paper and asked my youngest niece, who is only five, to deliver it to her.
Once he was certain the note had reached her, he walked over to my thirteen-year-old niece and told her that he loved her. He told her he wanted to see her again after the graduation. Then he went even further and apparently promised to get her a secret phone so that she could call him whenever her parents weren’t around.
I don’t think I’ve ever been so suddenly lost for words. All I could hear for a moment was my own heartbeat as anger washed over me. This is a literal child and a grown man was making plans to establish a secret line of communication with her behind her parents’ backs. I kept wondering what could possibly make a grown man look at a thirteen-year-old child and think that this was appropriate.
And before anyone starts wondering whether she somehow looked older than her age, I had seen pictures from her graduation. She looked exactly what she is, a child. But honestly, even if she had dressed differently or looked older, it would change absolutely nothing. She is thirteen.
There is no version of this where an adult man’s romantic or sexual interest in her becomes acceptable. I also found out that the man is a teacher at her school which made it even more disturbing. Someone who is supposed to be part of the system protecting children. This is someone whose position gives him access to them and, presumably, their trust. He also has a wife and children who attend the same school as some of my younger nieces. Trust that my anger burned even hotter after this discovery.
I immediately asked my niece whether she still had the piece of paper he had written his number on. Thankfully, she did. She took a picture of it and sent it to me. I have asked her to keep the original because it is evidence of contact that needs to be properly investigated. I’ve already made a complaint, and my family intends to pursue the matter.
Because I cannot sit comfortably knowing that a man who behaves this way around a thirteen-year-old is still in a position where he has access to children. What frightens me most isn’t only what he did to my niece, it’s the thought that she may not be the first child.
How many children have encountered him and been too frightened, confused or ashamed to tell anyone? How many children have had inappropriate things said to them by adults and convinced themselves that they somehow caused it? How many have been threatened with punishment, embarrassment or disbelief if they ever opened their mouths? Well, we don’t know and that’s exactly why these things have to be taken seriously.
Children don’t always have the language to understand what is happening to them. Sometimes they tell you about these things casually, almost as if they’re describing something ordinary, because they don’t yet understand the seriousness of it. That is why adults have to listen, like really listen and not tell them they’re imagining things or blame their clothes. And certainly not protect the reputation of the adult involved at the expense of the child.
My niece told me what happened, I believe her. I didn’t even need to see the paper with his number on it to believe her. Now the responsibility is on the adults around her to make sure she is protected and that the proper authorities investigate what happened.
I don’t know what will come of the complaint yet. But I know one thing for sure, a teacher who approaches a thirteen-year-old child romantically and tries to establish secret communication with her has no business being left alone with children.
Children deserve adults who make them feel safe, not adults they need to be protected from. And if there are other children who have experienced something similar with this man, I hope they find the courage and the safety to speak. Because one child speaking up may be the reason another child is protected.
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