MORE TO PARENTHOOD

Everything in the universe could be said to have grown or been built from the ground up, especially living things where humans are at the epicentre of it all. The stage of childhood is one that is very crucial as it forms the foundation of life and everything we know, and it usually feels nostalgic when we look back as grown-ups. Parenthood is usually defined by the presence of a child or a ward hence one does not really exist without the other.

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Every parent, as human, can not truly be perfect. Hence, there is always something they could have done better, lesser or not at all. In another way, human behaviours are an aggregate of traits, experiences, environmental patterns and so on. So naturally, one cannot expect that all actions are in themselves entirely right.

I, for one, will be forever grateful for the way my parents instilled discipline in me and my siblings. They never hesitate to correct wrong deeds either through the proverbial ‘rod’ or the sermon-like moments to talk about certain morals and ways of life. The latter is mostly the method of correction and it is way more effective. These moments, I must confess, are what play on my head when I am thinking of straying sometimes. As a parent in the future, my kids will enjoy an abundance of this parental training.

In terms of social interaction, I was not privileged to experience enough of it due to the fact that my parents did not really want us outside. Even though I now understand why they did that and I am happy they did that because if I had mingled with the environment I grew up in, I may have turned out wild and uncontrollable. However, I will still make sure my kids are not always bottled up at home because they need to have control of and master interpersonal skills which will enable them to build their self-esteem, and discipline and be able to make decisions on their own when outside the four walls of the home. These skills did not come to me easily, it took quite some time before I could speak up outside but growth happens!

My parents were educationists, that is, they ardently believe in education as what can liberate anyone from anything. The reason behind their belief was not far-fetched. I got that from the constant story they told about how they went to, survived and graduated from school against all odds. In this regard, they turned a red eye to any form of failure. They do not want to hear or see it. In a way, this worked well for us such that we seldom have a case of poor performance in academics. But, I tell you, those little times of failure were hell for whoever got those results. They will do everything to remind you of that no matter how hard you try. Most times, we do bounce back but not many had the chance to bounce back from seeing a kind of humiliation like that.

Personally, I think I won’t talk down on failure too much that it could have a psychological effect. I know how much we all value (academic) success especially on this side of the world. Failure sometimes can truly be a path to better success in a particular field. I am a testimony of what failure can do. I remember when I wrote my entrance examinations into a reputable university and every candidate was to take the two exams. I passed the first but failed the second (just 2 points behind the cut-off). That time taught me how to be independent and sometimes strongly resist any tampering with what I want. The following year, I allowed little to no interference in my dealings ranging from where I wanted to school, the course I researched and choose, the tutorial centre I attended, and even when I wanted to go write the exams I told no one to follow me...

All in all, we must acknowledge the fact that most times we can not truly fathom what we would do or have done in certain scenarios until we are in the middle of it. I believe we all want to do better than our parents did, still, we must appreciate how far they have ‘parented’ to this standpoint where we were able to see how they could have improved their parenting styles.