I'm Heartbroken - Goodbye Dear Mochi

Forgive me for this turning out to be a long read as well as going back and forward, my mind is a mess and I can't focus but need to write it to process what happened as I'm heartbroken. I need to vent and get it off my chest, I'm just going to write what comes to mind and hope it helps me heal a little bit.

Our beautiful friend Mochi

I wrote about him many times, and most likely will again in the future as he was part of our family. Was? Yes, he is no longer with us as he got hit by a car (most likely) yesterday and it seems he died instantly. Our Mochi was a street cat and was rescued after several months instead of after weeks like most foster kittens, he was already used to street life. While this was not a big issue until he arrived at the age where you castrate the cat, it slowly became an issue keeping him inside. Not only did he grow so much that he was no longer that tiny furball I can still see sitting on the chair when we rescued him, but he just needed more space to release his energy.

While more cats appeared in front of our window, living next to public stairs where people walk up and down this hill, he became more and more interested in the other cats. We surely weren't going to contribute to the huge problem of cats impregnating other females so we castrated him a while ago as the first step to let him out. While he didn't have a chip yet, we wanted him to have a collar with a name tag as well as our phone numbers in case anything were to happen. This way we could be sure to receive a phone call. At least. so you'd think.

So handsome

He was so happy these last weeks

Not only did he start purring very recently, but he also made a few cat friends that visit us every day, several times. He wasn't only chilling with them in front of our window, he was truly playing and it was adorable to witness such a big cat being so playful with another cat. Seeing this, it was confirmed that I was right that he was the happiest cat when he was playing. His tail went straight up when he was chasing a ball or playing with the other cat outside, it was great entertainment to watch.

One of the cats that came to our window first was a ginger cat, he fell into a cactus because he had several spikes in his fur, I think I wrote about him at the time. After weeks, my boyfriend was able to lure him to the window and remove the spike in his back which he could not reach himself. Since then, he kept coming and we made sure there was water for the cats at all times.

When Mochi was allowed out with his collar, we started noticing this ginger cat was waiting for him to play and sometimes started sleeping in front of our window until his friend arrived back or was allowed out. It was very sweet to see this friendship develop in these past weeks. They weren't together constantly though, Mochi ran off scared a few times seeing people when they entered the stairs while Ginger (this is how we started calling him) hid in front of our window waiting for them to pass.

He never went far

Most of the time he was visible or came back in a few hours to eat or drink and he also accepted that when he wanted to go out, his collar needed to be around his neck first. One time when I asked him to get back in, he was hesitating to do so and I could even help him get in that's how much he trusted me already, we were making huge progress with him and it was something we valued a lot after having so much patience with him. We knew he'd be our buddy for life.

We didn't see him yesterday

Which was odd, so after work my boyfriend went to check the stairs and our hill. He told me through the window I don't see him and said I will come back now as you have a pretty good overview over the hill from here so he said to check again later. I was not worried at all, I had no thoughts about him being lost or something happening, nothing. When my boyfriend could not have reached the front door yet, as he needed to walk around the whole building to get there, someone knocked on our window at the staircase's side. I was surprised as I didn't recognize this man as our neighbor so I was curious what he wanted from me.

Do you have a big cat?

While the kittens were playing in front of the window on the scratching post he asked me if we have a big cat as well. So I said yes, and asked him about a blue-collar. He said no but still, I wasn't sure why he asked, the reality didn't hit me yet so we looked up a picture of Mochi and he said no blue collar but there on the road, one looks the same.

That's when my alarm bells went off but I still thought you know no collar, it's probably not him. He said the cat there is dead. He pointed him out, we could literally see him from our window but my boyfriend said I think the fur is too light. Everyone put on their shoes and we went outside. The neighbor was waiting for us at the front and walked with us. He said the cat is dead, maybe you check it first, as the girl will see it too.

I tried to stay calm for our daughter

But when my boyfriend turned around with that look on his face, I panicked and wanted to see him because I needed to. My daughter walked with me as thankfully he looked like Mochi, even with his tail up, and the blood that came out of his nose wasn't even visible right away (I only saw it later on the picture I took so she didn't notice it). I think something hit him by surprise, as he was happily walking and probably a car hit him seeing this is a busy road.

The thing that makes me mad is that his collar with our data was taken off, the collar we put on him so people could let us know if they found him. I think someone must have hit him maybe afraid of consequences or maybe drunk behind the wheel, removing the collar so nothing would lead back to this person. Why else would you do that? He or she could have just left the cat and someone else find it so they could inform us, but no, they removed it. I'm angry about it as I would have loved to have it back as a memory as well.

You were so content playing outside

Beautiful Mochi <3

There was no doubt it was Mochi, as he was the most beautiful cat in the area that was allowed outside. I looked at him every day saying "Damn, you're so beautiful!" but our friend was not an inside cat, he needed space to run and play and we gave it to him. If we didn't take him in, he'd be one of these street cats in the area that could have been hit by a car either way, but we took him in, loved him, cared for him, fed him, and castrated him to avoid him making kittens with all the females in the area. We tried to keep him in but it was not enough space to do so and he was such a great cat coming back to show himself every few hours until he didn't and got hit by a car 50/100 meters from our window.

We are heartbroken

Every time I look out the window, my head turns to the spot where we found him yesterday. I think it may take a while before I get that out of my system. Our daughter was crying so badly yesterday, I tried to keep my calm but when she went to bed I broke as well. I had a special connection with him and I was so looking forward to him becoming Luna's friend. His new window bed arrived yesterday and he has never used it. A new set of bowls is underway and he will never use it.

I fell asleep crying my eyeballs out, waking up with puffy eyes and instantly realizing again that Mochi is dead and that I will never cuddle him again. My poor beautiful cat, who I love so much is not here anymore and will be missed deeply.

Chilling in front of the window

From a scared little kitten to a big gorgeous happy cat

He was so scared, it took so long before he didn't freeze anymore when I touched him. I was determined to keep trying as I knew one day, he'd accept it and realizes it's nice to cuddle and we are not scary at all. I was right but we could only enjoy this for such a short period of time as the purring and him actually enjoying our cuddles happened weeks ago. I'm grateful that we had these few weeks and saw him shine and be very relaxed though, they can't take that away from us. It's in our memories forever.

I will miss the way he sat next to our chairs at the dinner table whenever we had chicken or something else he loved. He sat down, being beautiful (which was enough for us to fall for his charms) and then he'd wink and wink some more, knowing we loved seeing him do that, he looked so zen when he did.

So much progress

In the past weeks, he started to accept everything we gave him as a treat from our hands instead of us needing to throw it on the floor first because he used to try to grab it from our hands before he ate it for a very long time. This was huge progress, he now knew these hands weren't here to hurt him but to feed him, cuddle him, and make him feel relaxed.

We came from far my friend, and I'm truly heartbroken that your life ended so early and in this way. We would like to believe that your tail was standing up because you were happily chasing something and that the car hit you by surprise, ending your life instantly without any pain. If that's true, we will never know, we can only hope.

Rest in peace my friend, we miss you!