Perfectly imperfect

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Things can't always be perfect

As much as I'd like things to go smooth every single day of my life, this is just not the reality. Things can go smooth for a long time and without much effort creativity and inspiration flows, until .. it doesn't. I was browsing through my folders to find something to share next because I see all the folders and images that are great to share, but none of them resonate with my personal headspace right now. October is always difficult for me, my son's birthday is near and the birthday of my mother is also always a reminder of the shitty past in Holland so it always presses me down for some days. Although I'm at peace not speaking with her, the memories surface during these weeks and I can usually not really be the best version of myself.

The same things occur around my oldest daughter's birthday and the December holidays. It sure helps when I have enough distractions but that's usually not enough. I always have at least some days (but more often a few weeks) that I look at my life and think where did it go wrong in the past, and what would have been if I was a bit smarter back then and not let things get to that point with the people that came into my life and totally ruined it. Should've, could've, would've. The past is the past, I know. That doesn't make it less painful though. Feeling like this is still part of my healing process, I don't think this will ever fully go away as there has never been any kind of closure but always a sparkle of hope.

Frustrations

I always look at everything I do with (probably) the most critical eyes and I'm never really satisfied usually. I strive to be better and hate myself for when I can't accomplish that. It's a bit of a vicious circle honestly but at least I'm very aware of this circle when it's appearing and the realization alone is enough to get me through these weeks a little easier than in the past. I know I'm not perfect and I want to be a little easier om myself but I find it hard because I know I can do it, that probably makes it even more frustrating.

A perfectly imperfect picture

As I need to break this cycle, I decided to share a picture that makes me happy, even though this image is not perfect. Far from it, actually. Usually, I'd not share it and look for something better, after all, I have plenty. Today's intention was not to share with you the best picture of a tree, but to remind myself of the fact that something as simple as this tree, made me smile when we walked back home. We just had tapas and were on our way back that evening. For some reason, I love these trees with hanging leaves and I like the magical feel I get when looking through the leaves. I had to take some pictures but as it was already dark outside, my phone could not handle it properly because it's just a shitty camera during the evenings. I still took the pictures and took a few moments to take in the green surroundings. My boyfriend and daughter were already at the end of the street, lol. They were busy looking at other things, I guess.

Lanterns

The lanterns made it almost impossible to capture the tree (in combination with my phone camera that is) but at least I can see the nice green leaves well on this one. I absolutely love the fact that we are surrounded by palm trees, I adore them, I've always done so. It gives me a happy summer vibe looking at them. This tree made me stop and try capturing the cute street we were walking in with the palm trees on the other side. You can see the lanterns ruining the light, but thankfully, whenever I open this picture, I still feel happy and smile because I think back about our lovely evening out.

The little things

When I feel the way I do, I must not forget that the little things make me happy too and that something as simple as a "perfectly imperfect" picture of a tree shines some light on my heavier mood today. In fact, it's perfectly fine not to write a decent blog or tutorial or stick to my tight schedule today. I will catch up later as I always do. Today I just need to be kind to myself and enjoy the little things.

Thanks for reading, and who knows, maybe I will publish something tomorrow :)


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3 comments
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Sending love your way! Rustig aan cheffie!

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Thanks mop :)
Ga even bij jou neuzen tis weer even geleden he!

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